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Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
Who’s the fairest one of all?
There is SO much happening around here! First, I had to bait a squirrel trap
to catch theKitchen-Squirrel. I was going to fill the trap with mykitchen garbage(her favorite) but I decided to go for something more bourgeois: Skippy Peanut Butter.And then there was a serious decision to make: Which card would Paper Source like more?
I hope we chose wisely because one of our lives (Jen’s) is on the line.Oh, and I didn’t forget that it is Valentine’s Day today, I am very romantic. Here is proof:
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Meat Suits And Building A Fan Base
For Immediate Release:In an attempt to build the Zeichen Press Fan Base, Jen Shea and Fran Shea willappear on a local cable-access show locked in a cell and covered in Fancy Feast. 1,000 cats will be released into the cell through a small hatch. Fran and Jen will sing a medley of famous duets, includingIslands In the Stream,Endless Love, andYou Don’t Bring Me Flowers.
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Inspiration Constipation Frustration
I’ve been told that life is full of challenges. And I’m sure that, someday, I’ll encounter one. I hope it’s not a shipwreck or banishment. …I will probably contract the Ebola Virus.I designed a card for myself in preparation.
Oh, but here’s a more “buyable” card for those of us that need encouragement:
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HIGH FIVE!
In the belly of the Good Ship Whistlesnot sat two strangers one called Captain Fatchtinkle and the other, Timtim Lipskin.
They chatted like two gentlemen between rounds of whiskey-pong and Password and it wasn’t long before discoveringthey shared a passion for shuffleboard.
A friendship was born!
(To be continued…)
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Understanding Your Target Demographic
Hello.
My name isPevenshire Wiffynutsand I’m here today to talk about targeting your demographic. Whether you are marketing adult diapers, cowboy hats, or cemetery plots, it is critical that you understand your audience. That may mean that you have to poop in your pants, herd cows, or bury a loved one.
Don’t be afraid to do these things they will help you effectively move product and change lives.
Wow! Thanks, Pevenshire.
I hear what you’re saying I ripped off my mom-mask to reveal the face of an eight-year-old-boy so I could create this birthday card:
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Fairy Tales And True Tales
The poor peasant said it best, “even if we had only one and it were quite small, and only as big as a thumb, I should be quite satisfied, and we would still love it with all our hearts.”
If Fairy Tales were true, hedgehogs would speak and donkeys would spew gold. And poor old peasants could wish and receive tiny children.
I wrote a Fairy Tale about an old childless couple and a duck. Inspired bytrue events. In the story, there is a duck, a baby, and an angry mob.
But I’ve said too much!
I’ll get that published someday but MEANWHILE here is a card for the new parent it features a disgruntled chick.
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Have You Seen This Baby?
I’ve nursed a few babies in my day and that makes me an expert on sacrifice.
It does.
Or is it laziness? Making a bottle seemed like so much work! …Get out of my cozy bed, walk all the way to the kitchen, measure and pour powdered formula into a bottle, warm water in pan on stove, add water to bottle, test temperature
OR
lift up my shirt.
Anyway, I made a card for the new mother:
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General Sherman’s Men Are Praying For You
Isn’t that a comforting thought?
If I had a tumor, I’d want a group of strangers to pray it away.
Less messy than surgery.
Also, if I could train a field-full of meerkats to pray for me, I would.
That would be adorable.Thanks (or no thanks) to Facebook, phrases that were once packed with meaning, are like a watered-down drink:You are in our prayers… We are all praying for you…
These, followed by a frowny-face 🙁 are now much more common than a hand-written note.
🙁 x 1,000!
Someday we’ll createEncouragement Cardsfor the most grievous of events(will we??)but how about those events that still deserve more than a Facebook comment? How about: sewage backups, low-risk operations, stomach flus, power-outtages, lost dogs, lost luggage, car-jackings, rat-infestations, or hauntings?
Not quite tragic but still entitled to a show of support. A card like this (IN THE MAILBOX) would cheer a person up posthaste:
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Hands-Free Forever
It was time forThe Sign Of Peace,and as all members of the congregation turned to offer their hand for a firm shaking, I slowly let my sleeve swallowmyhand.
With a forlorn look and one missing hand, I imagined the gasps of concern for my deformity. I turned to the family in the pew behind me they would wonder if I was born crippled or if my hand had been lost in a bloody accident. I was eager to extend my handless arm, my face already prepared and appropriately pitiful.
Oh, but why do parents have to crush their children’s fantasies?
And here’s another story about hands:
I took woodshop in highschool.
I did.I was the only girl. The room was filled with dangerous power-tools and I secretly hoped for the “automatic A” decribed by the teacher:”If a student is dumb enough to sever a finger or an entire hand, they will receive an automatic A.”
Unfortunately, I successfully made a box:
Speaking of hands, here’s a new card: