• Minnehahahahahahahaha Creek

    “What street is this??” I yelled up to the boy watching us float past him. He told me that we were just about to enter the Ninth Circle of Hell.

    PHEW! Almost done!

    Three hours to travel 2.5 miles… Could we have walked faster than the creek carried us? Oh, THAT’S the point my kids were making when they got out of their tubes and dragged them the last four blocks! Oh, kids! So subtle!

    I didn’t get a photograph of them on our adventure, BUT a giant spider landed on my belly! AND who needs a picture of all three when one of them modeled for the company that made our tubes?

    river run tube w dylans head.2(Grip those handles! Safety first, Dylan!)

    I only thought the creek-pollution caused blindness one time and I only lost my sunglasses one time — I’d call that a win!

    Here’s a card, maybe inspired by laughter-induced bladder incontinence. MAYBE NOT.

    LIFE spare underpants

    August 11, 2016
  • Roadhouse and Tea Towels and Poop Sandwiches

    My life is one big Sexy Action Thriller. And being a bouncer at the Double Deuce in Missouri when I was only ten years old was pretty intense. Sure, I had great hair and sure I had a winning smile, and sure I always made breaking up bar fights and drinking black coffee look sexy. That’s just who I am.

    FLAT.Fifth Grade Fran in front of the Double Deuce Roadhouse

    Truth is, practicing tai chi in your brother’s sweatpants and running a letterpress design studio with cards SOLD AROUND THE WORLD, takes discipline and dedication.

    Live Wires, our New Zealand distributor, knows this and sent us a token of appreciation.

    live wires tea towel

    I think they’re supposed to be for tea but I already used mine for sopping up blood from a letterpress-related (packing tape dispenser) injury. Thanks Helen Harvey!

    After I bandaged my wound, I made this:

    sorry poop sandwich

    July 31, 2016
  • As The World Turns

    My little sister had baby #2 last week, she gave birth at home but, strangely, didn’t ask me to participate.

    Despite my lack of presence, the birth went off without a hitch because anyone can boil water and get towels. (SORRY MOM.)

    I will give her this card the next time I break in to her house:

    I NEED ALL THE ATTENTIONALSO, I made this because I am so into politics:black white pirateSo, you don’t need to watch the news tonight. You’re welcome.

    July 21, 2016
  • I Dreamed a Dream

    Dinah told me about her crazy dream!

    She said we left her for two weeks with Tib and Jen so we could go to Cape Cod, and she had a fever and hair-balls. She said it was actually more like a nightmare — poor thing!

    I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her nightmare was real… that we did leave her for two weeks with Tib and Jen.

    But she isn’t alone. When she reads the blog, she’ll find out about our scary flight home. The airline warned us, but people just do whatever they want.DO NOT USE - allThe other passengers made calls on their flip-phones, watched who-knows-what on portable televisions, drove their remote-controlled cars up and down the aisle, talked to each other on walkie-talkies, and blasted music on transistor radios! Meanwhile we, The Law-Abiding, were stuck in the teeny-tiny bathroom, forced to take hysterical selfies.FRAN SCARED PLANE look at doorBUT, we managed to land safely, no thanks to all of that recklessness. I will NOT be giving them my latest Thank You Card.grass see ass

    July 13, 2016
  • 02630

    Cape Cod 2016 is (so far) drama AND cage-free. Wait, we did lose one member of the party searching for the water shut-off valve in the cellar.

    Cellar doorBen in cellar

    He was brave and will be missed.

    More importantly, we never found that shut-off valve! One life wasted.

    But we must carry on, he would have wanted it that way.Rocky and ApolloThe very next day was filled with so much splashing and laughter and sunscreen, I’m sure Ben was looking down on us and giggling! Oh, how he’d giggle!Edmund and Steve MarconiAND here’s a little thing from The Boston Globe about Millennials’ loving PAPER greeting cards. DUH.

    July 1, 2016
  • Mystery Solving and Scapegoating and Huge Fans

    This isn’t the first time I blamed The Cats for a crime they didn’t commit.

    Nor will it be the last. tib mugshotThe odor of rotten animal is unforgettable and like the odor of rotting potato, it is embedded in the brain. But sometimes the brain jumbles the smell of decomposing rodent with the smell of a blanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can.

    And that is where my story begins…

    The Summer Breeze gently wafted through the upstairs windows. It was pleasant, until an occasional repulsive odor stung my nostrils. I blamed The Cats for hunting, killing, and hiding their prey somewhere on my second floor.

    But a search for a body was in vain and a garbage can investigation led me to the real suspect: that damn blanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can!

    Mea culpa, Tib!  When will I ever trust you again??

