• MakeReady-Or-Not

    How To Play:

    Witch

    • Using a neighborhood approved selection method (engine, engine #9 — bubblegum, bubblegum in a dish, etc.) select The Witch.

    • Use the same method to select a Guinea Pig.

    • The remaining players are Runners.

    • The Witch leads The Guinea Pig away. (This should be terrifying.) The Witch hides The Guinea Pig — not on the garage roof. (This might be tempting. Don’t do it.)

    • The Witch gives (verbally) a list of tasks to The Guinea Pig — things like: A) Run around the house three times singing The Happy Birthday Song. B) Dig a hole, bury one June Bug in it. C) Fill a hat with decorative rocks from the neighbor’s garden, etc.

    • At this point, The Witch must call out “ready-or-not!” from wherever he/she is waiting/hiding.

    • The “tasks” given to the The Guinea Pig are meant to lure the Runners off their safe-base and into the waiting/hiding clutches of The Witch while searching for the hidden Guinea Pig.

    • When/if any Runners are caught by The Witch, he or she turns them into Another Guinea Pig. Meaning: They are hidden and given a new list of tasks for The Runners to complete.

    • When tasks are completed for a particular Pig, a Runner must free them by tagging. The Guinea Pig must run to the safe-base without being caught by The Witch.

    • If The Runners successfully free The Guinea Pig(s), they win the game.

    • If The Witch catches all of The Runners, she/he wins the game.

    * If someone wets their pants during course of play, a “time-out” should be called and fresh pants should replace wet pants.

    ————-

    In a bold (not really) and unprecedented (true) move, Zeichen Press will be offereing box sets of greeting cards that are not letterpress printed.

    Hold your applause until the end.

    We call this our Makeready Collection.

    Why?

    Letterpress printers (like us) need to test placement, packing, and color when printing something new. The same old piece of paper is printed on over and over again, resulting in an odd (and might I add, paranormal?) mishmash of goodness.

    Our Makeready Collection imitates this letterpress printing practice using a computer and some other kind of printing. (Offset)

    Here are the three designs: (Available for The New Year)bonnie-makeready-birthday-grab-blog-no-line bonnie-makeready-everyday-illus-grab bonnie-makeready-holiday-grab

    October 13, 2012
  • Your Marriage vs. The Zombie Apocalypse

    I’m not a lawyer or a scientist but I understand the importance of writing marital vows that contain language relating to soulless corpses.

    I know it’s not Zombie Season because the weather is cooler and I know the weather is cooler because the maggots in the garbage bin magically disappeared. The rash of zombie activity this Summer has inspired me to rewrite my vows — I simply cannot have my husband strip naked and eat my face on the turnpike.

    Give this card to newlyweds or oldyweds:till-undeath

    October 7, 2012
  • Mating Tips

    The only way to find out if you’re truly compatible with another is to spend a year together aboard a Portuguese fishing vessel.

    Unfortunately, that’s not always an option. Don’t spend another minute agonizing!

    Forget the touchy-feely Relationships aisle at Barnes & Noble or (gasp) your local library! Forget the $120/hour couples counselor! Forget mind-reading, unmet expectations, behavior prediction!

    Zeichen Press has created a $4.00 cheat sheet! love-means-green-revisedCollect them all (there’s only one) and store them safely in a polished mahogany box. Tabulated by topics, like: Division-of-Labor, Apology, and so much more!

    *A Mating Tip Card and a BB gun make the perfect wedding gift.

    October 3, 2012
  • Neglected Category

    My retirement plans are needy and demand an Airstream Trailercropped-airstream-trailer

    and a plot of land in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee — as close as possible to Dollywood.

    That would be fine as cream gravy.

    Yes, retirement — everyone does it differently. Some like to join communities in Arizona and some like to hoard cats. Hoard cats until one day they have a stroke, can’t get to the phone, die of starvation, and their beloved pets eat their face.

    But everyone is so different! And as my Grandma Shea used to say, “It takes all kinds.”

    So wise.retiring

    September 26, 2012
  • A Loon Call For Garrison Keillor And Hat Made of Money

    When I heard Jen was participating in the Loon Call Contest at the Prairie Home Companion Street Party, I said a quick prayer to Saint Genesius.

    I can’t believe she didn’t win. 

    Earlier that day, this angel—dressed in plain clothes—was spotted:money-hat

    If I wore a hat made of money, I’d have a faraway look in my eye, too.

    September 22, 2012
  • Eating My Weight In Vegetables

    Did you know that the Arboretum has a pick-your-own vegetable garden? The signs were more intuitive than posted.smuggling-vegetables

    My latest health craze (the last one turned out not to be a “health” craze) promises an upward trajectory of boundless energy and crisply firing synapses. Kale, spinach, green chard, cucumber, celery, lemon, parsley, and apple in one glass.

    In one glass.

    I’ve learned that a bagful of smuggled kale equals one thimbleful of juice.

    One thimbleful.

    I wonder how many ounces I would be if I were juiced. Note to self: Juicing bodies would make them easier to flush down toilet.

    Look at these beautiful Dahlias and forget everything I just said:anenome-dahliasunburt-dahliaWeren’t those lovely?

    All of the flowers and vegetables inspired a Father’s Day card:papa-grayer

    September 14, 2012
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  • A Blessed Event

    Mawage.

    Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…princess-bride-mawidgeAccording to TMZ, Kanye and Kim just got engaged. (Awww). Kanye rented out a baseball stadium, hired an orchestra to play Kim’s favorite song, got on one knee and presented her with a 15 carat diamond ring.

    Is that all?

    I think the space shuttle is rentable. So is Lana Del Ray. And so are all of the South African diamond mine workers.

