Zeichen Press – Page 28 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Bionic Fran Goes To the Post Office

The much-anticipated matchup between Bionic Fran and Wonder Woman is finally here!�Tickets are available by our back gate and the fight will be held in the driveway.

Come early and pick an unripened tomato to throw at the loser.

The event takes place as soon as Jen finds her way out of the mountains � I know her pockets were stuffed with breadcrumbs, so I’m sure she’ll be fine.

I’ve been pretty busy while she’s been gone… The intern and I talked a lot, I picked up two dead birds and one dead baby rabbit… I brought orders to the post office… I made this birthday card…

July 24, 2013
Ampersands And Counting Skills

Counting is not as easy as it looks.�The intern and I had to count cards (we love to gamble) for a big�Kate’s Paperie�order.

Holiday cards in June?My life is an endless sacrifice.

All of that counting tasted terrible, and so to cleanse her palette, the intern put a lot of ampersands together. That looked exactly like this:And because I need attention, I made this:See, it’s a profound cultural statement? DO YOU SEE?!

July 20, 2013
And Classic Pam Taketh Away

Jen held the garbage-pail lid and I swung the hammer, it is our shop gong and is ceremoniously banged when we receive an order over $1,000.

We bang it one thousand times and then Jen gets to printing.

Paper Source�ordered a new (for them) card:Oh, what do I do after the gong show?�I chase and scold the cat.

Classic Pam has single-pawedly wiped out an entire rabbit family.

Tsk, tsk!

This one survived…until it peed and died in my hands.

ALSO,�Urban Outfitters�(a real mom and pop joint) wants samples of some of our cards.Settle down. SETTLE DOWN. They’ve led us on before � I’m not going to fashion a wooden stool into a potty chair so that I can sit by the phone day and night.

I’m not. I’M NOT.

July 15, 2013
Vacation Drama

Jen has been toiling away at Zeichen Press Headquarters and I have been thinking about her toiling away at Zeichen Press Headquarters.

It’s hard for me to think about that when I am so busy staring at the ocean.

I also took the time to create this:

(I’m a giver.)

But I did make her a card.

(I hope she doesn’t really want me to help though.)So I think that makes us even.

July 11, 2013
Pilgrimage Part XXXI (Return to Brigadoon)

The pilgrimage to Cape Cod was like a lil’ slice of Purgatory and I wept with joy as we pulled into the driveway. I also wept when we discovered the house-mascot had been murdered in cold blood.Who would do such a thing?

Don’t worry, everything else was in order:

The boats are in the harbor.

The hydrangeas are blue enough.And the dead people are still dead.PHEW!

July 2, 2013
Monkeys On Pogo-Sticks

My application for Mensa included a $20 bill and a film.

I hope they accept me � I want that laminated membership card.

I also incuded a couple of my own cards:

June 12, 2013

Scatology 101

My interests are broad and highbrow � sometimes I think about zombies and sometimes I think about bowel movements.�I guess I’m not the only one.�The reaction to the�zombie card I posted on Easter�caught me off guard.

Caught me off guard like a show poodle at the dog park.�(See, I’m the poodle, and the big dirty dogs come out of nowhere and molest me).

And that brings me to bowel movements. I just realized that both of the cards�Paper Source�chose to carry are poop-related.�How childish! How jejune!

April 10, 2012
Belated Easter Cards

Something (the cat mistaking my bathroom floor for her litter box) woke me up this morning and although I completely resented being awake, I wrote three cards.

Here they are.

Don’t send me hate mail.

April 8, 2012
Duck Was Here

I was getting dressed… brushing my teeth… pulling my hair into a ponytail… looking for my wallet… looking for my keys… feeding the dog… All the while, I heard many, many ducks flying overhead.

QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK

I thought,�“Wow… there must be like a hundred ducks… they sure quack a lot…”

I walked outside.

There was just one duck.

On my roof.

April 3, 2012
Status Updates Of Yore

�Managed to trap and skin a rat �� it will make a delicious stew AND the fur can be used to plug my empty eye-socket � the Lord doth provide!

�Does anyone know where I can find some food? My family has been living on brown bread and my old trousers for the entire Winter. Help!

