Zeichen Press – Page 27 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Wherein the dog wears a wig for Room and Board and Jen pies type

Yes, well… As you can see, the dog was ready to meet with Room and Board today. We fought over the wig but there’s just no talking to her. I don’t even think the wig looks that great �- her fur is a totally different color.

Whenever Room and Board stops out to visit, Jen dumps a case of type onto another case of type. I think it’s a waste of time but Jen loves wasting time – I have to be like,�“Jen, quit wasting time.”

Oh, well – the meeting went great (I think they think we’re strange. Maybe the wig�was�too much??) They told us to make some more�alphabet press-type prints.

That’s what they call those. I call them tickets to Cape Cod but that’s none of your business.

May 12, 2010
What DOESN’T a “Long Men’s Wig” have to do with letterpress?

The creepy severed head would not discourage us from our very important purchase.�The wig�will play a small, but pivotal, role in our upcoming film (tentatively titled,�Your CPR Hurts My Chest).

May 8, 2010
(Edina) Minnesota! Where the Booze Drips Freely From the Trees

Right? We met with half of the�“Jelly Shot Test Kitchen”�AND if you don’t know what I’m talking about -�you soon will.�These Edina�ladies (why did I italicize that?)�answered a pretty serious question:�“What would a jell-o shot look like if it grew up?”�

Here’s the answer:

A Jelly Shot Test Kitchen “cookbook” (cookbook?) is in the works and they have come to Zeichen Press to help create some buzz. I wonder if it’s because�they caught wind of our professionalism.�Probably.

May 6, 2010
Craft+Extravaganza=Craftstravaganza

Does Geek+Spectacular=Geektacular? I was never good at math but I DO know that the State Fairgrounds are going to be�wall-to-wall geeks tomorrow. Jen and I will be there handing out love-letters and hugs to all of our loyal customers.

We went there tonight to set up. This baby has been following Jen around for, like, two years:

May 1, 2010
OH, I get it! PR is like stalking!

Creative, elaborate, polite (but persistent) stalking! Nothing against the�creative�stalkers out there. You know who you are.�Please don’t start re-stalking me.

I sent out the press package for Tanek today, it contained everything but a pan of brownies and a lock of my hair.

I hope�Neal St. Anthony�likes kittens.

Did I hand set that type?

Yes.

April 29, 2010
email is so 2009

I love getting a letter in the mail – and getting a package in the mail is like finding money under your pillow. Or discovering a coin in a freshly gutted fish.

Reading�my�email goes like this:�delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, �delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete… oh, that’s important… delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete.�

As you know,�Zeichen Press is handling all things that fall into the realm of communications for�Tanek Inc.�This job is usually less messy than gutting a fish but just as satisfying. Contacting reporters is part of the job and we realized that doing so via email might just be a little bit like whispering to your date across a crowded room. Not that we have dates. Or are ever invited to rooms that are crowded.

Here is the first part of a press package going out to local reporters. (Neal St. Anthony, you lucky devil!)

(Here’s a story:�Ken Piper�of Tanek was the head designer for the brand-new KMOJ station in North Minneapolis. That’s right: North Minneapolis. Watch out, South Minneapolis – the Northside is picking up steam!)

April 26, 2010

J’Accuse!

My mind wandered as I listened to the Second Reading.�I wondered if I could get my hands on a chocolate milk for lunch. I watched the third graders fidget. I planned my fishing-themed diorama. …Children, let us love not in word or speech but in deed and truth…�I figured out what the initials TGIF stood for � oh, that makes sense! …I felt something crawl up my uniform blouse.�

I felt something crawl up my uniform blouse!�Or did I?�The question went unanswered because, like Abraham Lincoln in the balcony of Ford’s Theater, I’d been shot. Most likely, an assassination plot carried out by those boys that dumped Mountain Dew on my head last week.�Oh, the pain!�I signaled my teacher and was escorted to the nurses office by a girl that needed a hero badge to add to her girl scout sash.

The nurses office was familiar to me. Homesickness was an ailment I suffered from semi-regularly.

When I staggered through the door, the nurse stopped her mimeographing and looked at me. I pointed to my gunshot wound � nearish my right armpit but closer to a more embarrassing region. She lifted up my blouse. I stared at the poster on the wall.

Yes, kitten. I�will�hang in there.

It turned out not to be a bullet lodged in my ribcage, but a bee sting.

In honor of that important event, I created my own�Hang in There!�card. Do not accuse me of ripping off the original, it is an homage. An HOMAGE.

May 7, 2012
Carpe Matris Diem!

I think that means�Seize Mother’s Day.�But maybe not – I am really only fluent in Pig-Latin.

As far as I know, we all have mothers. I don’t think Science has done away with that yet. And I’m going to boldly state that the majority of readers of the�Is That Funny�blog love their mothers.�Why?�My research shows that people who�$*#%-ing love Zeichen Press�also $*#%-ing love their mothers.�My research involved a picture-day slideshow and ham salad sandwiches. Also, $50 bills stuffed in a pi�ata. It was unorthodox but revealing.

You still have time to order a�Mother’s Day card�(and a card for your Mother-In-Law, dear God, DO NOT FORGET HER) from�the shop! We will ship it to you so you have time to send (or give) it to mom.

