Zeichen Press – Page 17 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Where’s my unpaid intern?

WHERE??? If I have to work on this�catalog layout for�10 more seconds I’m going to quit my job. I will instantly rehire myself just so I can quit again. This could go on for days. Of COURSE I couldn’t just work with the catalog copy �in Adobe InDesign – I HAD to use a WWII era typewriter. A Smith-Corona Skyriter to type in each individual bit of information about all 100 products.�What is wrong with me?

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I actually�cheated�in “keyboarding I AND II” in high school. Don’t ask me how. DON’T ASK ME.�

Jen is just dying to say, “I told you so.” Just shut up, Jen. Why must �you take the place of my underdeveloped sensibilities?

January 8, 2009
Waist-deep snow

Day Two. ��Snow fell through the night and drifted into the passage. The women and children are weaker today. Kenneth is ailing and must be dragged on a make-shift sledge. Robert appears to be delusional and only can speak of thick-cut bacon and death metal. The dogs are starting to look delicious, especially the fluffy one. We are, most certainly, in a predicament.

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Um, here’s a new card – inspired by the men, women, and children that ventured West .

The Donner (Birthday) Party

January 4, 2009
I’ll tell you what

Uh. December is, like, over. I don’t even care. Good riddance you ungrateful pig. You think you’re so great with your Christmas and your Hanukkah and your Britney Spears’ birthday. I’ve had it. I think we all have. Even with all of these Feast Days I managed to squeeze in our long-awaited catalog creation. And don’t think I forgot about my�25-birthday-cards. Self-imposed deadlines are the only way to get anything done. You know what else works? Pretending someone is going to kill you if you don’t get something done. SO, I scrounged up some images and wrote some lines. Yeah, yeah – I’ve not set the type or done layouts or pulled any proofs – mere formalities. And anyway, my shop elves will do it while I’m ringing in the New Year in lovely Brainerd, Minnesota. Here are a few images/lines – they’ll be 15% funnier after I’ve had my way with them. And another thing: they’re not all birthday cards. I’m not some sort of one-trick pony.

You make this, you live.

Good luck.

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Shhhh. Nobody’ll even notice us.

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Eh? What’s that? Whose birthday? Who are you? Get out of my room.

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��Happy Birthday, you tool.

…and in conclusion – quit calling me a pussy.

Sincerely,

Pevenshire Wiffynuts

x=get me the f*ck out of here.

Congratulations.

I said, CONGRATULATIONS!

If you’re old enough to remember this game
you are probably sitting in your own urine.

Thanks for coming to my birthday party, my tiny friends.

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Alright, that’ll do. I’ll post more after the elves work it out. Oh, and if you see a woman running around Brainerd in giant underpants and Sorel Boots it’s not me. Happy New Year!!!

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December 31, 2008
No-Coast and a stock pot

Good Lord, what a day! I got up at the crack o’ eight – Jen picked me up and brought me to the MidTown Market to hawk our goods. It was the No-Coast Craft-o-Rama! We were pretty much SiameseTwins – due to my crippling Math Anxiety, I can’t be left alone to make change for a twenty. I welcome your prayers. I smiled lots and said, “four�dollars” or “five�dollars” whenever I felt like it. Sometimes it was in response to a customer’s question. Here are some customers: notice their intense cheerfulness:

I did manage to step away from our table to find a crinkly cat bag for My Mother-in-Law. She’s gonna frickin’ love it. Those cats are gonna thank me by walking by me and not noticing I exist. It’ll be one awesome Christmas.

…Fast forward, like, eight hours and I found myself at a delightful Holiday Party. I think it was in Plymouth. Anyway, the halls were decked, the booze was flowing. The booze was flowing. In retrospect, I don’t think it all wanted to be in�my�body. I’m not sure why, at the time, I thought it did want to be in there. And honestly, there wasn’t a lot of �room, what with all the�spanakopita�. I was planning on giving it all up in a stock pot that Katie generously donated to the car. I felt the love. I did make it home, with a clean stock pot, and Kenny dumped me into bed. He was like a hunter and I was like a deer carcass. The bed was the pick-up truck. It was so much fun. I dragged my sorry arse out of bed this morning to for churching. The stock pot is a symbol of one woman’s redemption. So much can happen in a day.

PS: Did you know that 80’s glasses are back in style?? You crazy kids!

December 7, 2008
SO. MANY. WORDS.

Three 10″x15″ iron chases locked up with�Touchpoint�Buzzwords. Buzzwords and some other random cuts from the ZP collection – including a chunk from a newspaper insert advertising handy items for the ladies: A rubber-lined shopping bag available in gay plaids, a multi-tiered clothes hanger, a cap to protect the hairdo. What I wouldn’t give to have those items. My drab, rain-soaked groceries… My closet, crammed full! How could I be hanging my clothes on ONE plane? My hair, My God, my hair… I don’t even know where to start. I get a “do” and leave it�completely�unprotected. It’s like I don’t even care! Oh. Back to the Touchpoint Holiday Card/Disc Sleeve. It’s super sweet:

December 3, 2008
SO. MANY. WORDS.

�Three 10″x15″ iron chases locked up with Touchpoint Buzzwords. Buzzwords and some other random cuts from the ZP collection – including a chunk from a newspaper insert advertising handy items for the ladies: A rubber-lined shopping bag available in gay plaids, a multi-tiered clothes hanger, a cap to protect the hairdo.

