• GRANDMA!!! CAN YOU HEAR ME??!!

    Grandmas don’t read HOW and they certainly do NOT read SWISS  MISS but they DO read Better Homes and Gardens. You know, BHG? See how I just dropped that abbrev? Grandma would thumb through the fashion and gossip mags at the checkout but like any good homemaker she would add the BHG to her cart. If she was feeling particular sassy, she’d throw in the DIY magazine (brought to you by the good people at BHG).

    Oh, DIY! You know Martha Stewart (PS: Martha, I DO want to see how you hay your fields) reads you under the covers with a flashlight – praying that Alexis doesn’t march into the room and flip on the soft-and-natural light. 

    DIY magazine is doing a story on handmade goods – a “Best in Show” collection of the various craft shows around the country. We’ll be featured in the “Printed and Pressed” spread. Mmmm, printed and pressed… that makes me want a panini. Here are some photos – we can’t decide, although I think #4 tells a good story. Sometimes I go into the shop at night and Jen is just standing there like that. Shudder.

    Jen and Fran must be happy.Jen and Fran seem so content.

    Fran with hand gun. Is Jen evil?scary-jen-and-fran-photosho

    ONE MORE! (I photoshopped a smile on Jen’s face):

    Jen is smiling.

    June 7, 2009
  • A Poster on Rosin Paper

    Recently, my roof was crawling with roofers and I watched while they threw hunks of 80-year-old shingles into my Lilac bushes. After screaming at them in the only Spanish I knew (¿De quién perro es ése??!! : Whose dog is that??!!) I grew very interested in a particular part of the process: a giant roll of red paper was used to cover my roof like gift-wrap – I thought it was strange and tried to mime some sort of conversation – my arms waving wildly, like I was landing a plane on an aircraft carrier. The foreman handed me a hundred-dollar-bill and told me I was special. I still don’t know what happened. 

    Madge is turning sixty AND ALSO celebrating her 35th wedding anniversary. I have the honor of creating a poster to commemorate this Holy Convergence. There is a roll of red rosin paper and a couple cans of ink in the shop that are dying to be a part of the project. Here’s a sneak peak:

    scan-35-60.color

    June 6, 2009
  • Are you my logo?

    Back in the day When Men Wore Hats, back when cuffs were linked, when the boardroom had a bar, when men were men and women were secretaries; way back then, The Logo was king. I wish I could have been there. Thank God for Mad Men.  Dear Lord, please protect Don Draper from small cell lung carcinoma. Amen.

    I love a good logo. I love it like I love my mother. I want it to challenge me at every turn.  I want it to lodge itself into my relational thinking. I want it to manipulate me. I DO.

    Observe:

    Vandalia-Street-Press-card.

    Selby Otis card

    May 27, 2009
  • Californy is the place you ought to be

    California would be the perfect place to be except for one teeny-tiny thing. No Zeichen Press. But soon all of its fine citizens will gobble up our goods like manna in the desert. LIKE MANNA. 

    Will Los Angeles (and its glorious surrounding areas) embrace the simple and slightly twisted humor from Minnesota? 

    Stay tuned.

    May 20, 2009
  • My Google Shrine is bogus

    What am I doing wrong? I devote myself to one search engine. ONE. There are so many more but my eye has never wandered. Sure, I played around a little bit with Yahoo – who didn’t? I just feel like this relationship is completely one-sided. I do. I give and give, search and search and when I FINALLY search for me, I get nothing but pages and pages of other letterpress studios. UM, that makes me ill. Listen, google: (If that is your real name) You either put me first or it’s over. That’s me; Zeichen Press. A design and letterpress studio in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Maker of fun and funny greeting cards and disc sleeves for one and all.

    May 13, 2009
  • First Base with Trader Joe’s

    The Trader Joe’s card chick sent a fat check with a little note that said, “Dearest Zeichen Press, let’s get it on.” 

    Isn’t that romantic?

