Zeichen Press – Page 28 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

TOPLESS WOMAN MOLESTED BY LOCAL SEAL

Wellfleet, Massachusetts

A Minneapolis woman dove into the icy Atlantic Monday morning in an attempt to “meet a seal”.
Assuring onlookers that the attempt was an “act of diplomacy” she swam a distance of approximately 50 yards using a stroke known as the�Dog-Paddle. She met the 350 pound Harbor Seal unaware that the top of her two-piece bathing swimsuit had become untied and dropped to her waist. The woman is reported to have said that the seal reacted to the introduction like “some sort of wild animal” … “His flippers were all over me.”

July 22, 2009
Fran gets new glasses!

Observe this medical marvel:

July 13, 2009
David Hasselhoff, Jerry Lewis, Zeichen Press

The closest I’ve been to Australia is the�Victoria’s Filet�at the�Outback Steakhouse�in Blaine, MN (pop: 44,942). I’m not sure who to thank for introducing�Zeichen Press�to our Australian cousins. Maybe�Ampersand Duck�had something to do with it or maybe it was my grassroots advertising campaign. I stuffed (but first I drank) 1000 bottles of wine with�Zeichen Press Cards�and threw them into the Atlantic Ocean.

Maybe one washed up on the shores of Melbourne because this showed up in their newspaper:

Our�CanCards�are their�Object of Desire.�Thank you, Australia.

Someday I will visit you. And your kangaroos. And your boomerangs.

July 10, 2009
Seven Pounds is the name of the movie not the weight of my head

About a jillion years ago, I was contacted by some Hollywood set designer – she wanted to know if I had extra letterpress “JUNK JUNK JUNK” for a new movie starring Rosario Dawson and Will Smith. Wait. What?! Trembling, I clutched my Fresh Prince of Bel Air collection to my chest and replied, “Oh, that’s cool. Yeah, I could Fed Ex some stuff to you guys – I won’t charge extra for the dust.” (Followed by cool and knowing laughter). What a comfortable rapport! I was talking TO Hollywood. Maybe they’d ask me to audition for the movie! The movie… Maybe Rosario Dawson needed an understudy… or a body double?

We could be twins!

I asked the set designer when they’d like to fly me out, explaining that my schedule was flexible enough to�accommodate movie- shoots, sightseeing,�and�pool-parties. She told me she’d have her people call my people.

ANYWAY, it turns out they were able to pull the set together without my JUNK JUNK JUNK�and�Rosario politely declined my offer — we’re still totally friends

…So I finally watched The Movie last night. Ummm, Will Smith can fix my press anytime. Is that my review? Is that all I have to say? … Uhh, Rosario was convincingly ill and I bawled like a baby. There. Happy?? OH, and the garage-studio was super cute and perfect.

PS: Strangely, Rosario’s character ALSO nicknamed her press�The Beast.�What?!�

June 24, 2009
96�

I’m dripping with sweat. I’m marinating in sweat – the shop has got to be 100� . My head feels fuzzy… and my hands (are those�my�hands?) are leaving sweat-finger-prints on all the paper that I’m cutting.

Wait, I smell barbecue chicken! Wait, maybe I’m on fire…. False alarm. It’s really chicken.

So, I’m cutting paper in my bathing suit. I feel like I’m wearing a snowsuit in a sauna.

I love summer. I’m not even kidding.

June 23, 2009
Wanamingo

My kitchen faucet broke (again) and as I crouched on the patio with the garden hose and plastic scrubby, my mind wandered to faraway lands. Specifically, Wanamingo, Minnesota. Oh, Wanamingo! Has anyone written an ode to thee? I was in Wanamingo today and overheard this “conversation” between a mother and child at the 60 Stop Gas Station:

Child: “I �want eggs for breakfast.”

Mother: ” You can’t get everything you want. I wanted flowers for Mother’s Day and I got nuthin’!”

Oh, well. The REAL Wanamingo is full of chickens, barn cats, fictional alpacas and acres of hard-working folks that build chicken coops and excavate pig cemeteries – just for fun. These people walk around with just a hint of a smile, a smile that says, “I chop the logs to heat my house. I know how to grow potatoes. I know the difference between bush beans and pole beans.”

They also spend the Winter trying not to recreate a scene from The Shining.

I’M JUST SAYING.

Okay, so maybe I don’t have what it takes to step off the grid and live like Ma Kettle. Maybe the closest I get to feeling the heartland is living with a broken faucet. Fetching water for cooking makes me feel like a barbarian.

In between all my water fetching I made this :

It’s gonna be BIG people.

BIG.

June 13, 2009

Scatology 101

My interests are broad and highbrow � sometimes I think about zombies and sometimes I think about bowel movements.�I guess I’m not the only one.�The reaction to the�zombie card I posted on Easter�caught me off guard.

Caught me off guard like a show poodle at the dog park.�(See, I’m the poodle, and the big dirty dogs come out of nowhere and molest me).

And that brings me to bowel movements. I just realized that both of the cards�Paper Source�chose to carry are poop-related.�How childish! How jejune!