What I wouldn’t give to have those items. My drab, rain-soaked groceries… My closet, crammed full! How could I be hanging my clothes on ONE plane? My hair, My God, my hair… I don’t even know where to start. I get a “do” and leave it completely unprotected. It’s like I don’t even care!

Oh. Back to the Touchpoint Holiday Card/Disc Sleeve. It’ super sweet:

Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

December 3, 2008

A Blessed Event

Mawage.

Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…According to TMZ, Kanye and Kim just got engaged.�(Awww).�Kanye rented out a baseball stadium, hired an orchestra to play Kim’s favorite song, got on one knee and presented her with a 15 carat diamond ring.

Is that all?

I think the space shuttle is rentable. So is Lana Del Ray. And so are all of the South African diamond mine workers.

I expect more from Kanye.

I’ll send him this card.

November 3, 2013
With Eyes Closed And One Hand Tied Behind My Back

There has been much debate and fury over genetically modified food.

But what about genetically modified children?

WHAT ABOUT THAT??PS: I wrote this blog post on my iPhone because I despise easy things.

October 31, 2013
Best Greeting Cards

So says�Minnesota Monthly.

And my mom.

Jen and I went to the�Best Of 2013�party�and dazzled the crowd with our�Double Dream Hands routine.�

Best Greeting Cards?

More like, Best Moves.

October 25, 2013
With Sash And Tiara, We Reign

When Minnesota Monthly added Zeichen Press to their�Best of the Twin Cities�list, Jen and I finally polished our tiaras.And had our likenesses sculpted out of butter.

Delicious.

October 18, 2013
Easily Distracted In Class

I think that box was checked on my elementary school progress reports…�But who could be bothered with such details??

Not me. NOT ME. And that’s why I secured a blank progress report, checked the best boxes, and brought it to my parents.

See? I wasn’t�that�easily distracted.

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I am busy taking photographs of the new cardsbut not too busy to document some pretty fascinating activity:

Aren’t you glad you watched that??

I know I’m supposed to be doing something… Oh, that’s right, putting hungry vegetables on a card.No??

It’ll come to me after I stare out the window and pet that cat.

October 11, 2013
Brain-Slaves

His conscience was clear and his heart light amidst all his troubles; so he went peaceably to bed, left all his cares to Heaven, and soon fell asleep.�In the morning after he had said his prayers, he sat himself down to his work; when, to his great wonder, there stood the shoes all ready made, upon the table.Elves!�

(Sorry about the spoiler if you haven’t read that Fairy Tale.)

I went to a neurologist and he discovered elves in my occipital lobe and that explains everything!Every night, I go peaceably to bed, leave all my cares to Heaven, and soon fall asleep � but not before I aggressively ruminate on an idea for a new card. While I sleep, the elves get to work and when I wake up, the new card is done!

Thank the elves for this new card:THANK THEM.

October 2, 2013
Ode To My TV (and more)

In the spirit of AMC’s award winning dramas,�Mad Men�and�Breaking Bad, comes something written by the devil himself.

With a script scrawled on toilet paper, using a fountain pen filled with raw sewage,�Pencil Pusher�weaves a tale so dark, so depressing, viewers are advised to swallow two Xanax before viewing.

Meet Ernie Frost: One cog in a massive corporate wheel, one man in one cubicle surrounded by countless other cubicles… Floor upon floor of fabric-covered partitions spread like open prairie.

Deadly open prairie…

Gone are the days of positive incentives and opening the kimono, these are days of the Corporate Gulag.

But�Ernie Frost�has a plan to end the nightmare…

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Phew! Now I won’t have to throw a brick at my t.v. after the last episode of Breaking Bad.

September 25, 2013
Why I’m Such A Catch

Foraging for low-tide treasure is my third favorite thing to do.

But what are your top two favorite things to do?

Nerf Ping Pong

and smashing pi�atas.

What about your top TEN?

Glad you asked.

Cat midwifery,

cracking glow sticks, raising tadpoles, Belgian beer, letterpress printing,�Breaking Bad,and yoga (just kidding). Number ten is turtle-hunting.

I know what you’re thinking.

What a lady!

Whoa. WHOA.�Hands off the merchandise.

Remember when I was talking about low-tide?

Here’s a card that features one of my favorite low-tide critters.Wouldn’t you love to get this card with a�nice bottle of wine??

And by “you”, I mean “I”.

September 17, 2013
A Dream, Realized AND So Much More

Everyone knows that St. Helena has The Best Fall Festival, this side of the Mississippi.

I did hear that Nativity in St. Paul has a snake pit and a freak-show…

But Saint Helena has rides and games and prizes � prizes like t-shirts that Jen and I made for the Duck Shoot!Yeehaw!!

Give a kid a cork gun, step back (STEP BACK), and watch the magic!Jen is DUCKing.

September 14, 2013
Summit of Greeting Cards

After spending $80,000 on climbing gear and an entourage of Sherpas�in Nepal,

the Canadian woman reached the Summit of Mount Everest.

I’m sure it was glorious.

The relief, the pride, the joy!

BUT, she forgot one teeny-tiny thing: enough oxygen for her descent. With temperatures hovering around -30� and an altitude of 22,000 ft., she laid her body down on the side of the mountain.�

And died.

Lesson??

Never trust a Sherpa.

Zeichen Press reached a summit too! We’ve been climbing Mount Greeting Card for a looong time and we finally reached the tippity-top:�Urban Outfitters.

…But now I’ll have to set a new goal… Suggestions?

Urban Outfitters bought this card � but just to be fancy, it will be printed with a bright blue ink:Let’s do this, indeed.

September 8, 2013