But, don’t let me tell you what to do. I mean, if you don’t want to celebrate your mom (OR mother-in-law!) on this one day of the year, that’s your decision. I’m sure she won’t be hurt at all. It will never be brought up again.

May 4, 2012
Once Upon A Time

Once Upon A Time,�there lived a woman who tried and tried to cram a live chicken into a cooking pot. The chicken would not oblige and finally the woman had to accept the notion that live chickens will never submit to such unnatural behavior.�Rather than chop off the chicken’s head, they became companions and live in an abandoned mine shaft.�The End

I have dozens of stories like that, just waiting to be published. That reminds me:�I was trying really, really hard to write a Father’s Day card. This is what I came up with:

May 1, 2012
Copyright Compliance

At brunch, George Lucas asked me to write a Father’s Day card that suggests a theme from the�Star Wars Trilogy�but warned me not to use any of the�Star Wars�imagery.�It was a strange request but I accepted the challenge and after tossing back our mimosas, we arm-wrestled and I made this:

April 28, 2012
Spanking Machine

A strange custom:

One child crawls through a tunnel made of other children � the crawling child is spanked on the bottom by each participant. The spankers laugh hysterically.

The concept of automated and industrial scale corporal punishment originated in 19th century Russia.

It’s true!

I’ll spare you the details. Let’s just say that the concept has evolved from judicial whipping of peasants to tunnels of birthday abuse for today’s schoolchildren.

A good friend of mine turned XX (not Roman numerals) and she has such fond memories of the Spanking Machine!

I made her a card:

April 24, 2012
Yoohoo! Alexis Stewart!

I’m over here! No… HERE! The one waving her arms and jumping up and down! …The one wearing the poncho and helmet!�

She must not see me.

She�did�mention Zeichen Press�on her blog.�And�she did buy cards from our�online shop. I thought that meant she wanted to hang out and talk about black bean chili with butternut squash and swiss chard?

You can totally call me, Alexis!

April 18, 2012
Six Lives Left and the Fifth Commandment

Judy was tired of being stuck upstairs. She longed for the streets. She longed for adventure.�She longed for danger.

Day after day, trapped by that drooling, excitable houseguest. It was just too much. She had only one choice: jump off the balcony.�Thank goodness the deck broke her fall. This wasn’t the first time she threw caution to the wind. It was, in fact, the third. Words are unnecessary when there is photographic evidence of this nature (if you are squeamish, scroll no more):

That’s what a tail looks like when all of the nice stuff has been ripped off of it. Or, as the vet told me,�“degloved.”�We can’t imagine what she did in the cat world to deserve that treatment.

Just when we stopped crying ourselves to sleep, she came home looking like a BP oil spill casualty.Meow!

Poor Judy, only six lives left.�Use them wisely.

Judy happens to be my mother’s name�and so�this is the perfect way to introduce a new Mother’s Day card:And just to keep it fair, here is a Father’s Day card:

April 17, 2012
ACTUAL Cards With Real Healing Powers

Step right up, step right up!

It’s here, a cure for all that ails! Do you suffer from one (or more) of the following complications?:

Bumpy skin?
Webbed toes?
Nagging wife?

No? How about?:

Limp tongue?

Rotting scalp?

Too many fingers?

Fear not!�Just one purchase�of a Zeichen Press letterpress greeting card will set you on the proper path to wellness!

(The following photographs are guaranteed to cure any inflammation:)

April 13, 2012
Merry Franmas!!

I tell my kids that I don’t want anything for my birthday. I tell them that I have everything I need.

But I’m lying.

The truth is, I need the following items:

Wait, I needed them in 1984.�Never mind. But they would come in handy now. Especially that “waterproof” walkman. (It’s not, I repeat: NOT waterproof). Also, (for the record) that Ouija Board (why was Parker Bros. into the occult?) didn’t even work. It was merely the hors d’oeuvre for the Slumber Party Game: Light As a Feather/Stiff As a Board. Um, if I caught my daughter and her friends playing that game, I’d be like, I GET TO TELL THE STORY AND CUT THE PRETEND HOLE IN THE FOREHEAD AND FILL IT WITH SAND.

Oh, I wouldn’t… I’d be more like, YOU GIRLS GET TO BED, ENOUGH OF YOUR WITCHCRAFT.

ALSO, that PacMan tray should only be used for craft projects. Never for food in bed. NEVER FOR FOOD IN BED.

Hmm, I guess I really don’t need anything.

PS: Thanks mom, for life!

PPS: Don’t worry, this is not a Holy Day of Obligation.

April 12, 2012
Should You Be Afraid of a Cash Mob?

No.

Normally, mobs carry pitchforks and torches but Cash Mobs�are different.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5zUAnIaD4I

How?

Cash Mobs�are a happy sort and their motivation has nothing to do with drawing�or�quartering. Cash Mobs support local businesses by encouraging shoppers to spend $20 at an independent boutique on a designated day.

Isn’t this a beautiful and simple concept?�I promise it won’t turn into a Black Friday Walmart thing. Leave your pepper spray at home.�

i like you�is next on the list. (Saturday, April 14.) Have you ever been?! You will be reduced to a giggling mess.

Just step over the girls.

April 12, 2012