• Swine Flu and the Fish Pond

    We had a special guest for TWO WHOLE WEEKS! : The Swine Flu aka:H1N1 That’s just what we needed to shake things up around here! Oh, and nothing brings a family together like contagious disease. I mean it. I barely notice my kids unless their eyes get glassy and they vomit on my bedroom floor. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, a nosebleed will get my attention -and so will a 2 am phone call from the Edina Police. Oh, kids!quarantine-sign-450x293

    I heard that “scientists” are working on some sort of “immunization” for this particular version of the flu. They can just inject themselves with their magic potion. I’m not standing in line at the Walgreens with a bunch of clammy people. Anyway, I discovered the cure: 100 episodes of Malcom in the Middle and lots of popsicles. When The Plague finally, and politely, exited our home – I felt that I needed another challenge:

    The Fish Pond at St. Helena’s:

    dylan-at-the-fish-pond

    Of course! Everyone knows what a daredevil I am – I just couldn’t say no to Jen’s (repeated) requests to “volunteer.”  I don’t regret a moment. In fact, I’m pretty sure that my time in Purgatory is reduced by exactly the same amount of hours that I spent in that claustrophobic booth. That’s five hours, God. Should I go on and on about the ROOM & BOARD project I’m working on? 21 down, only 279 to go! I love you, grayish-brownish-not-quite-taupe-ish-sort-of-smog-ish ink.

    September 23, 2009
  • Would You Rather…?

    Vomit blood for a week or have a nail gun misfire so that the nail pierces your eyeball?*

    WHICH ONE DO YOU CHOOSE?!

    Maybe I’d choose the vomiting… I hear the ICU is like staying in a fancy hotel. You see? Life is about choices. Or wait… is it about rolling with the punches? Having your eye sewn shut is worse than getting punched – Maybe life is about getting your nail-pierced-eyeball sewn shut.

    Yes. That sounds about right.

    °°°°°°

    * These events are true and happened to two men that I know. Both named Ben.

    September 7, 2009
  • Psycho Suzie’s and the Fu Manchu

    I can’t wait to turn 40.

    Jen did it and she got a Fu Manchu AND pickles. It was a very special evening – one she will never remember.jen-and-the-fu-manchu

    See how the Fu Manchu put her under his spell? Isn’t he cunning? Poor Jen, she never had a chance.

    September 3, 2009
  • Best In Show

    I was always jealous of those farm kids at the State Fair. Barefoot and confident, covered in dust — their coveralls did indeed coverall, catching every drip of ice cream, every drop of grease. I imagined that they slept right on the hay bales that penned off their milking goats – what a life!

    Their blue-ribbon proudly pinned for all the Fair-Goers to see. And The City Kids lined up to milk their goats! Why can’t I have a goat? Why can’t I run around the fair barefoot — ringworm be damned! 

    I guess that DIY story is coming together — one of the writers called me on my telephone… I kept telling her everything was “off the record” – she seemed confused. I can’t just open myself up to the public.  They did ask me to create Headlines for the other “Best In Show” categories. I wanted to do them in macaroni but they reminded me that I own a design and letterpress studio – not a design and macaroni studio. Now I feel like a missed the boat on that concept.

    mp_main_wide_jesus-seed-art-254x300

    Here are some of the headlines they asked for:web-printed-pressed-450x213web-cast-and-carved

    Oh, they also wanted some blue ribbons:web-first-place-three-ribbo

    August 15, 2009
  • Sankyou Panko Japanese Style Breading (box)

    “How can we be expected to teach children to read when they can’t even fit inside the building?”-Derek Zoolander

    It turns out that Panko Japanese Style Breading boxes are the perfect size for my Press (kit) Boxes! It’s true. Now my family will enjoy breaded EVERYTHING for the next two weeks.

    Breaded meat, breaded not-meat, breaded bread… YUMMY.    press-box-closedpress-box-open

    The boxes have been turned inside-out, printed on, and stuffed with a variety of cards. I might sprinkle extra breading in for packing… We’ll see. I’d say that I’m sending them to my favorite magazines but that’s not entirely true.

    Bass Master, Muslim Girl, and Quick Quilts didn’t make the cut.

    Who did?

    Oprah and Martha. And others. I think Oprah and Martha should combine forces, the masses would kneel before them.

    August 12, 2009
  • Chanukah and the Beach

    Back on the Cape (Cod) again. I spent a restless night out in the barn. Maybe it was the vinyl covered futon OR my teenager’s shenanigans OR the twin mosquitos that took turns attacking me. I just don’t know – I just don’t know why my uncomfortable evening produced this:chanukah1

    (Inside: God bless you.)

    August 6, 2009
â†Previous Page
1 … 66 67 68 69 70 … 79
Next Page→
  • This doll is possessed. It isn’t even funny, it’s sad.

    October 26, 2016
  • Good times.

    October 26, 2016
  • King Henry VIII

    anthony-as-king-henry-viii_0

    October 26, 2016
  • In case you missed them:

    October 26, 2016
  • Bully Cat

    October 26, 2016
  • Forever Lazy

    October 26, 2016
  • So beautiful.

    October 26, 2016
  • FINALLY.

    October 26, 2016
  • The Big Picture

    This is the face of a girl who got a globe for Christmas the year before. A girl determined to prove to everyone how much she needed; NAY, deserved the Lite-Brite. fran-lite-brite

    Santa would never make that mistake again. 

    This determination guided the girl for a lifetime, nothing would stand between her and her singleminded fixations. Fran etch a sketch

    NOTHING.

    fran-covered-in-kittens

    One of the latest obstacles were some pesky illustrated creatures 45510_frog_concertwho needed to be removed so one frog could fulfill his God-given right to sing Wayne Newton.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRPILZS1hc8

    And sing he did. 

    darling-danke-schon

    Yours for only $4.50! (SOON.)

    darling-frog

    October 21, 2016
  • Slightly Different

    Usually bragging is reserved for Facebook, family newsletters, and prison cells. But showering has made me feel fancy and solitary confinement has made me such a blabbermouth!
    SO behold our new bathroom:bathroom-newMillie wanted to show off the bathroom but she isn’t tall enough to open the backdoor.squirrel-millie-wordsToo bad we re-screened that door!

    Did that squirrel even know he/she was the color of my new grout?? I’m kidding! I’m sure he/she did!

    Speaking of Dove Gray™ grout, (WERE WE??) I made a new card. Intern #1 said it was Mom Humor. I told her to go to her room.an-elephant-never-forgets

    October 11, 2016
â†Previous Page
1 2 3 4 … 48
Next Page→

Notifications