    Sighhh, I love this stage of a relationship. Both a little awkward, both excited – sniffing each other’s bottoms. Other things go unnoticed –  cleaning, bills, cooking, dad’s life-support machine. 

    I used to raise my hand in class, working my face to communicate a message to my teacher. It was important to get into character – my character was The Girl That Needs To Use The Bathroom Super Bad. It was serious. Of course, I’d be excused and head to the library. The librarian was the tough but lovable hunchback, Sister Avila. She loved the Dewey Decimal System. Never a word from her mouth – just the stern pencil-tapping was enough to make me stuff a sock in it. Every day there was a crisp new StarTribune on the big table. I would feign interest in Global Matters but couldn’t wait to get the comics.

    If Trader Joe’s likes this next round of cards I owe it all to skipping class, Sister Avila, and the comics of the late-1980’s. I claimed to despise the Family Circus, but dammit – I read it every day. I also followed Mark Trail - the Cary Grant of the comics. BUT I saved The Far Side for the very end – Gary Larson was the Pope of the Funnies. If he ever comes out of his pen-and-ink cave, I will kiss his ring.

    Okay, here we go:

    HURRY! That birthday is just around the corner.That's MR. Happy BirthdayYou don't look a day over three.I'm clearing my calendar for your birthday.Yikes! My youth just scurried by.

    May 12, 2009
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  • Gratitude For Summer Intern Expressed Through Semaphore (Etc.)

    I wrapped myself in bacon yesterday for a phone interview with Mpls. St. Paul magazine.

    I was, I’m sure, delicious.

    She wanted to talk about the new book but I wanted to talk about the last episode of Long Island Medium.

    long island medium

    She said she was too “busy” to talk about what I wanted to talk about. What? Too busy to care??

    Moving on:

    Zeichen Press found a new intern and she already promised to fold my laundry. I’ll give her this new card as soon as she puts my clothes away:merdankcias.blue

    June 4, 2013
  • This Blog Post Would Be Better If It Was Wrapped In Bacon

    I live on a farm so I can swim through my gold coin-filled silos like Uncle Scrooge McDuck. My latest money-making scheme is sure to fill its very own silo: A downloadable collection of our cards turned cartoons!cover-image could-be-worse

    I’ve requested that royalties be paid in gold doubloons.

    Download yours today!

    May 26, 2013
  • Hey, You Got Your Nature In My Peanut Butter

    Clip-clop-clip-clop… I watched her gracefully stroll down 28th Street. She, a 125 pound White Tailed Deer, came towards me on the sidewalk. Her head turned left and right, taking in the scenery like a tourist. I sat as still as a frightened rabbit, hoping she would mistake me for something non-threatening. The air was perfectly calm and the smoke from my cigarette rose straight into the sky. Oh, but she noticed me! We were locked in a staring contest for what felt like forever, and then she bounced away. Faster than I knew a deer could run, she bounded across Hennepin Avenue.old-apartment-google-mapsAnd a bear wandered up to a strip mall last week in Cottage Grove. I felt it should be commemorated.missing-bear-yellow

    May 20, 2013
  • Please Like This

    It’s time to free ourselves from the shackles of this social networking monster.

    We are ignorant prisoners, dragging our metal cups across the bars while our warden stuffs his fat face with naturally-cased wieners.

    We are school children, wandering like Wii avatars, waiting for the bell to ring only to be called in to diagram sentences.wii avatars

    We are the Israelites crushed by our taskmasters, waiting for the supernatural smiting of the Egyptians.

    Rise up, people. Stop rowing the slave ship. The candy tasted so good before we got in the van, but now we must be deprogrammed. Make no mistake about it — this is some sort of Stockholm Syndrome. Oh, the candy… so sweet, so forbidden, so Turkish-Delighty.

    Damn you, Facebook!

