Zeichen Press – Page 21 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

The Big Picture

This is the face of a girl who got a globe for Christmas the year before. A girl determined to prove to everyone how much she needed;�NAY,�deserved the Lite-Brite.�

Santa would never make that mistake again.�

This determination guided the girl for a lifetime, nothing would stand between her and her singleminded fixations.

NOTHING.

One of the latest obstacles were some pesky illustrated creatures who needed to be removed so�one frog could fulfill�his God-given right to sing Wayne Newton.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRPILZS1hc8

And sing he did.�

Yours for only $4.50! (SOON.)

October 21, 2016
Slightly Different

Usually bragging is reserved for Facebook, family newsletters, and prison cells. But showering has made me feel fancy and solitary confinement has made me such a blabbermouth!
SO behold our new bathroom:Millie wanted to show off the bathroom but she isn’t tall enough to open the backdoor.Too bad we re-screened that door!

Did that�squirrel even know he/she was the color of my new grout?? I’m kidding! I’m sure he/she did!

Speaking of Dove Gray� grout, (WERE WE??) I made a new card. Intern #1 said it was Mom Humor. I told her to go to her room.

October 11, 2016
Copy. Paste. Repeat. Copy. Paste. Repeat. Copy. Paste. Repeat. Copy. Paste. Repeat.

Have I mentioned how much Millie The Dog�barks at anything and everything within a 500 foot perimeter of our house? Mailman, delivery-person, solicitors, neighbors, guests, the kids, trick-or-treaters, my mom… We’ve talked a lot about it and she feels super responsible for alerting us – I told her that we really don’t need that kind of help, BUT WE DID. SHE WAS RIGHT.�SHE’S ALWAYS RIGHT.

SO, my driveway was full of a dumpster filled with bathroom remodel debris, Millie was having a staycation with a friend, AND SOME JERK CLIPPED THE LOCK ON OUR SHED AND STOLE MY BIKE.And he threw the lock in the dirt like some sort of criminal.

AND THEN, the loser (no judgment) tried to sell MY bike on a site called OfferUp.com.

But he is as slippery as an eel wrapped in a banana peel, and disappeared INTO THE NIGHT. Police have been alerted, prayers to St. Anthony have been said. I asked St. Anthony if he could forward my prayers onto the Patron Saint of Stolen Goods and he told me to go back to sleep and stop Googling�escutcheons�for the new bathroom.

FINE.

While I wait for my miracle, I spend days mindlessly migrating ALL of the content from the Zeichen Press site to THE NEW Zeichen Press site. DON’T WORRY, you won’t even be able to tell the difference because we wanted to spend a lot of money on something that nobody notices.

OH, and Jen got some new/old cutsso�I made a Father’s Day Card out of that little man.BACK TO MIGRATING/WEEPING.

September 22, 2016
Hygiene Tester

I�did the math�and figured�out that two�toilets MINUS one toilet EQUALS one�toilet. And one shower MINUS one shower EQUALS zero showers.

I desperately yelled that equation to the boys during my bathroom demo, but they pretended not to hear me.I only gave birth to them to provide me with free manual labor. Ha! Who’s laughing now, boys??

Anyway, who needs a shower??OR a bath??I barely do.

And as soon as all of my family and friends get back from being out of town for a month, they’ll tell you the same.

Here’s a new birthday card/fantasy:

September 5, 2016
Jenmas Eve!

Everyone celebrates Jenmas Eve differently.*I*�like to go to�Hot Plate�SANS�Jen to eat a Mexican Omelet surrounded by a gallery of�paint-by-number masterpieces.

YEARS AGO, Jen (carefully) slaved away over *her* masterpiece and it sits atop a shelf of knick-knacks in Cape Cod.�

She was so dedicated!�

I bet she knew that someday I’d repay her in birthday cards.

August 25, 2016
Will Design 4… White Italian Cararra Marble Hexagon Tile

The Art Licensor (RSVP) asked us for some birthday cards and because I love to work/need money, I made nine. I won’t bore you with the details/need to get back to listening to my new podcast (My Favorite Murder).

Here are a few… Will they choose any???

Stay tuned.

Thank you, Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. I can’t wait until�Alexis Stewart�and I meet you in person!

August 16, 2016

The mysterious mating practice of the praying mantis, AND YOU!

Ah, romance!�One couple might choose dinner and a movie… Another couple might choose post-coital cannibalism.

February 15, 2013
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

Who’s the fairest one of all?

There is SO much happening around here! First, I had to bait a squirrel trapto catch the�Kitchen-Squirrel. I was going to fill the trap with my�kitchen garbage�(her favorite) but I decided to go for something more bourgeois: Skippy Peanut Butter.

