Zeichen Press – Page 6 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Swine Flu and the Fish Pond

We had a special guest for TWO WHOLE WEEKS! : The Swine Flu�aka:H1N1�That’s just what we needed to shake things up�around here! Oh, and nothing brings a family together like contagious disease. I mean it. I barely notice my kids unless their eyes get glassy and they vomit on my bedroom floor. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, a nosebleed will get my attention -and so will a 2 am phone call from the Edina Police. Oh, kids!

I heard that “scientists” are working on some sort of “immunization” for this particular version of the flu. They can just inject themselves with their magic potion. I’m not standing in line at the Walgreens with a bunch of clammy people. Anyway, I discovered the cure: 100 episodes of Malcom in the Middle�and lots of popsicles. When The Plague finally, and politely, exited our home – I felt that I needed another challenge:

The�Fish Pond at St. Helena’s:

Of course!�Everyone knows what a daredevil I am – I just couldn’t say no to Jen’s (repeated) requests to “volunteer.”� I don’t regret a moment. In fact, I’m pretty sure that my time in Purgatory is reduced by exactly the same amount of hours that I spent in that claustrophobic booth. That’s five hours, God. Should I go on and on about the ROOM & BOARD project I’m working on?�21 down, only 279 to go!�I love you, grayish-brownish-not-quite-taupe-ish-sort-of-smog-ish ink.

September 23, 2009
Would You Rather…?

Vomit blood for a week or have a nail gun misfire so that the nail pierces your eyeball?*

WHICH ONE DO YOU CHOOSE?!

Maybe I’d choose the vomiting… I hear the ICU is like staying in a fancy hotel.�You see? Life is about choices. Or wait… is it about rolling with the punches?�Having your eye sewn shut is worse than getting punched – Maybe life is about getting your nail-pierced-eyeball sewn shut.

Yes. That sounds about right.

��

* These events are true and happened to two men that I know. Both named Ben.

September 7, 2009
Psycho Suzie’s and the Fu Manchu

I can’t wait to turn 40.

Jen did it and she got a Fu Manchu AND pickles. It was a very special evening – one she will never remember.

See how the Fu Manchu put her under his spell? Isn’t he cunning? Poor Jen, she never had a chance.

September 3, 2009
Best In Show

I was always jealous of those farm kids at the State Fair. Barefoot and confident, covered in dust � their coveralls did indeed coverall, catching every drip of ice cream, every drop of grease. I imagined that they slept right on the hay bales that penned off their milking goats – what a life!

Their blue-ribbon proudly pinned for all the Fair-Goers to see.�And�The City Kids lined up to milk�their�goats!�Why can’t I have a goat? Why can’t I run around the fair barefoot � ringworm be damned!�

I guess�that DIY story�is coming together � one of the writers called me on my telephone… I kept telling her everything was “off the record” – she seemed confused. I can’t just open myself up to the public.� They did ask me to create Headlines for the other “Best In Show” categories. I wanted to do them in macaroni but they reminded me that I own a design and�letterpress�studio – not a design and macaroni�studio. Now I feel like a missed the boat on that concept.

Here are some of the headlines they asked for:

Oh, they also wanted some blue ribbons:

August 15, 2009
Sankyou Panko Japanese Style Breading (box)

“How can we be expected to teach children to read when they can’t even fit inside the building?”-Derek Zoolander

It turns out that Panko Japanese Style�Breading boxes are the perfect size for my Press (kit) Boxes! It’s true. Now my family will enjoy breaded EVERYTHING for the next two weeks.

Breaded meat, breaded not-meat, breaded bread… YUMMY. � �

The boxes have been turned inside-out, printed on, and stuffed with a variety of cards. I might sprinkle extra breading in for packing… We’ll see. I’d say that I’m sending them to my favorite magazines but that’s not entirely true.

Bass Master, Muslim Girl, and Quick Quilts didn’t make the cut.

Who did?

Oprah and Martha. And others. I think Oprah and Martha should combine forces, the masses would kneel before them.

August 12, 2009
Chanukah and the Beach

Back on the Cape (Cod) again. I spent a restless night out in the barn. Maybe it was the vinyl covered futon OR my teenager’s shenanigans OR the twin mosquitos that took turns attacking me. I just don’t know – I just don’t know why my uncomfortable evening produced this:

(Inside: God bless you.)

August 6, 2009

The Perfect Christmas Cards

Thank you,�Religion News Service, for�appreciating�the ho-ho-Holiday-humdrum-hole-filling. �And thank you, Dinah the Cat, for understanding the true meaning of Christmas.And you’re right, you should be in the new Christmas card.

December 15, 2015
Holiday Season Opener

Oh,�No Coast Craft-o-Rama… You never let us down!�The�Midtown Market’s halls were decked and bedazzled with all things Holiday… And handmade�goodness was traded for cold-hard-cash.

The Zeichen Press Empire is always draped in black fabric because black is slimming.

Here’s a new Christmas card/fantasy?:

December 8, 2015
This Time of Year Fills Me With

The�No Coast Craft-O-Rama�is TODAY�and tomorrow�(December 4th and 5th) and Jen has been feverishly printing in preparation.

She must have been too busy to notice my new woodpile!Come see all of the Holiday Goodies at the�Midtown Global Market�today � Jen will be giving out free hugs with every purchase!

December 4, 2015
THANK YOU!

Once Upon A Time,�my sister got the stomach flu so bad. Poor thing… up in the middle of the night… every bit of food evacuating her body post-haste. Who knew the colon could churn and transform loose stool into clear�liquid? Well, my brother found out when he sleep-stumbled into the bathroom and slipped and skated on the translucent trots that never made it into the toilet-bowl.

See? Analogy. Our gratitude just pours out of us! It’s almost like a medical condition.

To “give back”, we are hosting Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade!

Tune in!

November 26, 2015
FINE. We can be friends.

**An Open Letter to Alexis Stewart:

Dear Alexis Stewart,

If you want to be friends with me, just ask. You don’t need to buy all of your Christmas and birthday AND Mother’s Day cards from me.

Friends Forever,

Fran

—

Whew! I’m glad I got that out of the way! Thanks to�Mail Chimp, our email-blast campaign was full of success.

Wanna know what�Mother’s Day�card�Martha Stewart�is getting in 2016???

I’LL NEVER TELL!!!

November 21, 2015
Wherein One Woman Does NOT Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Does my IQ have to be higher to understand Sci-Fi films?? �As the credits rolled for Interstellar, I whispered, to myself,�“whaaat???”�Maybe I should have taken 100 classes to prep me? All of that technlogy and time-talk made me wish I was working on the new Zeichen Press catalog that Jen so agressively marked-up.I’LL GET TO IT. As soon as I finish rewatching Mad Men.

And while I’m (not) doing that,�The Internis�gallivanting about in Italy like some sort of hippie. Well, let’s just see if you have a studio to come home to. (OMG, I’M KIDDING. Please come home. And bring us souvenirs.)

November 13, 2015
#empathycards

“WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT??”

~Fran Shea

These cards�stopped me right in my (dog) poop-covered tracks:Let’s be friends,�Emily McDowell.

Too needy?�

November 4, 2015
Non! Je Ne Regrette Rien!

Dinah always makes�such�a big deal about choosing paper and envelope color for a new release.

First, she has Jen print a card:

And then she does this:

She is such a taskmaster.

October 27, 2015
NOT YOUR DOORMAT

Greeting cards would be better if they were huge. And I could wipe my feet on them.

And what better way to spread the Good Word of Zeichen Press than by emblazoning it upon the doormat of�every doorstep for every home throughout the land?High Cotton�makes lots of things, for lots of people. And now they will make doormats for us. I mean,�for you.�They’ll make doormats for you. Designed by us.

October 26, 2015
Gracias…

…El Ni�o.�I know I’m supposed to be cursing Climate Change… I KNOW.

But how can I curse when meteorologists are predicting a�warmer-than-usual�winter??

I must embrace the phenomenon the way a mother embraces her wayward son.

IN OTHER NEWS, Jen and I chose 12 cards for the next release using darts, a cardboard cutout of Steve Buscemi, and our first-aid kit.

Here’s a teaser:And because I always plan ahead, here’s a new Father’s Day card:

October 17, 2015