• A Pigeon in My Flashing (and Other Bedtime Stories)

    When Nature and Civilization collide it sounds just like stirring twelve tin cans in the bathtub with a golf club. This sound, combined with another sound—the sound of a pair of teeny-tiny hands strangling a pigeon.

    I laid in bed for 1…2…3…4…5 hours and listened to, what I concluded was, a pigeon trapped behind the flashing on my house.help-me-pigeon

    A squirrel met its maker (Bruce Hornsby) that same way last Summer. But not before it spent several days running itself to death. Was the pigeon luckier? It shivered in the cold until shortly before dawn. Like the Little Match Girl, it shivered to death, clutching a clawful of burnt matches.

    We have a client that needs graphics for its trucks so while I listened to the pathetic cries of the dying pigeon, I thought about that.

    It was a productive night.

    January 14, 2012
  • OMGUR4T

    A surprise birthday party is 1,000% more fun than a regular birthday party. The planners plan for weeks – sending out secret invitations:becky-invite-w-envelope-10x10

    Unearthing senior photos to print on drink coasters:becky-coaster

    And finally the moment arrives!

    January 9, 2012
  • In January It’s So Nice

    Hello, January. I hate you. Not as much as February, but I still hate you. I tell my children that you are full of fun and possibilities but I am lying.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NOJIYe6qoI

    Perhaps this card captures my true feelings:what-fresh-hell

    January 7, 2012
  • Tribulation Consolation

    Sometimes (not very often) I find myself at a loss for words. Speechless. Struck dumb by powerful emotion. “I’m stunned. I mean, I’m in a state of… somebody should just throw a blanket over me, you know?” – Woody Allen (Manhattan)

    Sometimes an empathy card is better than a sympathy card.

    Sometimes a bear playing violin says it all.there-are-no-words

    January 1, 2012
  • Taking (A Fearless Moral) Inventory

    Jen told me that she is learning to master Quickbooks. I trust her.jen-puzzle

    I bet that the Quickbooks tutorial requires puzzle completion before you really get into the meat of the application—just to make sure the user is nimble-minded.

    The New Year is upon us and to celebrate I stood on a chair, my head surrounded by asbestos wrapped pipes, and counted envelopes.fran-counting-inventoryJen said this was called taking inventory and while I am familiar with this as a spiritual concept, with a priest and confessional handy, I was easily distracted because the priest and confessional were replaced by the dog and a bin of Bazooka bubble gum.one-dog-named-milliebazooka-binThese items were not on Jen’s listjen-inventory-listbut I think that was a potentially expensive oversight. Just to be on the safe side, I counted one dog named Millie and 34 pieces of Bazooka.

    You’re welcome, Jen. 

    December 31, 2011
  • Fortune Teller, Tell My Fortune

    Winter has been creeping in like a gas leak and I am always pleasantly surprised to find myself awake in the morning. It would not take long for the madness of Winter to descend upon the little house. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.

    “That’s nice.” I say, as I stretch and crawl off my sofa-bed. Never one to miss nuance, I wonder why I’m not in my own bed.

    Good design sometimes requires getting into character – I’ve been dressing like a gypsy (not showering) for our latest Tanek project. A paper fortune teller is easier to mail than a crystal ball and some might argue – more accurate. Tanek will send 300 of these out to their dearest friends – I only hope they take the responsibility of predicting the future seriously:

    fortune-teller-1fortune-teller-5 fortune-teller-2 fortune-teller-3 fortune-teller-4  fortune-teller-6

    December 21, 2011
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  • Decisions, Decisions

    Should I shower today or plan a fictional vacation?

    Should I take down the Christmas tree or pet the cat?

    Life is so challenging.

    Decision du jour: Which card is funnier??

    A)you-arent-so-special-girlsB)you-arent-so-specialI have fictional vacations to plan and cats to pet — help me move on with my day.

    January 7, 2013
  • Cuttlefish Tentacles And Giraffe Heads

    Why hide your abnormality under a dingy flannel sack? Love suffers enough in this disposable culture and I will not be a lemming — I will stand up for the odd, the fractured, the misfit, the offbeat, the freaks. I will stand up and say, I embrace the grotesque!

    As long as they don’t smell like urine.

    I can handle just about any disfigurement — emotional or physical — that sits next to me on the bus, but my achilles heel in my mad-dash for sainthood, is my keen sense of smell.

    Damn my olfactory perception.

    I don’t think John Merrickelephant-man

    smelled like urine, so we would probably have been great friends.

    I made two new cards that celebrate this subject. Feel free to give them to the person in your life that needs to know they’re special.

    If you have someone in your life that smells like urine, they would probably appreciate this card very much.

