• Minnehahahahahahahaha Creek

    “What street is this??” I yelled up to the boy watching us float past him. He told me that we were just about to enter the Ninth Circle of Hell.

    PHEW! Almost done!

    Three hours to travel 2.5 miles… Could we have walked faster than the creek carried us? Oh, THAT’S the point my kids were making when they got out of their tubes and dragged them the last four blocks! Oh, kids! So subtle!

    I didn’t get a photograph of them on our adventure, BUT a giant spider landed on my belly! AND who needs a picture of all three when one of them modeled for the company that made our tubes?

    river run tube w dylans head.2(Grip those handles! Safety first, Dylan!)

    I only thought the creek-pollution caused blindness one time and I only lost my sunglasses one time — I’d call that a win!

    Here’s a card, maybe inspired by laughter-induced bladder incontinence. MAYBE NOT.

    LIFE spare underpants

    August 11, 2016
  • Roadhouse and Tea Towels and Poop Sandwiches

    My life is one big Sexy Action Thriller. And being a bouncer at the Double Deuce in Missouri when I was only ten years old was pretty intense. Sure, I had great hair and sure I had a winning smile, and sure I always made breaking up bar fights and drinking black coffee look sexy. That’s just who I am.

    FLAT.Fifth Grade Fran in front of the Double Deuce Roadhouse

    Truth is, practicing tai chi in your brother’s sweatpants and running a letterpress design studio with cards SOLD AROUND THE WORLD, takes discipline and dedication.

    Live Wires, our New Zealand distributor, knows this and sent us a token of appreciation.

    live wires tea towel

    I think they’re supposed to be for tea but I already used mine for sopping up blood from a letterpress-related (packing tape dispenser) injury. Thanks Helen Harvey!

    After I bandaged my wound, I made this:

    sorry poop sandwich

    July 31, 2016
  • As The World Turns

    My little sister had baby #2 last week, she gave birth at home but, strangely, didn’t ask me to participate.

    Despite my lack of presence, the birth went off without a hitch because anyone can boil water and get towels. (SORRY MOM.)

    I will give her this card the next time I break in to her house:

    I NEED ALL THE ATTENTIONALSO, I made this because I am so into politics:black white pirateSo, you don’t need to watch the news tonight. You’re welcome.

    July 21, 2016
  • I Dreamed a Dream

    Dinah told me about her crazy dream!

    She said we left her for two weeks with Tib and Jen so we could go to Cape Cod, and she had a fever and hair-balls. She said it was actually more like a nightmare — poor thing!

    I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her nightmare was real… that we did leave her for two weeks with Tib and Jen.

    But she isn’t alone. When she reads the blog, she’ll find out about our scary flight home. The airline warned us, but people just do whatever they want.DO NOT USE - allThe other passengers made calls on their flip-phones, watched who-knows-what on portable televisions, drove their remote-controlled cars up and down the aisle, talked to each other on walkie-talkies, and blasted music on transistor radios! Meanwhile we, The Law-Abiding, were stuck in the teeny-tiny bathroom, forced to take hysterical selfies.FRAN SCARED PLANE look at doorBUT, we managed to land safely, no thanks to all of that recklessness. I will NOT be giving them my latest Thank You Card.grass see ass

    July 13, 2016
  • 02630

    Cape Cod 2016 is (so far) drama AND cage-free. Wait, we did lose one member of the party searching for the water shut-off valve in the cellar.

    Cellar doorBen in cellar

    He was brave and will be missed.

    More importantly, we never found that shut-off valve! One life wasted.

    But we must carry on, he would have wanted it that way.Rocky and ApolloThe very next day was filled with so much splashing and laughter and sunscreen, I’m sure Ben was looking down on us and giggling! Oh, how he’d giggle!Edmund and Steve MarconiAND here’s a little thing from The Boston Globe about Millennials’ loving PAPER greeting cards. DUH.

    July 1, 2016
  • Mystery Solving and Scapegoating and Huge Fans

    This isn’t the first time I blamed The Cats for a crime they didn’t commit.

    Nor will it be the last. tib mugshotThe odor of rotten animal is unforgettable and like the odor of rotting potato, it is embedded in the brain. But sometimes the brain jumbles the smell of decomposing rodent with the smell of a blanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can.

    And that is where my story begins…

    The Summer Breeze gently wafted through the upstairs windows. It was pleasant, until an occasional repulsive odor stung my nostrils. I blamed The Cats for hunting, killing, and hiding their prey somewhere on my second floor.

    But a search for a body was in vain and a garbage can investigation led me to the real suspect: that damn blanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can!

    Mea culpa, Tib!  When will I ever trust you again??

    Speaking of breezes (and puns??)… Here’s a new thank you/congratulations card.really big fan

    June 18, 2016
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  • I Think I Can, I Think I Can

    Jen’s in Austria because she loves gazebos.Sound of Music GazeboThe Intern (Madge) is in Italy because she loves dreamy landscapes.dreamy landscape.MadgeAnd I am here because I love the smell of flooded basements. basement floor.2016Is that asbestos tile??

    Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. See how we just throw caution to the wind over here?? I almost forgot what the floor looked like under 1,000 lbs of soaked carpet! And that was my lesson about not taking things for granted.

    Between all that lesson-learnin’, I made a new card.bad back uselessDon’t hurry home guys!

    June 16, 2016
  • Being A Better Person

    Tib knows it’s summer because the screens are on.

    *tib screen window 2016And *I* know it’s summer for other, more important, reasons.swimsuit season is upon usBut I’m trying to be a better person/less into body-sculpting, so I decided to read a book. It was written by The Intern’s daughter, Nora McInerny Purmot.*Its Okay To LaughChapter 25 was especially fun to read because Madge is so near and dear to my heart and I could relate to the notion of elder-abuse.madge chapter 25Except my mom has made it very clear that she wants to be euthanized via pillow-suffocation, pre-elder-abuse.

    Oh, mom!

    June 2, 2016
  • Semi-Casual Observer

    Wait a sec… This ice cream truck drives slowly by the house/Zeichen Press HQ every day,ice cream truck window 2016but I have never really studied it…

    Zoom… Enhance…ice cream truck cropAnd again…

    …

    …

    …

    …

    …read my face typeI KNEW IT.

    May 26, 2016
  • Art Licensing Part X

    RSVP wanted MORE greeting card submissions. And having a wet towel for a brain makes it so much easier to wring.rsvp.3.choosersvp.high five graduationrsvp golf.better

    rsvp.dear god with PS

    May 13, 2016
  • Behold, I Make All Things New

    Remember last year when my lung collapsed and my mom had to sleep on a cot in my dingy bedroom so she could walk me to the bathroom in the middle of the night?collapsed lung discharge papersAnd EMTs had to come to that same dingy bedroom, on that very same night, because we thought my chest-tube had fallen out?

    No?

    I know you’re wondering if the EMTs were cute and why my bedroom was so dingy. Um, my mom volunteered to be their Resusci Annie doll and I’ve been a little too busy building the Zeichen Press Empire to focus on home-making frivolity.

    But, between choosing paper/envelopes for the Spring Release and conquering territories, I did refresh my bedroom. And now I see no reason to ever leave it.new roomChoosing paint color is just like choosing ink color. But with less Jen and more anxiety.

    Speaking of self-medicating (was I?) here’s a Spring Release teaser (see/buy ALL 12 from the shop!):use.app for this

    May 4, 2016
  • Around The World In A Day

    1985 : Minneapolis

    One 13 year old girl (me) biked to Calhoun Square in Uptown to buy a record for her friend’s birthday and almost kept it for herself (myself).

    I might have forgotten to ask to borrow the bike from my sister. And might have forgotten to ask permission from my mom to bike there. And I might have not brought a bike lock. And the bike might have been stolen from the entrance where it was super-discreetly parked behind the Calhoun Square signage. AND I might have had to walk home. 

    But how could I not risk everything (being grounded) to get that album when I was pretty sure Prince wrote Paisley Park about me??:

    Colorful people whose hair

    On 1 side is swept back

    Sigh.thanks for all the things purple

    April 24, 2016
  • Franmas 2016!

    After coughing the web of mucus from my throat, it was time to choose paper and envelope colors for the Spring Release.Dinah crazy love cardDinah told me later that she was plotting my murder while I took this photo.

    Oh, Dinah! What will make you snap?!

    Wait, tell us more about the web of mucus!

    No! No more. Onto more important things.

    Like frogs im Deutschland.darling danke schonWho needs pants when you have legs like that? Amiright??

    April 12, 2016
  • Throwback Thursday (#TBT)

    Miss Sherman was our 5th grade music teacher and aside from corporeal punishment and unruly hair, she was perfect. Every week, students were encouraged to bring in their favorite record album. And because lessons are best learned through repeated humiliation (read about First Picture Day at my new school), I brought in my favorite album.muppet movie album

    …I wonder what the other kids brought! This is SO much fun!

    …Wait…

    Michael Jackson, Off The Wall…

    The Cars, Panorama??…

    Oh, Kermit! Nobody understands us/Miss Sherman forgot to call on me/oh look, this record barely sticks out between my stack of books/these darn Fall allergies make my eyes water!

    I wouldn’t tell my mom about this while I stood by the piano as she played folk songs and I sang my little heart out. I WOULDN’T.

    What I’m trying to say is that Jen and I picked cards for our Spring Release.

    Here’s a teaser:is there an app for this.vert.

    March 31, 2016
  • BIG plans vs. reality

    One of our many cats had chronic diarrhea. We kept her around because she produced litter after litter of adorable white kittens.

    And because coming home was always a surprise – where would we find her poop today?? In the mitten-bin… in the laundry basket… under my daughter’s pillow??

    Life is so full of surprises!

    Like, when the vet called to say she died after he removed her ovaries. SURPRISE! Oh, but now she doesn’t send us on poop-hunts, because she’s buried in a shallow grave in the backyard.

    First life zigs, and then it zags!gonna start juicing

    March 18, 2016
  • Let the healing begin!

    Chickenpox?lucy pox 2016Broken femur?Anthony hospitalSERIOUSLY???FEEL BETTER

    March 8, 2016
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