�Dug such a deep pit today � grandma will surely die this Winter and the grave will be ready in Spring. #planahead

�My husband has had a fever for so long � the barber-surgeon is going to start the bloodletting tonight. Fingers crossed…

�My son is going to the�gibbet�tomorrow. 🙁

Okay, that was nice. How about a new card?

March 31, 2012
For Cheese and For My Country

Oscar Litterer lived in my house and he loved his ham radio. He loved it so much, he built a secret radio room under the stairs. I imagine he sat there night after night broadcasting his message to the moon and back. He was not alone � others really did share his passion for frequency modulation � but not in his own home. In his own home, his wife tended the peonies and their only son was devoted to the project of digging the hole in the driveway.

What a lonely life for Oscar!

When someone has a passion for something, they shouldn’t hide under the basement steps. They should open a shop and hire Zeichen Press to design t-shirts.�

March 30, 2012
Plan F

F for Fran. Plan Fran…

Ready? OK!

F-R-A-N… That spells, Fran! Yayyyy!That’s how I start every morning. A rousing cheer, followed by a�shot of micro-nutrients and a cup of coffee.�Rituals are so important.

On this particular morning, I heard my favorite sound in the world ��right after the cry of a newborn baby and right before the death-rattle of my enemies�� the fax machine.�Beep-beep-boop-beep-bip-bope-bop………..whirrrrrrrrrrr

‘Twas our first order from that paper super-power,�Paper Source! I grabbed the fax, my coffee and laptop, and headed to the warehouse. I set all three things down in front of me,�sat myself down, faced all squarely and said aloud, “Oh, this is nice.”

And to celebrate, I knocked over my coffee cup, spilling its contents all over the fax and into my open laptop.

Luckily, the dog ran in, lapped up the spilled coffee and pooped on the floor.

When is Jen coming home?

March 28, 2012
Found My Way Downstairs And Drank A Cup

With Jen gone, I wander about bumping into doorways and stepping in dog poop. I think I can write off glasses and shoes as a business expense so I’m not so concerned about the money. I�am�concerned by my ever-growing obsession with taking photographs of everything I see.

Help.

Me.

March 26, 2012
It Looks Like A Duck So It Must be Spring

Interns make me think of Summer and since we met two potential candidates this week, I think Summer must be approaching. I wanted to have the girls fight to the death for the position but Jen said we could hire both.�She is so sensible.

Anyway, Jen’s going on vacation tomorrow and that leaves me plenty of time to clean up the blood and call Centerpoint before I dig the grave in my backyard.

Dear Diary, I witnessed something today that I’m pretty sure is illegal. Anyway, I hope Jen has a nice time in Mexico. Fondly, Fran

March 22, 2012
A Dog’s To-Do List -AND- Other Important Things

One year, the�Easter Bunny�put a tiny white bunny in our Easter basket. I was sure it was meant for me and not for the other kids that shared my home and parents. An outdoor cage was built and the bunny lived in it until ��and my memory gets fuzzy at this point�� the bunny went to live with the Easter Bunny again? Yes, I think that’s what happened.

I don’t remember how I got it, but I also had a durable green parakeet. I usually forgot to clean her cage and the droppings rose like stalagmites from the newspaper-covered floor.

We never had a dog, although my grandparent’s dog tried to make me his wife. That was pretty traumatizing.

Last weekend, I was surrounded by six small dogs. I loved it so much, I made a new card:Oh,�AND the Important Thing?��We got cards into�Paper Source. It’s about time you noticed us, you big lug. (Paper Source has 63 shops around the country. Thats 63 x something x $ = $$$$)

March 21, 2012
We want to be more than just friends with: The Artisan Center (Denver)

Artisan Center�-> 2757 East Third Avenue, Denver, CO 80206

ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

Okay, so I began my exhaustive research with the�Yelp reviews. One phrase stood out, “This place hasn’t been around for 30 years by sucking.”

That should be their slogan.

Do you need soaps, jewelry, mobiles, salad bowls, stained glass,�OUR CARDS, or a bird house made of a Minnesota license plate??You do?�After reading those reviews,�I had to go check this place out for myself:

Those people are small. And blurry.

March 12, 2012