Zeichen Press – Page 30 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Bionic Fran Goes To the Post Office

The much-anticipated matchup between Bionic Fran and Wonder Woman is finally here!�Tickets are available by our back gate and the fight will be held in the driveway.

Come early and pick an unripened tomato to throw at the loser.

The event takes place as soon as Jen finds her way out of the mountains � I know her pockets were stuffed with breadcrumbs, so I’m sure she’ll be fine.

I’ve been pretty busy while she’s been gone… The intern and I talked a lot, I picked up two dead birds and one dead baby rabbit… I brought orders to the post office… I made this birthday card…

July 24, 2013
Ampersands And Counting Skills

Counting is not as easy as it looks.�The intern and I had to count cards (we love to gamble) for a big�Kate’s Paperie�order.

Holiday cards in June?My life is an endless sacrifice.

All of that counting tasted terrible, and so to cleanse her palette, the intern put a lot of ampersands together. That looked exactly like this:And because I need attention, I made this:See, it’s a profound cultural statement? DO YOU SEE?!

July 20, 2013
And Classic Pam Taketh Away

Jen held the garbage-pail lid and I swung the hammer, it is our shop gong and is ceremoniously banged when we receive an order over $1,000.

We bang it one thousand times and then Jen gets to printing.

Paper Source�ordered a new (for them) card:Oh, what do I do after the gong show?�I chase and scold the cat.

Classic Pam has single-pawedly wiped out an entire rabbit family.

Tsk, tsk!

This one survived…until it peed and died in my hands.

ALSO,�Urban Outfitters�(a real mom and pop joint) wants samples of some of our cards.Settle down. SETTLE DOWN. They’ve led us on before � I’m not going to fashion a wooden stool into a potty chair so that I can sit by the phone day and night.

I’m not. I’M NOT.

July 15, 2013
Vacation Drama

Jen has been toiling away at Zeichen Press Headquarters and I have been thinking about her toiling away at Zeichen Press Headquarters.

It’s hard for me to think about that when I am so busy staring at the ocean.

I also took the time to create this:

(I’m a giver.)

But I did make her a card.

(I hope she doesn’t really want me to help though.)So I think that makes us even.

July 11, 2013
Pilgrimage Part XXXI (Return to Brigadoon)

The pilgrimage to Cape Cod was like a lil’ slice of Purgatory and I wept with joy as we pulled into the driveway. I also wept when we discovered the house-mascot had been murdered in cold blood.Who would do such a thing?

Don’t worry, everything else was in order:

The boats are in the harbor.

The hydrangeas are blue enough.And the dead people are still dead.PHEW!

July 2, 2013
Monkeys On Pogo-Sticks

My application for Mensa included a $20 bill and a film.

I hope they accept me � I want that laminated membership card.

I also incuded a couple of my own cards:

June 12, 2013

Eyes on the Prize (Having Wonkavision)

The�New York International Gift Fair�(NYIGF) wrapped up (sans blizzard). I wasn’t there (I never am) but it must have been a huge success because our rep is faxing orders to us

faster than we can pull them.

Fax machines work just like Wonkavision and every day I hope to find a chocolate bar instead of an order.�But for now,�I must be satisfied with ink on paper.

February 6, 2012
Perspective, Passive Aggression, and Printing

I complain about January, but secretly, I love it. In January, my skin returns to its natural pasty-white color. I know this because I disrobe weekly for a quick shower and pat myself down with a damp towel. That’s not true, I also see my bare legs as I change from my pajama pants to my less-pajama-ish pants.

But enough about my enchanting facade, onto the chewy nougat:

Jen has almost finished printing the cards for our March Release.I can’t wait for her to be finished because then we can get back to all of our gabbing.

While I am forced to sit quietly with my own thoughts, I decided to be productive � I made two new cards: Guess which one will become an uncategorized orphan:

January 29, 2012
Midwinter Night’s Dream

Jen is printing the new cards for the March release and I have decided to wear the off-brand Forever Lazy suit until April 1.

The following is a dramatization of me wearing the suit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P1GEgYk9qM

January 24, 2012
I’m, Like, a Pretty Big Deal

But I don’t need to tell you that.

Sometimes it’s hard to stay humble. Luckily, humility is one of my greatest traits. That, and my perfect attitude and face make it difficult for everyone around me to go about their average lives.

Wait, let me throw down a little manna:

January 16, 2012
A Pigeon in My Flashing (and Other Bedtime Stories)

When Nature and Civilization collide it sounds just like stirring twelve tin cans in the bathtub with a golf club. This sound, combined with another sound�the sound of a pair of teeny-tiny hands strangling a pigeon.

I laid in bed for 1…2…3…4…5 hours and listened to, what I concluded was, a pigeon trapped behind the flashing on my house.

A squirrel met its maker (Bruce Hornsby) that same way last Summer. But not before it spent several days running itself to death. Was the pigeon luckier? It shivered in the cold until shortly before dawn. Like�the Little Match Girl, it shivered to death, clutching a clawful of burnt matches.

We have a client that needs graphics for its trucks so while I listened to the pathetic cries of the dying pigeon, I thought about that.

It was a productive night.

January 14, 2012
OMGUR4T

A surprise birthday party is 1,000% more fun than a regular birthday party. The planners plan for weeks – sending out secret invitations:

Unearthing senior photos to print on drink coasters:

And finally the moment arrives!

January 9, 2012
In January It’s So Nice

Hello, January. I hate you. Not as much as February, but I still hate you. I tell my children that you are full of fun and possibilities but I am lying.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NOJIYe6qoI

Perhaps this card captures my true feelings:

January 7, 2012
Tribulation Consolation

Sometimes (not very often)�I find myself at a loss for words. Speechless. Struck dumb by powerful emotion.�“I’m stunned. I mean, I’m in a state of… somebody should just throw a blanket over me, you know?” – Woody Allen (Manhattan)

Sometimes an empathy card is better than a sympathy card.

Sometimes a bear playing violin says it all.

January 1, 2012
Taking (A Fearless Moral) Inventory

Jen told me that she is learning to master Quickbooks. I trust her.

I bet that the Quickbooks tutorial requires puzzle completion before you really get into the meat of the application�just to make sure the user is nimble-minded.

The New Year is upon us and to celebrate I stood on a chair, my head surrounded by asbestos wrapped pipes, and counted envelopes.Jen said this was called�taking inventory�and while I am familiar with this as a spiritual concept, with a priest and�confessional�handy, I was easily distracted because the priest and confessional were replaced by the dog and a bin of Bazooka bubble gum.These items were not on Jen’s listbut I think that was a potentially expensive oversight. Just to be on the safe side, I counted one dog named Millie and 34 pieces of Bazooka.

You’re welcome, Jen.�

December 31, 2011
Fortune Teller, Tell My Fortune

Winter has been creeping in like a gas leak and I am always pleasantly surprised to find myself awake in the morning.�

“That’s nice.”�I say, as I stretch and crawl off my sofa-bed.�Never one to miss nuance, I wonder why I’m not in my own bed.

Good design sometimes requires getting into character – I’ve been dressing like a gypsy (not showering) for our latest�Tanek�project. A paper fortune teller is easier to mail than a crystal ball and some might argue – more accurate. Tanek will send 300 of these out to their dearest friends – I only hope they take the responsibility of predicting the future seriously:

��

December 21, 2011