• Minnehahahahahahahaha Creek

    “What street is this??” I yelled up to the boy watching us float past him. He told me that we were just about to enter the Ninth Circle of Hell.

    PHEW! Almost done!

    Three hours to travel 2.5 miles… Could we have walked faster than the creek carried us? Oh, THAT’S the point my kids were making when they got out of their tubes and dragged them the last four blocks! Oh, kids! So subtle!

    I didn’t get a photograph of them on our adventure, BUT a giant spider landed on my belly! AND who needs a picture of all three when one of them modeled for the company that made our tubes?

    river run tube w dylans head.2(Grip those handles! Safety first, Dylan!)

    I only thought the creek-pollution caused blindness one time and I only lost my sunglasses one time — I’d call that a win!

    Here’s a card, maybe inspired by laughter-induced bladder incontinence. MAYBE NOT.

    LIFE spare underpants

    August 11, 2016
  • Roadhouse and Tea Towels and Poop Sandwiches

    My life is one big Sexy Action Thriller. And being a bouncer at the Double Deuce in Missouri when I was only ten years old was pretty intense. Sure, I had great hair and sure I had a winning smile, and sure I always made breaking up bar fights and drinking black coffee look sexy. That’s just who I am.

    FLAT.Fifth Grade Fran in front of the Double Deuce Roadhouse

    Truth is, practicing tai chi in your brother’s sweatpants and running a letterpress design studio with cards SOLD AROUND THE WORLD, takes discipline and dedication.

    Live Wires, our New Zealand distributor, knows this and sent us a token of appreciation.

    live wires tea towel

    I think they’re supposed to be for tea but I already used mine for sopping up blood from a letterpress-related (packing tape dispenser) injury. Thanks Helen Harvey!

    After I bandaged my wound, I made this:

    sorry poop sandwich

    July 31, 2016
  • As The World Turns

    My little sister had baby #2 last week, she gave birth at home but, strangely, didn’t ask me to participate.

    Despite my lack of presence, the birth went off without a hitch because anyone can boil water and get towels. (SORRY MOM.)

    I will give her this card the next time I break in to her house:

    I NEED ALL THE ATTENTIONALSO, I made this because I am so into politics:black white pirateSo, you don’t need to watch the news tonight. You’re welcome.

    July 21, 2016
  • I Dreamed a Dream

    Dinah told me about her crazy dream!

    She said we left her for two weeks with Tib and Jen so we could go to Cape Cod, and she had a fever and hair-balls. She said it was actually more like a nightmare — poor thing!

    I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her nightmare was real… that we did leave her for two weeks with Tib and Jen.

    But she isn’t alone. When she reads the blog, she’ll find out about our scary flight home. The airline warned us, but people just do whatever they want.DO NOT USE - allThe other passengers made calls on their flip-phones, watched who-knows-what on portable televisions, drove their remote-controlled cars up and down the aisle, talked to each other on walkie-talkies, and blasted music on transistor radios! Meanwhile we, The Law-Abiding, were stuck in the teeny-tiny bathroom, forced to take hysterical selfies.FRAN SCARED PLANE look at doorBUT, we managed to land safely, no thanks to all of that recklessness. I will NOT be giving them my latest Thank You Card.grass see ass

    July 13, 2016
  • 02630

    Cape Cod 2016 is (so far) drama AND cage-free. Wait, we did lose one member of the party searching for the water shut-off valve in the cellar.

    Cellar doorBen in cellar

    He was brave and will be missed.

    More importantly, we never found that shut-off valve! One life wasted.

    But we must carry on, he would have wanted it that way.Rocky and ApolloThe very next day was filled with so much splashing and laughter and sunscreen, I’m sure Ben was looking down on us and giggling! Oh, how he’d giggle!Edmund and Steve MarconiAND here’s a little thing from The Boston Globe about Millennials’ loving PAPER greeting cards. DUH.

    July 1, 2016
  • Mystery Solving and Scapegoating and Huge Fans

    This isn’t the first time I blamed The Cats for a crime they didn’t commit.

    Nor will it be the last. tib mugshotThe odor of rotten animal is unforgettable and like the odor of rotting potato, it is embedded in the brain. But sometimes the brain jumbles the smell of decomposing rodent with the smell of a blanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can.

    And that is where my story begins…

    The Summer Breeze gently wafted through the upstairs windows. It was pleasant, until an occasional repulsive odor stung my nostrils. I blamed The Cats for hunting, killing, and hiding their prey somewhere on my second floor.

    But a search for a body was in vain and a garbage can investigation led me to the real suspect: that damn blanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can!

    Mea culpa, Tib!  When will I ever trust you again??

    Speaking of breezes (and puns??)… Here’s a new thank you/congratulations card.really big fan

    June 18, 2016
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  • The mysterious mating practice of the praying mantis, AND YOU!

    Ah, romance! One couple might choose dinner and a movie… Another couple might choose post-coital cannibalism.

    February 15, 2013
  • Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

    Who’s the fairest one of all?

    There is SO much happening around here! First, I had to bait a squirrel trapsquirrel-trapto catch the Kitchen-Squirrel. I was going to fill the trap with my kitchen garbage (her favorite) but I decided to go for something more bourgeois: Skippy Peanut Butter.