    Congratulations, future St. Blankblank.he-loved-everything-abot-hershe-loved-everything-about-him

    January 5, 2013
  • Zeichen Press vs. 2012

    **Spoiler Alert** Zeichen Press triumphed over Twenty-Twelve.

    At times, the year was a nail-biter: will 2012 take it’s boot off of Zeichen Press’s face?… Will 2012 stop hitting Zeichen Press with a folding chair?… Yes and YES.

    And as Zeichen Press says adieu to this Year Of Pestilence, Zeichen Press welcomes Twenty-Thirteen — welcomes it the way a mother welcomes the news of another pregnancy. The gift of amnesia is powerful and we are grateful for it. new years resolutionI’m wrapping up the year, as usual, in Brainerd, Minnesota. The temperature is hovering around a balmy 0° and as the supplies dwindle to beer and bacon, we are considering sending the children to town for chocolate and dvd’s. And medical marijuana.

    Stay tuned…

    December 31, 2012
  • A Christmas Miracle

    I welcome the extra-ordinary. In fact, I am hyper-vigilant and ever-watchful for signs of miraculous happenings.

    I ate two pounds of filet mignon on Christmas Eve and I’m pretty sure that was a miracle. It felt like a miracle — béarnaise sauce drizzled over huge hunks of very rare cow flesh doesn’t happen every day.christmas-eve-miracle-filetI love Christmas Miracles, they are the most powerful kind of miracle — A change of heart is better than filet mignon and antlers growing out of a dog’s head is, perhaps, the most miraculous of all.

    Jen did say I couldn’t make any more Christmas cards but I squeezed this one past her because she is a sucker for dogs and because I threw her computer in a snowbank.a-christmas-miracle

    December 28, 2012
  • Lousy Old Lovers & Limp Old Limbs

    It’s almost January and you know what that means: It’s time to wash my Smart Wool socks. And celebrate Christmas.

    Jen told me I can’t write anymore Christmas or Chanukah cards. After I egged her face, I wrote a Get Well card:change-positive-paper-voodoo

    December 23, 2012
  • Diversionary Tactics

    The Christmas Tree lot shack doubled as a meth-lab and while I admire ingenuity and entrepreneurship, I like my Holiday Traditions to be more “cozy-by-the-fire” and less “mix-up-a-batch-in-the-tub.”

    BUT THAT’S JUST ME.

    The “lot” contained exactly eight trees but due to a Christmas Miracle, we found the perfect tree!

    christmas-tree-2012

    We only had to retie the tree back onto the car once. To be fair, cooking meth doesn’t really prepare a person for handling Christmas Trees.

    My Jewish friends don’t have these stories and this saddens me, so I made them a card:chappy-chanukah

    December 17, 2012
  • No-Coast And Beyond

    The No-Coast Craft-O-Rama was a success!

    I think it might be because Jen and I were wearing our new uniforms. jen-and-fran-star-trekIt’s hard to know — but marketing is SO important these days and we really do our best to be, as the kids say, cutting edge.

    After the show, we packed our uniforms in bubble-wrap, sat by a roaring fire, and watched the snow fall.

    And fall.

    And fall.snow-backyard-2012That inspired a Chanukah card!

    This goes out to my Jewish brothers and sisters:funky-beat

    December 11, 2012
  • Behold, I bring you Good Tidings Of Great Joy!

    And like the Canadian Goose, she stayed. She stayed and embraced the cold, using her derriére to warm the waters of her pond.

    And by derriére, I mean “bottom” and by waters of her pond, I mean “the Midtown Market.”

    What?!

    It’s time for the No-Coast Craft-o-Rama! TOMORROW (Friday, December 7 AND Saturday, December 8)!!

    Here’s what I’ve done to get ready: firewoodThat’s a full cord of wood that I ordered.

    AND I made this card:face-melting-holiday-joy-betterJen did everything else.

    See you tomorrow!

    xo,

    Fran

    December 6, 2012
  • Umfa-Umfa and Itchy-Scratchy

    A long, long time ago, when men roamed the wild, with sharp spears and heavy stones, a discovery was made: A charred nub-of-a-stick was scraped against the wall to create a picture, a representation of reality — why? 

    The need to communicate visually is unique to humans (and some elephants).elephant painting elephantI wish I had a trunk.

    Here’s what I need to communicate visually:

    ugh.cave manugh.vomit

    December 2, 2012
  • She Wore A Small Christmas Tree On Her Head

    Secured to her bonnet with picture wire, butcher’s twine, and Christmas Spirit (egg-nog). That spruce-top sat atop her head for the entire season of Advent.

    She knew that it offset her dour expression — an expression she couldn’t redesign. Oh, but the tiny tree brought delight to all she passed!

    For those blissful weeks, nobody seemed to notice her stern glower, her face — twisted into the judgmental scowl went unnoticed. She imagined wearing other elaborate fancies on her head — but for now, this would do:tree-hat-lady-new

    November 28, 2012
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