    I’ve flushed my precious time down the toilet. Time I’ll never get back. Just like the year I got hooked on Party of Five – those orphaned Salingers led by their gorgeous brother/carpenter, Matthew Fox…

    Oh, but it’s done now. No point in looking back. Friend requests, status updates, profile pictures — word combinations unwittingly added to the English lexicon!

    I’ve got a word for you: insidious.

    Never has there been such a tool, such a divisive tool. It wears a party hat and mixes the strongest drinks, watching the party-goers behave like jackasses. Why?

    Ask son-of-a-dentist/billionaire, Mark Zuckerberg. Mr. Zuckerberg was unavailable for comment during the writing of this, and it’s no wonder. He’s in Palo Alto, counting his drug money. I’m booking a flight to Palo Alto and am either going to personally punch him in the face or flatter him until he hires me as his “personal secretary.” The second scenario is obviously more lucrative. The point is, I will no longer be in this creepy symbiotic relationship.

    I will be free. (cue the MLK footage)wasnt affirmed on facebook

    May 11, 2013
  • Living Near the Edge-ish

    Print shops are full of danger.

    Hands mangled, digits lost, clothes torn right off of bodies… (I better fact-check that last one).

    Zeichen Press is no exception.

    Behold:spider-and-typeLook if you must. Sometimes it is better to face the painful, it desensitizes the mind.

    That’s good, right?

    Because I am so committed to my craft, I (by “I”, I mean “my son”) squished the spider, and finished laying out this card:let-us-not-dwell-2Mother’s Day is coming up but you don’t have to get your mom a card.silly-old-day

    May 3, 2013
  • Ever-Expanding Empire

    Three new rep groups this Spring.

    THREE.

    These new (lucky) states are: Virginia, West Virginia, Idaho, Montana, Alaska, and New Mexico. Each rep gets a box of goodies, packed by Jen:rep-decks

    I bet that’s a lot of work.

    I wish I could help but I’m too busy watching Pam watch kittens on televison while I lay in bed.

    I DID write/design some new cards — I’ve heard that laughing is as good for your body as eating so I plan to airdrop some new cards to the starving people in the world.

    I’m sure they’ll be grateful. must-lower-expectationsmy-dad-awesome put-you-in-a-nursing-homerevised-vert-devoured-by-wolveslionel-richie-brought-them-together

    April 26, 2013
  • Safe To Molt Now

    Has Science gone too far?

    Days and nights blurred as the scientist toiled alone — well, not exactly alone — his companions (experiments) lived in a collection of cages. His laboratory (pronounced: lah-boooar-atory) was nestled between the Russkoe Slovo Bookshop and the hydro-electric plant in Krasnoyarsk. 

    His mission?

    To create super-species. Behold his first success… and his new friend:monkey-kitten-photo-2Well, congratulations Doctor Hvorostovsky!

    And now on to my creations:

    (not nearly as controversial)i-bike-bluesometimes-i-cry

    April 25, 2013
  • Such Strong Language

    But how can I be tame when I am thrust into such an atmosphere? weatherI have only one thing to say:

    curse-this-curse-vert

    April 23, 2013
  • Purgatorio di Pesce

    That sounds delicious!

    If Spring would come I wouldn’t be forced to sit here and email sell sheets to hundreds of newspapers around the country. wrapped-in-bacon-sell-sheetI won’t complain about the weather because that’s about as interesting as listening to someone list their health problems. But I WILL say this:

    If I lived in Hawaii, there’d be no Zeichen Press.

    See, I can always find the blessing in disguise.a-blessing-in-disguise-blueOh fine, here’s a new card — inspired by the endless Winter:purgatory-red

    April 21, 2013
  • Always Winter but never Christmas (or Spring)

    The woman gazes through her window. A window covered in dog-drool, a window with a view of only one season: Winter. She stares, slack-jawed, at the slow parade of life.twilight-zone-logo

    There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area we call the Twilight Zone.

    SERIOUSLY?!?letting-go-rose

    April 17, 2013
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