    And then there was a serious decision to make: Which card would Paper Source like more?somisunderstoodsup-dawg-betterI hope we chose wisely because one of our lives (Jen’s) is on the line.

    Oh, and I didn’t forget that it is Valentine’s Day today, I am very romantic. Here is proof:hello-lover-blue

    February 14, 2013
  • Meat Suits And Building A Fan Base

    For Immediate Release: In an attempt to build the Zeichen Press Fan Base, Jen Shea and Fran Shea will appear on a local cable-access show locked in a cell and covered in Fancy Feast™. 1,000 cats will be released into the cell through a small hatch. Fran and Jen will sing a medley of famous duets, including Islands In the Stream, Endless Love, and You Don’t Bring Me Flowers.

    ###being-a-sheep-2

    February 10, 2013
  • Inspiration Constipation Frustration

    I’ve been told that life is full of challenges. And I’m sure that, someday, I’ll encounter one. I hope it’s not a shipwreck or banishment. …I will probably contract the Ebola Virus. I designed a card for myself in preparation.organs-turn-to-gravy

    Oh, but here’s a more “buyable” card for those of us that need encouragement:battling-my-illness

    February 5, 2013
  • HIGH FIVE!

    In the belly of the Good Ship Whistlesnot sat two strangers — one called Captain Fatchtinkle and the other, Timtim Lipskin.

    They chatted like two gentlemen between rounds of whiskey-pong and Password and it wasn’t long before discovering they shared a passion for shuffleboard.

    A friendship was born!

    (To be continued…)high-fivers-better-more-face

    February 2, 2013
  • Understanding Your Target Demographic

    Hello.

    My name is Pevenshire Wiffynuts and I’m here today to talk about targeting your demographic. Whether you are marketing adult diapers, cowboy hats, or cemetery plots, it is critical that you understand your audience. That may mean that you have to poop in your pants, herd cows, or bury a loved one.

    Don’t be afraid to do these things — they will help you effectively move product and change lives. 

    Wow! Thanks, Pevenshire.

    I hear what you’re saying — I ripped off my mom-mask to reveal the face of an eight-year-old-boy so I could create this birthday card:you-look-like-a-monkey

    January 29, 2013
  • Fairy Tales And True Tales

    The poor peasant said it best, “even if we had only one and it were quite small, and only as big as a thumb, I should be quite satisfied, and we would still love it with all our hearts.”

    If Fairy Tales were true, hedgehogs would speak and donkeys would spew gold. And poor old peasants could wish and receive tiny children.

    I wrote a Fairy Tale about an old childless couple and a duck. Inspired by true events. In the story, there is a duck, a baby, and an angry mob.

    But I’ve said too much!

    I’ll get that published someday but MEANWHILE here is a card for the new parent — it features a disgruntled chick.phew-you-arrived-chick

    January 28, 2013
  • Have You Seen This Baby?

    I’ve nursed a few babies in my day and that makes me an expert on sacrifice.

    It does.

    Or is it laziness? Making a bottle seemed like so much work! …Get out of my cozy bed, walk all the way to the kitchen, measure and pour powdered formula into a bottle, warm water in pan on stove, add water to bottle, test temperature

    OR

    lift up my shirt.

    Anyway, I made a card for the new mother:wanted-have-you-seen-this-baby-sage

    January 25, 2013
  • General Sherman’s Men Are Praying For You

    Isn’t that a comforting thought?

    If I had a tumor, I’d want a group of strangers to pray it away.

    Less messy than surgery.

    Also, if I could train a field-full of meerkats to pray for me, I would.meerkatsThat would be adorable.

    Thanks (or no thanks) to Facebook, phrases that were once packed with meaning, are like a watered-down drink: You are in our prayers… We are all praying for you…

    These, followed by a frowny-face 🙁 are now much more common than a hand-written note.

    🙁 x 1,000!

    Someday we’ll create Encouragement Cards for the most grievous of events (will we??) but how about those events that still deserve more than a Facebook comment? How about: sewage backups, low-risk operations, stomach flus, power-outtages, lost dogs, lost luggage, car-jackings, rat-infestations, or hauntings?

    Not quite tragic but still entitled to a show of support. A card like this (IN THE MAILBOX) would cheer a person up posthaste:we-are-all-praying-for-you

    January 16, 2013
  • Hands-Free Forever

    It was time for The Sign Of Peace, and as all members of the congregation turned to offer their hand for a firm shaking, I slowly let my sleeve swallow my hand.

    With a forlorn look and one missing hand, I imagined the gasps of concern for my deformity. I turned to the family in the pew behind me — they would wonder if I was born crippled or if my hand had been lost in a bloody accident. I was eager to extend my handless arm, my face already prepared and appropriately pitiful.

    Oh, but why do parents have to crush their children’s fantasies?

    And here’s another story about hands:

    I took woodshop in highschool.

    I did. I was the only girl. The room was filled with dangerous power-tools and I secretly hoped for the “automatic A” decribed by the teacher: ”If a student is dumb enough to sever a finger or an entire hand, they will receive an automatic A.” 

    Unfortunately, I successfully made a box:wooden boxhow-am-i-supposed-to-textSpeaking of hands, here’s a new card:

    January 13, 2013
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