• Swine Flu and the Fish Pond

    We had a special guest for TWO WHOLE WEEKS! : The Swine Flu aka:H1N1 That’s just what we needed to shake things up around here! Oh, and nothing brings a family together like contagious disease. I mean it. I barely notice my kids unless their eyes get glassy and they vomit on my bedroom floor. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, a nosebleed will get my attention -and so will a 2 am phone call from the Edina Police. Oh, kids!quarantine-sign-450x293

    I heard that “scientists” are working on some sort of “immunization” for this particular version of the flu. They can just inject themselves with their magic potion. I’m not standing in line at the Walgreens with a bunch of clammy people. Anyway, I discovered the cure: 100 episodes of Malcom in the Middle and lots of popsicles. When The Plague finally, and politely, exited our home – I felt that I needed another challenge:

    The Fish Pond at St. Helena’s:

    dylan-at-the-fish-pond

    Of course! Everyone knows what a daredevil I am – I just couldn’t say no to Jen’s (repeated) requests to “volunteer.”  I don’t regret a moment. In fact, I’m pretty sure that my time in Purgatory is reduced by exactly the same amount of hours that I spent in that claustrophobic booth. That’s five hours, God. Should I go on and on about the ROOM & BOARD project I’m working on? 21 down, only 279 to go! I love you, grayish-brownish-not-quite-taupe-ish-sort-of-smog-ish ink.

    September 23, 2009
  • Would You Rather…?

    Vomit blood for a week or have a nail gun misfire so that the nail pierces your eyeball?*

    WHICH ONE DO YOU CHOOSE?!

    Maybe I’d choose the vomiting… I hear the ICU is like staying in a fancy hotel. You see? Life is about choices. Or wait… is it about rolling with the punches? Having your eye sewn shut is worse than getting punched – Maybe life is about getting your nail-pierced-eyeball sewn shut.

    Yes. That sounds about right.

    °°°°°°

    * These events are true and happened to two men that I know. Both named Ben.

    September 7, 2009
  • Psycho Suzie’s and the Fu Manchu

    I can’t wait to turn 40.

    Jen did it and she got a Fu Manchu AND pickles. It was a very special evening – one she will never remember.jen-and-the-fu-manchu

    See how the Fu Manchu put her under his spell? Isn’t he cunning? Poor Jen, she never had a chance.

    September 3, 2009
  • Best In Show

    I was always jealous of those farm kids at the State Fair. Barefoot and confident, covered in dust — their coveralls did indeed coverall, catching every drip of ice cream, every drop of grease. I imagined that they slept right on the hay bales that penned off their milking goats – what a life!

    Their blue-ribbon proudly pinned for all the Fair-Goers to see. And The City Kids lined up to milk their goats! Why can’t I have a goat? Why can’t I run around the fair barefoot — ringworm be damned! 

    I guess that DIY story is coming together — one of the writers called me on my telephone… I kept telling her everything was “off the record” – she seemed confused. I can’t just open myself up to the public.  They did ask me to create Headlines for the other “Best In Show” categories. I wanted to do them in macaroni but they reminded me that I own a design and letterpress studio – not a design and macaroni studio. Now I feel like a missed the boat on that concept.

    mp_main_wide_jesus-seed-art-254x300

    Here are some of the headlines they asked for:web-printed-pressed-450x213web-cast-and-carved

    Oh, they also wanted some blue ribbons:web-first-place-three-ribbo

    August 15, 2009
  • Sankyou Panko Japanese Style Breading (box)

    “How can we be expected to teach children to read when they can’t even fit inside the building?”-Derek Zoolander

    It turns out that Panko Japanese Style Breading boxes are the perfect size for my Press (kit) Boxes! It’s true. Now my family will enjoy breaded EVERYTHING for the next two weeks.

    Breaded meat, breaded not-meat, breaded bread… YUMMY.    press-box-closedpress-box-open

    The boxes have been turned inside-out, printed on, and stuffed with a variety of cards. I might sprinkle extra breading in for packing… We’ll see. I’d say that I’m sending them to my favorite magazines but that’s not entirely true.

    Bass Master, Muslim Girl, and Quick Quilts didn’t make the cut.

    Who did?

    Oprah and Martha. And others. I think Oprah and Martha should combine forces, the masses would kneel before them.

    August 12, 2009
  • Chanukah and the Beach

    Back on the Cape (Cod) again. I spent a restless night out in the barn. Maybe it was the vinyl covered futon OR my teenager’s shenanigans OR the twin mosquitos that took turns attacking me. I just don’t know – I just don’t know why my uncomfortable evening produced this:chanukah1

    (Inside: God bless you.)

    August 6, 2009
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  • I Think I Can, I Think I Can

    Jen’s in Austria because she loves gazebos.Sound of Music GazeboThe Intern (Madge) is in Italy because she loves dreamy landscapes.dreamy landscape.MadgeAnd I am here because I love the smell of flooded basements. basement floor.2016Is that asbestos tile??

    Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. See how we just throw caution to the wind over here?? I almost forgot what the floor looked like under 1,000 lbs of soaked carpet! And that was my lesson about not taking things for granted.