    Speaking of breezes (and puns??)… Here’s a new thank you/congratulations card.really big fan

    June 18, 2016
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  • The Perfect Christmas Cards

    Thank you, Religion News Service, for appreciating the ho-ho-Holiday-humdrum-hole-filling.  religion news service devoured by wolvesAnd thank you, Dinah the Cat, for understanding the true meaning of Christmas.Dinah Christmas 2015And you’re right, you should be in the new Christmas card.merry christmas perfect family

    December 15, 2015
  • Holiday Season Opener

    Oh, No Coast Craft-o-Rama… You never let us down! becky no coast 2015The Midtown Market’s halls were decked and bedazzled with all things Holiday… And handmade goodness was traded for cold-hard-cash.

    The Zeichen Press Empire is always draped in black fabric because black is slimming.

    Here’s a new Christmas card/fantasy?:back door christmas cookies

    December 8, 2015
  • This Time of Year Fills Me With

    this time of yearThe No Coast Craft-O-Rama is TODAY and tomorrow (December 4th and 5th) and Jen has been feverishly printing in preparation.

    She must have been too busy to notice my new woodpile!wood pile.IMG_7916Come see all of the Holiday Goodies at the Midtown Global Market today — Jen will be giving out free hugs with every purchase!

    December 4, 2015
  • THANK YOU!

    Once Upon A Time, my sister got the stomach flu so bad. Poor thing… up in the middle of the night… every bit of food evacuating her body post-haste. Who knew the colon could churn and transform loose stool into clear liquid? Well, my brother found out when he sleep-stumbled into the bathroom and slipped and skated on the translucent trots that never made it into the toilet-bowl.

    See? Analogy. Our gratitude just pours out of us! It’s almost like a medical condition.

    To “give back”, we are hosting Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade!

    Tune in!frand and jen parade-hosts

    November 26, 2015
  • FINE. We can be friends.

    **An Open Letter to Alexis Stewart:

    Dear Alexis Stewart,

    If you want to be friends with me, just ask. You don’t need to buy all of your Christmas and birthday AND Mother’s Day cards from me.

    Friends Forever,

    Fran

    —

    Whew! I’m glad I got that out of the way! Thanks to Mail Chimp, our email-blast campaign was full of success.mail chimp rock on

    Wanna know what Mother’s Day card Martha Stewart is getting in 2016???

    I’LL NEVER TELL!!!

    November 21, 2015
  • Wherein One Woman Does NOT Go Gentle Into That Good Night

    Does my IQ have to be higher to understand Sci-Fi films??  interstellarAs the credits rolled for Interstellar, I whispered, to myself, “whaaat???” Maybe I should have taken 100 classes to prep me? All of that technlogy and time-talk made me wish I was working on the new Zeichen Press catalog that Jen so agressively marked-up.marked up catalog 2016I’LL GET TO IT. As soon as I finish rewatching Mad Men.

    And while I’m (not) doing that, The Internsmall.jen & fran june 2009 and Madge.smiling.cabinetis gallivanting about in Italy like some sort of hippie. Well, let’s just see if you have a studio to come home to. (OMG, I’M KIDDING. Please come home. And bring us souvenirs.)

    November 13, 2015
  • #empathycards

    “WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT??”

    ~Fran Shea

    These cards stopped me right in my (dog) poop-covered tracks:emily mcdowell.kill you strongerLet’s be friends, Emily McDowell.

    Too needy? 

    November 4, 2015
  • Non! Je Ne Regrette Rien!

    Dinah always makes such a big deal about choosing paper and envelope color for a new release.

    First, she has Jen print a card:IMG_7551

    And then she does this:

    She is such a taskmaster.

    October 27, 2015
  • NOT YOUR DOORMAT

    Greeting cards would be better if they were huge. And I could wipe my feet on them.

    And what better way to spread the Good Word of Zeichen Press than by emblazoning it upon the doormat of every doorstep for every home throughout the land?High Cotton.revised wrapped in baconHigh Cotton makes lots of things, for lots of people. And now they will make doormats for us. I mean, for you. They’ll make doormats for you. Designed by us.high cotton.what the duck gray

    October 26, 2015
  • Gracias…

    …El Nińo. I know I’m supposed to be cursing Climate Change… I KNOW.

    But how can I curse when meteorologists are predicting a warmer-than-usual winter??

    I must embrace the phenomenon the way a mother embraces her wayward son.

    IN OTHER NEWS, Jen and I chose 12 cards for the next release using darts, a cardboard cutout of Steve Buscemi, and our first-aid kit.

    Here’s a teaser:curse this curse.vertAnd because I always plan ahead, here’s a new Father’s Day card:GOLF browner

    October 17, 2015
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