And then there was a serious decision to make: Which card would Paper Source like more?I hope we chose wisely because one of our lives (Jen’s) is on the line.

Oh, and I didn’t forget that it is Valentine’s Day today, I am very romantic. Here is proof:

February 14, 2013
Meat Suits And Building A Fan Base

For Immediate Release:�In an attempt to build the Zeichen Press Fan Base, Jen Shea and Fran Shea will�appear on a local cable-access show locked in a cell and covered in Fancy Feast�. 1,000 cats will be released into the cell through a small hatch. Fran and Jen will sing a medley of famous duets, including�Islands In the Stream,�Endless Love, and�You Don’t Bring Me Flowers.

###

February 10, 2013
Inspiration Constipation Frustration

I’ve been told that life is full of challenges. And I’m sure that, someday, I’ll encounter one. I hope it’s not a shipwreck or banishment. …I will probably contract the Ebola Virus.�I designed a card for myself in preparation.

Oh, but here’s a more “buyable” card for those of us that need encouragement:

February 5, 2013
HIGH FIVE!

In the belly of the Good Ship Whistlesnot sat two strangers � one called Captain Fatchtinkle and the other, Timtim Lipskin.

They chatted like two gentlemen between rounds of whiskey-pong and Password and it wasn’t long before discovering�they shared a passion for shuffleboard.

A friendship was born!

(To be continued…)

February 2, 2013
Understanding Your Target Demographic

Hello.

My name is�Pevenshire Wiffynuts�and I’m here today to talk about targeting your demographic. Whether you are marketing adult diapers, cowboy hats, or cemetery plots, it is critical that you understand your audience. That may mean that you have to poop in your pants, herd cows, or bury a loved one.

Don’t be afraid to do these things � they will help you effectively move product and change lives.�

Wow! Thanks, Pevenshire.

I hear what you’re saying � I ripped off my mom-mask to reveal the face of an eight-year-old-boy so I could create this birthday card:

January 29, 2013
Fairy Tales And True Tales

The poor peasant said it best, “even if we had only one and it were quite small, and only as big as a thumb, I should be quite satisfied, and we would still love it with all our hearts.”

If Fairy Tales were true, hedgehogs would speak and donkeys would spew gold. And poor old peasants could wish and receive tiny children.

I wrote a Fairy Tale about an old childless couple and a duck. Inspired by�true events. In the story, there is a duck, a baby, and an angry mob.

But I’ve said too much!

I’ll get that published someday but MEANWHILE here is a card for the new parent � it features a disgruntled chick.

January 28, 2013
Have You Seen This Baby?

I’ve nursed a few babies in my day and that makes me an expert on sacrifice.

It does.

Or is it laziness? Making a bottle seemed like so much work! …Get out of my cozy bed, walk all the way to the kitchen, measure and pour powdered formula into a bottle, warm water in pan on stove, add water to bottle, test temperature

OR

lift up my shirt.

Anyway, I made a card for the new mother:

January 25, 2013
General Sherman’s Men Are Praying For You

Isn’t that a comforting thought?

If I had a tumor, I’d want a group of strangers to pray it away.

Less messy than surgery.

Also, if I could train a field-full of meerkats to pray for me, I would.That would be adorable.

Thanks (or no thanks) to Facebook, phrases that were once packed with meaning, are like a watered-down drink:�You are in our prayers… We are all praying for you…

These, followed by a frowny-face 🙁 are now much more common than a hand-written note.

🙁 x 1,000!

Someday we’ll create�Encouragement Cards�for the most grievous of events�(will we??)�but how about those events that still deserve more than a Facebook comment? How about: sewage backups, low-risk operations, stomach flus, power-outtages, lost dogs, lost luggage, car-jackings, rat-infestations, or hauntings?

Not quite tragic but still entitled to a show of support. A card like this (IN THE MAILBOX) would cheer a person up posthaste:

January 16, 2013
Hands-Free Forever

It was time for�The Sign Of Peace,�and as all members of the congregation turned to offer their hand for a firm shaking, I slowly let my sleeve swallow�my�hand.

With a forlorn look and one missing hand, I imagined the gasps of concern for my deformity. I turned to the family in the pew behind me � they would wonder if I was born crippled or if my hand had been lost in a bloody accident. I was eager to extend my handless arm, my face already prepared and appropriately pitiful.

Oh, but why do parents have to crush their children’s fantasies?

And here’s another story about hands:

I took woodshop in highschool.

I did.�I was the only girl. The room was filled with dangerous power-tools and I secretly hoped for the “automatic A” decribed by the teacher:�”If a student is dumb enough to sever a finger or an entire hand, they will receive an automatic A.”�

Unfortunately, I successfully made a box:Speaking of hands, here’s a new card:

January 13, 2013