April 10, 2012
Belated Easter Cards

Something (the cat mistaking my bathroom floor for her litter box) woke me up this morning and although I completely resented being awake, I wrote three cards.

Here they are.

Don’t send me hate mail.

April 8, 2012
Duck Was Here

I was getting dressed… brushing my teeth… pulling my hair into a ponytail… looking for my wallet… looking for my keys… feeding the dog… All the while, I heard many, many ducks flying overhead.

QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK

I thought,�“Wow… there must be like a hundred ducks… they sure quack a lot…”

I walked outside.

There was just one duck.

On my roof.

April 3, 2012
Status Updates Of Yore

�Managed to trap and skin a rat �� it will make a delicious stew AND the fur can be used to plug my empty eye-socket � the Lord doth provide!

�Does anyone know where I can find some food? My family has been living on brown bread and my old trousers for the entire Winter. Help!

�Dug such a deep pit today � grandma will surely die this Winter and the grave will be ready in Spring. #planahead

�My husband has had a fever for so long � the barber-surgeon is going to start the bloodletting tonight. Fingers crossed…

�My son is going to the�gibbet�tomorrow. 🙁

Okay, that was nice. How about a new card?

March 31, 2012
For Cheese and For My Country

Oscar Litterer lived in my house and he loved his ham radio. He loved it so much, he built a secret radio room under the stairs. I imagine he sat there night after night broadcasting his message to the moon and back. He was not alone � others really did share his passion for frequency modulation � but not in his own home. In his own home, his wife tended the peonies and their only son was devoted to the project of digging the hole in the driveway.

What a lonely life for Oscar!

When someone has a passion for something, they shouldn’t hide under the basement steps. They should open a shop and hire Zeichen Press to design t-shirts.�

March 30, 2012
Plan F

F for Fran. Plan Fran…

Ready? OK!

F-R-A-N… That spells, Fran! Yayyyy!That’s how I start every morning. A rousing cheer, followed by a�shot of micro-nutrients and a cup of coffee.�Rituals are so important.

On this particular morning, I heard my favorite sound in the world ��right after the cry of a newborn baby and right before the death-rattle of my enemies�� the fax machine.�Beep-beep-boop-beep-bip-bope-bop………..whirrrrrrrrrrr

‘Twas our first order from that paper super-power,�Paper Source! I grabbed the fax, my coffee and laptop, and headed to the warehouse. I set all three things down in front of me,�sat myself down, faced all squarely and said aloud, “Oh, this is nice.”

And to celebrate, I knocked over my coffee cup, spilling its contents all over the fax and into my open laptop.

Luckily, the dog ran in, lapped up the spilled coffee and pooped on the floor.

When is Jen coming home?

March 28, 2012
Found My Way Downstairs And Drank A Cup

With Jen gone, I wander about bumping into doorways and stepping in dog poop. I think I can write off glasses and shoes as a business expense so I’m not so concerned about the money. I�am�concerned by my ever-growing obsession with taking photographs of everything I see.

Help.

Me.

March 26, 2012
It Looks Like A Duck So It Must be Spring

Interns make me think of Summer and since we met two potential candidates this week, I think Summer must be approaching. I wanted to have the girls fight to the death for the position but Jen said we could hire both.�She is so sensible.

Anyway, Jen’s going on vacation tomorrow and that leaves me plenty of time to clean up the blood and call Centerpoint before I dig the grave in my backyard.

Dear Diary, I witnessed something today that I’m pretty sure is illegal. Anyway, I hope Jen has a nice time in Mexico. Fondly, Fran

March 22, 2012
A Dog’s To-Do List -AND- Other Important Things

One year, the�Easter Bunny�put a tiny white bunny in our Easter basket. I was sure it was meant for me and not for the other kids that shared my home and parents. An outdoor cage was built and the bunny lived in it until ��and my memory gets fuzzy at this point�� the bunny went to live with the Easter Bunny again? Yes, I think that’s what happened.

I don’t remember how I got it, but I also had a durable green parakeet. I usually forgot to clean her cage and the droppings rose like stalagmites from the newspaper-covered floor.

We never had a dog, although my grandparent’s dog tried to make me his wife. That was pretty traumatizing.

Last weekend, I was surrounded by six small dogs. I loved it so much, I made a new card:Oh,�AND the Important Thing?��We got cards into�Paper Source. It’s about time you noticed us, you big lug. (Paper Source has 63 shops around the country. Thats 63 x something x $ = $$$$)

March 21, 2012
We want to be more than just friends with: The Artisan Center (Denver)

Artisan Center�-> 2757 East Third Avenue, Denver, CO 80206

ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

Okay, so I began my exhaustive research with the�Yelp reviews. One phrase stood out, “This place hasn’t been around for 30 years by sucking.”

That should be their slogan.

Do you need soaps, jewelry, mobiles, salad bowls, stained glass,�OUR CARDS, or a bird house made of a Minnesota license plate??You do?�After reading those reviews,�I had to go check this place out for myself:

Those people are small. And blurry.

March 12, 2012