Zeichen Press – Page 26 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Craftstravaganza Review/Doppelganger Evidence

The day began with a single, tissue-wrapped banana-lovingly prepared by the�May Day Cafe.

It’s all about the details.

From there it was a regular thrill-ride down 35W. Sometimes when Jen drives, I close my eyes and scream The Lord’s Prayer. Jen tries to shut me up by stuffing buttermilk scones in my mouth. I do a lot of praying when Jen’s around.�Dear God, please help me not to crush Jen’s toes with a case full of lead type.

The Craftstravaganza was more fun than usual. Everything is more fun with darts. We sold lots of�stuff, here’s Jen practicing her smile:

After I took this photo, I backed into Pevenshire Wiffynuts.

Needless to say, my mind was blown. With barely a moment to recover, Two Bald Men came to our table. I fainted and hit my head. To wake me up, Jen threw a cup of hot coffee at my face. She should be a nurse.

May 3, 2009
Oh, sweet affirmation!

Jennifer Sbranti IS the Hostess With The Mostess.

That’s a fact. If I lived in San Diego I would crash her parties, she would be like, “WHAT?! YOU again? Take off that wig and crawl back under the gate.” She wrote a little something about Zeichen Press on her blog today. To thank her, I am writing a book entitled, 1001 Ways to thank Jennifer Sbranti.

Is that weird?

May 1, 2009
Celine Dion at the Craftstravaganza!!!

I’m totally kidding. Wouldn’t that be awesome though? I was picturing her at Bergan’s Grocery Store this morning… standing with her microphone – �between the Rug Doctor Rentals and the helium balloons… Singing like it’s a Saturday Night in Vegas. Oh, Celine! Shopping would be a pleasure with your angelic voice wafting through the air, mingling with deli-smells – My heart would go on.

The Craftstravaganza?�Right. We will be there with 55 of our closest crafting friends. When I say, “crafting”�don’t think about toilet paper cozies, kleenex box cozies, toaster cozies, and toilet brush cozies. Don’t. I’m not judging the ladies that make things cozy, I’m just wondering why everything needs to be so cozy. Okay, DO think about hand-made goods. GOODS. I’d even call them hand-made greats. See how I am? See how I roll? You know it.

Going to the State Fair Grounds off-season is like bumping into your teacher at your dentist’s office. What the hell are YOU doing here?! You’re not supposed to leave school! Your teeth aren’t real!!

See you on Saturday my Best Beloved. Bring your wallet. And your mom.

April 25, 2009
Creek-Bike & Room & Board

The ice on the creek melted and it was time, again, for the Creek-Garbage-Opener! Our tackle box contained exactly two things: a giant hook (the Kitchen-Aid-bread-dough-attachment) and 50 feet of obsolete ethernet cable. �The catch-of-the-day was larger than usual and after �a nail-biting struggle, this was pulled �out:

It smells like death but it’s ours.�

What does any of this have to do with Room & Board?

Ugh. It’s so obvious.�

So anyway, we gave our prints to Room and Board and we’re waiting to hear what the President & Vice President think. Personally, I don’t think they really needed to take it to that level. Obama is a busy fellow. Here are a couple things they liked:

April 17, 2009
Must…write…more…cards………………

There seems to be something gnawing on the chicken-bone of my subconscious.�Not just gnawing, but dipping it in creamy, blu-cheese dressing and sucking on it.

Thank goodness for the�wet-nap, or whatever is doing the gnawing would contaminate the rest of my psyche. I like my non-physical parts to be separate. Like a melamine hot-lunch tray. Everything stays within it’s little-walled-area and nobody gets fussy.

Unfortunately, or maybe not, there does seem to be some breach in the Dreaming ~ Day Dreaming compartments. Sandbagging might help. Or a thick, mashed-potato partition – the mashed potatoes finally living up to their destiny.

Great writers are great ruminators but great ruminators are not necessarily great writers. I think that’s what I’m talking about. Or was I talking about my days in the cafeteria? Ah, the cafeteria…“Lunch Lady? Would you mind being careful to keep the gravy in its… No? Yes, you’re right. It all ends up in the same place…”��In the toilet. Which is, of course, a metaphor. That’s what happens when you give children mixed-messages.

So, anyway. I have a growing collection of�printer’s cuts�and for some reason I feel compelled to give each of them something to say. I realize that the�New Yorker’s�Caption Contest�is eerily similar to what I do. Except I always win. That’s the nice thing about owning the company.�Thatand the hugs I get from complete strangers. Why do strangers hug me? They might be trying to squeeze the life out of me. I’m not sure. They tell me not to resist – I’m always like,�”Resist? Resist what? Who am I to stifle this bizarre act of love?”

Where was I? … Right. A line I wrote for a lonely cut:

PSSST,

are you coming to my funeral?

April 11, 2009
Franimals: A-Z!!

Should a grown woman spend the day in bed drawing animals?

No? What if the animals are super-cute and made entirely of her favorite font? What if the woman was very ill, clinging to life by a bed-thread? What if… what if… oh, what if… oh, my bed-sores… Without further ado, Franimals:

A-J Franimals were originally designed for Room & Board. Sadly, they were overlooked. Apparently kids today aren’t interested in “animals” or “alphabets” That’s not Room & Board’s fault. Or…is…it?

ANYWAY,�I love Room & Board. Sometimes I break into their showroom and rehearse scenes from Failure to Launch starring Mr. Matthew McConaughey.

Matthew! Your mischievous smile… your love for Mother Earth… your shirtless-ness…

What am I talking about? Oh, yes. My fever. It’s very high and I wouldn’t turn down a copy of Erin Brockovich and some German Spaetzel.

April 9, 2009

Nightmare/Retreat

I’ve been told that it’s important to take a break � get in the car, hop on a plane, inject yourself with propofol � whatever it takes. I love free advice � remember when everyone told me to get my cat fixed? She�did�die but I hate dwelling on details.

Anyway, I decided to take that break…

Step one was important and involved shaving the dog.

This took about two hours because she insists on wearing the wig.

Step two involved tuna-salad.�That’s self-explanatory.

And step three was spent poring over maps. This step was critical because, for some reason, I would be the person driving the car.�“WHAT?!”�you say. And rightly so.

Yes, for two and a half hours, my passengers/prisoners sat with clenched jaws, praying for safe passage or a quick, painless death.

Praise the Lord, prayers were answered, tuna salad was consumed, ticks were pulled, and screens were repaired.

It was only 24 hours, but it felt longer. If someone you love is diagnosed with a terminal illness and wants to make their life feel like it’s dragging on and on, send them to a place without flushing toilets � a place where you are forced to haul your own water to pour into the toilet bowl so the toilet will (magically) flush.

The drive home was terrifying and I gripped the steering wheel like a scrap of wood floating by a freshly wrecked ship. If the other drivers on 35W only knew my fear, they would have given me my own lane and maybe a police escort.

June 14, 2012
Free-Range Franimals

Off-key Christmas carols float dreamily through the Summer air, the ice-cream truck trolls for kids using low-fi audio technology. Water-balloons are filled, teams are picked (bubble gum, bubble gum, in a dish, how many pieces do you wish?) but distractions are everywhere and soon talk turns from who is on which team to pretend lands filled with orphaned children. Poor, parentless children, left to cobble together meals from mint leaves and wild rhubarb.

Summertime, and the children and animals are off-leash � days are filled with sprinklers, wet bathing suits, hot dogs burned on the grill, and day dreaming.

Here’s a new card:

June 9, 2012
Freaktastic.

They were born not as two, but one. Cut from the belly of a woman who was hardly human. Her womb, an experimental lab � a petri dish, an incubator of life not fit for earthly habitation. But life, still.�

Strange!

No, not strange:

June 5, 2012
Gratitude & Regret

Like�Bread & Pickle�(LOVE their lattes) but it serves turkey chowder in an air-sickness bag.�

Life is full of gratitude and regret. Both should be acknowledged.�Hopefully via a Zeichen Press card.�I am sure that if we all thoroughly examined our consciences, we would discover a whole room of regret. That room would be furnished with a urine-stained futon, a musty trunk, and an ash tray.�That’s sad!

CONVERSELY, the gratitude room is full of Daylilies and cookie jars.

Here are some cards for both occasions:�And don’t act like you don’t need both cards.

We still love you.

June 1, 2012
Speaking of Snakes

There was a pet store in my neighborhood�(Petcetera)�that had all kinds of fascinating creatures. The best creature was a full-size (5 feet, from snout to tip of tail) alligator in a steel tub. The tub had a makeshift screen cover so that the alligator couldn’t escape.