    I expect more from Kanye.

    I’ll send him this card.proposing

    November 3, 2013
  • With Eyes Closed And One Hand Tied Behind My Back

    There has been much debate and fury over genetically modified food.

    But what about genetically modified children?

    WHAT ABOUT THAT??trick-or-treatPS: I wrote this blog post on my iPhone because I despise easy things.

    October 31, 2013
  • Best Greeting Cards

    So says Minnesota Monthly.

    And my mom.

    Jen and I went to the Best Of 2013 party and dazzled the crowd with our Double Dream Hands routine. 

    Best Greeting Cards?

    More like, Best Moves.

    October 25, 2013
  • With Sash And Tiara, We Reign

    When Minnesota Monthly added Zeichen Press to their Best of the Twin Cities list, Jen and I finally polished our tiaras.bigger-fran-and-jen-miss-americaAnd had our likenesses sculpted out of butter.

    Delicious.

    October 18, 2013
  • Easily Distracted In Class

    I think that box was checked on my elementary school progress reports… But who could be bothered with such details??

    Not me. NOT ME. And that’s why I secured a blank progress report, checked the best boxes, and brought it to my parents.

    See? I wasn’t that easily distracted.

    °°

    I am busy taking photographs of the new cardswater-vodka-2but not too busy to document some pretty fascinating activity:

    Aren’t you glad you watched that??

    I know I’m supposed to be doing something… Oh, that’s right, putting hungry vegetables on a card.eat-your-veggies-2No??

    It’ll come to me after I stare out the window and pet that cat.

    October 11, 2013
  • Brain-Slaves

    His conscience was clear and his heart light amidst all his troubles; so he went peaceably to bed, left all his cares to Heaven, and soon fell asleep. In the morning after he had said his prayers, he sat himself down to his work; when, to his great wonder, there stood the shoes all ready made, upon the table.elvesshoemaker-crane1886Elves! 

    (Sorry about the spoiler if you haven’t read that Fairy Tale.)

    I went to a neurologist and he discovered elves in my occipital lobe and that explains everything!brain-with-elves-grabEvery night, I go peaceably to bed, leave all my cares to Heaven, and soon fall asleep — but not before I aggressively ruminate on an idea for a new card. While I sleep, the elves get to work and when I wake up, the new card is done!

    Thank the elves for this new card:that-was-the-best-nap-everTHANK THEM.

    October 2, 2013
  • Ode To My TV (and more)

    In the spirit of AMC’s award winning dramas, Mad Men and Breaking Bad, comes something written by the devil himself.pencil-pusher

    With a script scrawled on toilet paper, using a fountain pen filled with raw sewage, Pencil Pusher weaves a tale so dark, so depressing, viewers are advised to swallow two Xanax before viewing.

    Meet Ernie Frost: One cog in a massive corporate wheel, one man in one cubicle surrounded by countless other cubicles… Floor upon floor of fabric-covered partitions spread like open prairie.

    Deadly open prairie…

    Gone are the days of positive incentives and opening the kimono, these are days of the Corporate Gulag.

    But Ernie Frost has a plan to end the nightmare…

    °°

    Phew! Now I won’t have to throw a brick at my t.v. after the last episode of Breaking Bad.when-i-grow-up

    September 25, 2013
  • Why I’m Such A Catch

    Foraging for low-tide treasure is my third favorite thing to do.

    But what are your top two favorite things to do?

    Nerf Ping Pong

    nerf ping pong

    and smashing pińatas.

    What about your top TEN?

    Glad you asked.

    Cat midwifery,

    cracking glow sticks, raising tadpoles, Belgian beer, letterpress printing, Breaking Bad,breaking badand yoga (just kidding). Number ten is turtle-hunting.

    I know what you’re thinking.

    What a lady!

    Whoa. WHOA. Hands off the merchandise.

    Remember when I was talking about low-tide?

    Here’s a card that features one of my favorite low-tide critters.nice houseWouldn’t you love to get this card with a nice bottle of wine??

    And by “you”, I mean “I”.

    September 17, 2013
  • A Dream, Realized AND So Much More

    Everyone knows that St. Helena has The Best Fall Festival, this side of the Mississippi.

    I did hear that Nativity in St. Paul has a snake pit and a freak-show…

    But Saint Helena has rides and games and prizes — prizes like t-shirts that Jen and I made for the Duck Shoot!lucky ducky pinkand redYeehaw!!

    Give a kid a cork gun, step back (STEP BACK), and watch the magic!duck shootJen is DUCKing.

    September 14, 2013
  • Summit of Greeting Cards

    After spending $80,000 on climbing gear and an entourage of Sherpas in Nepal,

    Shriya Shah-Klorfine (foreground), of Toronto, is shown at the summit of Mount Everest. The body of the Canadian woman who died while returning from the summit of Mount Everest is one step closer to being evacuated from the mountain. THE CANADIAN PRESS/ho-Utmost Adventure Trekking Pvt. Ltd.
    the Canadian woman reached the Summit of Mount Everest.

    I’m sure it was glorious.

    The relief, the pride, the joy!

    BUT, she forgot one teeny-tiny thing: enough oxygen for her descent. With temperatures hovering around -30° and an altitude of 22,000 ft., she laid her body down on the side of the mountain. 

    And died.

    everest1Lesson??

    Never trust a Sherpa.

    Zeichen Press reached a summit too! We’ve been climbing Mount Greeting Card for a looong time and we finally reached the tippity-top: Urban Outfitters.

    …But now I’ll have to set a new goal… Suggestions?

    Urban Outfitters bought this card — but just to be fancy, it will be printed with a bright blue ink:LetsDoThisLet’s do this, indeed.

    September 8, 2013
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