    Between all that lesson-learnin’, I made a new card.bad back uselessDon’t hurry home guys!

    June 16, 2016
  • Being A Better Person

    Tib knows it’s summer because the screens are on.

    *tib screen window 2016And *I* know it’s summer for other, more important, reasons.swimsuit season is upon usBut I’m trying to be a better person/less into body-sculpting, so I decided to read a book. It was written by The Intern’s daughter, Nora McInerny Purmot.*Its Okay To LaughChapter 25 was especially fun to read because Madge is so near and dear to my heart and I could relate to the notion of elder-abuse.madge chapter 25Except my mom has made it very clear that she wants to be euthanized via pillow-suffocation, pre-elder-abuse.

    Oh, mom!

    June 2, 2016
  • Semi-Casual Observer

    Wait a sec… This ice cream truck drives slowly by the house/Zeichen Press HQ every day,ice cream truck window 2016but I have never really studied it…

    Zoom… Enhance…ice cream truck cropAnd again…

    …

    …

    …

    …

    …read my face typeI KNEW IT.

    May 26, 2016
  • Art Licensing Part X

    RSVP wanted MORE greeting card submissions. And having a wet towel for a brain makes it so much easier to wring.rsvp.3.choosersvp.high five graduationrsvp golf.better

    rsvp.dear god with PS

    May 13, 2016
  • Behold, I Make All Things New

    Remember last year when my lung collapsed and my mom had to sleep on a cot in my dingy bedroom so she could walk me to the bathroom in the middle of the night?collapsed lung discharge papersAnd EMTs had to come to that same dingy bedroom, on that very same night, because we thought my chest-tube had fallen out?

    No?

    I know you’re wondering if the EMTs were cute and why my bedroom was so dingy. Um, my mom volunteered to be their Resusci Annie doll and I’ve been a little too busy building the Zeichen Press Empire to focus on home-making frivolity.

    But, between choosing paper/envelopes for the Spring Release and conquering territories, I did refresh my bedroom. And now I see no reason to ever leave it.new roomChoosing paint color is just like choosing ink color. But with less Jen and more anxiety.

    Speaking of self-medicating (was I?) here’s a Spring Release teaser (see/buy ALL 12 from the shop!):use.app for this

    May 4, 2016
  • Around The World In A Day

    1985 : Minneapolis

    One 13 year old girl (me) biked to Calhoun Square in Uptown to buy a record for her friend’s birthday and almost kept it for herself (myself).

    I might have forgotten to ask to borrow the bike from my sister. And might have forgotten to ask permission from my mom to bike there. And I might have not brought a bike lock. And the bike might have been stolen from the entrance where it was super-discreetly parked behind the Calhoun Square signage. AND I might have had to walk home. 

    But how could I not risk everything (being grounded) to get that album when I was pretty sure Prince wrote Paisley Park about me??:

    Colorful people whose hair

    On 1 side is swept back

    Sigh.thanks for all the things purple

    April 24, 2016
  • Franmas 2016!

    After coughing the web of mucus from my throat, it was time to choose paper and envelope colors for the Spring Release.Dinah crazy love cardDinah told me later that she was plotting my murder while I took this photo.

    Oh, Dinah! What will make you snap?!

    Wait, tell us more about the web of mucus!

    No! No more. Onto more important things.

    Like frogs im Deutschland.darling danke schonWho needs pants when you have legs like that? Amiright??

    April 12, 2016
  • Throwback Thursday (#TBT)

    Miss Sherman was our 5th grade music teacher and aside from corporeal punishment and unruly hair, she was perfect. Every week, students were encouraged to bring in their favorite record album. And because lessons are best learned through repeated humiliation (read about First Picture Day at my new school), I brought in my favorite album.muppet movie album

    …I wonder what the other kids brought! This is SO much fun!

    …Wait…

    Michael Jackson, Off The Wall…

    The Cars, Panorama??…

    Oh, Kermit! Nobody understands us/Miss Sherman forgot to call on me/oh look, this record barely sticks out between my stack of books/these darn Fall allergies make my eyes water!

    I wouldn’t tell my mom about this while I stood by the piano as she played folk songs and I sang my little heart out. I WOULDN’T.

    What I’m trying to say is that Jen and I picked cards for our Spring Release.

    Here’s a teaser:is there an app for this.vert.

    March 31, 2016
  • BIG plans vs. reality

    One of our many cats had chronic diarrhea. We kept her around because she produced litter after litter of adorable white kittens.

    And because coming home was always a surprise – where would we find her poop today?? In the mitten-bin… in the laundry basket… under my daughter’s pillow??

    Life is so full of surprises!

    Like, when the vet called to say she died after he removed her ovaries. SURPRISE! Oh, but now she doesn’t send us on poop-hunts, because she’s buried in a shallow grave in the backyard.

    First life zigs, and then it zags!gonna start juicing

    March 18, 2016
  • Let the healing begin!

    Chickenpox?lucy pox 2016Broken femur?Anthony hospitalSERIOUSLY???FEEL BETTER

    March 8, 2016
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