A screen cover.�

So the ALLIGATOR couldn’t escape.

I think it was drugged anyway � it just laid there, blinking it’s beautiful eyes.

Of course there were snakes, and I don’t know much about snakes, but what I�do�know is pretty scientifically accurate.�When snakes speak, they drag out their s’s.�They’re usually pretty shy but if you give one a frozen mouse they are your friend for at least 5 seconds.

May 30, 2012
Wanted: Design Pimp

It was a fat PVC pipe, coated in Crisco, pitched at a 25� angle and suspended over a pit filled with filthy water. A $5 bill was clipped to the high end and my job was to shimmy my way to it.�(Why am I always shimmying poles?)�With my glasses pushed tight to my face, my stringy blonde hair moved back and forth as I slid myself toward my goal. I wore my lucky shorts � Granny Smith green with pink piping � and “my 4th of July” shirt � red and blue striped off-brand Izod.

A crowd gathered.

I wanted that $5 and the glory that came with it. With that $5, I could buy enough candy to satisfy my aching sweet tooth and with that glory came a lifetime of bragging rights.�“The greased pole in the Hollow in Barnstable? Yeah, I did that.”

I entered a competition today. This one does not involve poles, pits, or Crisco. It does involve money and Jen and I have both agreed that we will do (almost) anything for money.

Uncommon Goods�invited us to submit designs for an iPhone case and after slathering myself in Crisco, I submitted some designs. I know you’ve�seen these before. I’m really into recycling.

May 26, 2012
Hang Your Skirt On The Flagpole Day

I know that Native Americans can anticipate the change of seasons by paying close attention to the subtle signs in nature.�I’ve been doing that too.�

Sign number one was seeing a rat splattered on the street in front of my house. When the rats crawl out of the sewers it means we are in for a serious drought. Or that I need to move.

Sign number two was seeing a man peeing on the side of my garage. When a man pees on the side of your garage it means that I need to move.

Okay, the school year is fizzling out like a dud of a firecracker and that’s good because I’ve seen those mangled hands and it is difficult to fill in those little SAT bubbles with a nub-hand.

Once Upon A Time,�I made the difficult transition from Catholic Grade School to Catholic High School � this meant going from blue and green plaid skirts to brown and gray plaid skirts. THIS meant that I�had to�inch my way up the school’s flagpole and fly my skirt like a flag.

Just like Hayley Mills (in�The Trouble With Angels!) sans cigarette.

It’s not too late to send your favorite graduate from the Class of 2012 a Zeichen Press card stuffed with money!� (You’re welcome, graduates.)

May 23, 2012
Heavy Metal Type

One fully loaded�California Job Case�weighs as much as I do and�I have spent the week proving this.

We are in the process of rearranging the shop and I am in the process of atoning for my sins via physical labor ��my hair shirt is at the cleaners and flip-flops don’t hold small rocks like Uggs.

Here’s how it works: I carefully slide one 100 lb case out of the cabinet�and onto the floor.

And then I do that, like, 60 more times.

If I realize there is a case of type I need on the bottom of the pile, I simply pick up each and every case on top of that case and create�another�pile on the floor.

At some point, intern(s) get involved.Their apprenticeship is very old-school: They sort type/hate me. That’s how they used to do it in the good ol’ days, I’m just trying to keep tradition alive.

They’ll thank me later.

May 18, 2012
Happy Mother’s Day! -AND- Some Other Tidbits

The Craftstravaganza is o-v-e-r. And in case you missed it, Jen gave a stirring performance as Janet Jackson circa 1989 – here’s a photo I took at the event,�right before she threw down her cardboard and got totally into it.�

That was really something.

Also, and I don’t know why, I made this card after the show:Happy Mother’s Day, all you mothers!!

May 13, 2012
Craftstravaganza 2012 + Mother’s Day 2012 = Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo

Jen has already packed up her cardboard for our big breakdancing number � that is our “workshop” for the Craftstravaganza on Saturday at the MN State Fairgrounds.

I sewed costumes (Jen will be dressed as Janet Jackson : Rhythm Nation 1814 and I will be a butterfly). Other workshops include weavers weaving, making t-shirt necklaces, food jewelry, and yarn bombing.�The yarn bombing sounds dangerous.

There will be�nearly 150 vendors, so if you can’t find a Mother’s Day gift on Saturday, I can only assume you hate your mom.

May 10, 2012