• TOPLESS WOMAN MOLESTED BY LOCAL SEAL

    Wellfleet, Massachusetts

    A Minneapolis woman dove into the icy Atlantic Monday morning in an attempt to “meet a seal”.
    Assuring onlookers that the attempt was an “act of diplomacy” she swam a distance of approximately 50 yards using a stroke known as the Dog-Paddle. She met the 350 pound Harbor Seal unaware that the top of her two-piece bathing swimsuit had become untied and dropped to her waist. The woman is reported to have said that the seal reacted to the introduction like “some sort of wild animal” … “His flippers were all over me.”

    July 22, 2009
  • Fran gets new glasses!

    Observe this medical marvel:fran-with-new-glasses-and-l1-450x337

    July 13, 2009
  • David Hasselhoff, Jerry Lewis, Zeichen Press

    The closest I’ve been to Australia is the Victoria’s Filet at the Outback Steakhouse in Blaine, MN (pop: 44,942). I’m not sure who to thank for introducing Zeichen Press to our Australian cousins. Maybe Ampersand Duck had something to do with it or maybe it was my grassroots advertising campaign. I stuffed (but first I drank) 1000 bottles of wine with Zeichen Press Cards and threw them into the Atlantic Ocean.

    Maybe one washed up on the shores of Melbourne because this showed up in their newspaper:sunday-age-450x277

    Our CanCards are their Object of Desire. Thank you, Australia.

    Someday I will visit you. And your kangaroos. And your boomerangs.

    July 10, 2009
  • Seven Pounds is the name of the movie not the weight of my head

    About a jillion years ago, I was contacted by some Hollywood set designer – she wanted to know if I had extra letterpress “JUNK JUNK JUNK” for a new movie starring Rosario Dawson and Will Smith. Wait. What?! Trembling, I clutched my Fresh Prince of Bel Air collection to my chest and replied, “Oh, that’s cool. Yeah, I could Fed Ex some stuff to you guys – I won’t charge extra for the dust.” (Followed by cool and knowing laughter). What a comfortable rapport! I was talking TO Hollywood. Maybe they’d ask me to audition for the movie! The movie… Maybe Rosario Dawson needed an understudy… or a body double?

    rosario-dawson-450x345

    We could be twins!judy-gets-a-bath

    I asked the set designer when they’d like to fly me out, explaining that my schedule was flexible enough to accommodate movie- shoots, sightseeing, and pool-parties. She told me she’d have her people call my people.

    ANYWAY, it turns out they were able to pull the set together without my JUNK JUNK JUNK and Rosario politely declined my offer — we’re still totally friends

    …So I finally watched The Movie last night. Ummm, Will Smith can fix my press anytime. Is that my review? Is that all I have to say? … Uhh, Rosario was convincingly ill and I bawled like a baby. There. Happy?? OH, and the garage-studio was super cute and perfect.

    PS: Strangely, Rosario’s character ALSO nicknamed her press The Beast. What?! c-and-p-shop-2012

    June 24, 2009
  • 96°

    I’m dripping with sweat. I’m marinating in sweat – the shop has got to be 100° . My head feels fuzzy… and my hands (are those my hands?) are leaving sweat-finger-prints on all the paper that I’m cutting.

    Wait, I smell barbecue chicken! Wait, maybe I’m on fire…. False alarm. It’s really chicken.

    So, I’m cutting paper in my bathing suit. I feel like I’m wearing a snowsuit in a sauna.

    I love summer. I’m not even kidding.

    June 23, 2009
  • Wanamingo

    My kitchen faucet broke (again) and as I crouched on the patio with the garden hose and plastic scrubby, my mind wandered to faraway lands. Specifically, Wanamingo, Minnesota. Oh, Wanamingo! Has anyone written an ode to thee? I was in Wanamingo today and overheard this “conversation” between a mother and child at the 60 Stop Gas Station:

    Child: “I  want eggs for breakfast.”

    Mother: ” You can’t get everything you want. I wanted flowers for Mother’s Day and I got nuthin’!”

    Oh, well. The REAL Wanamingo is full of chickens, barn cats, fictional alpacas and acres of hard-working folks that build chicken coops and excavate pig cemeteries – just for fun. These people walk around with just a hint of a smile, a smile that says, “I chop the logs to heat my house. I know how to grow potatoes. I know the difference between bush beans and pole beans.”

    They also spend the Winter trying not to recreate a scene from The Shining.

    I’M JUST SAYING.

    Okay, so maybe I don’t have what it takes to step off the grid and live like Ma Kettle. Maybe the closest I get to feeling the heartland is living with a broken faucet. Fetching water for cooking makes me feel like a barbarian.

    In between all my water fetching I made this :

    Cafe-Greeting-Cards-business-card-red-&-black

    It’s gonna be BIG people.

    BIG.

    June 13, 2009
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  • Not technically a birthday card

    BUT a card to celebrate a birth. A birth card? Be bold, new mother! Send out a stack of these and you send out a statement: Don’t mess with me or my baby.

    Say hello to my little friend.

    November 27, 2008
  • The Grinch and Me

    For your amusement:

    Maniac. (note Paul Westerberg over my left shoulder)My twin.

    November 23, 2008
  • St. Frances

    I nearly took that martyr shortcut last night.  Jen drove her teeny-tiny Honda  and our brand-new printer got to ride shotgun while I sat in the back with Loretta.

    Loretta, screaming sweet nothings

    She was very busy screaming sweet nothings in my ear, while Jen was trying to drive with an 80 pound boxed laser

    Dr. Evil

    printer resting gently on her right hand, her rear-view mirror tilted helpfully at the ceiling. She wasn’t applying make-up so I guess she didn’t really need it. I told Loretta that she was lucky because the last thing she’d ever see was my face. She screamed louder and I handed her my iPhone. Sometimes Jen would ask me if it was “safe” to switch lanes. I always told her yes because in the grand scheme of things isn’t it always safe to switch lanes? We actually made it home. I kissed the ground. Loretta screamed and cried goodbye and they drove away.

    November 22, 2008
  • “dial B for Birthday”

    I’ve set a goal for myself. 25 birthday cards by January 1. Patina wants more birthday cards and dammit they are going to get more birthday cards. Why am I sucking up to that cutesy pootsy boutique? Because I LOVE IT. Oh, how I love it… If Patina carried a coffin, I would kill myself just to be buried in it.

    Here’s a new card. – Designed on the computer, soon to be a plate, soon to be inked, soon to be part of our illustrious line.

    "dial B for Birthday"

     

    By the way, I AM counting the Trader Joe’s rejects in my 25. So, 25-8=17. I used a calculator. Seriously.

    November 19, 2008
  • It’s Christless time!

    Time for more corporate holiday cards! My Big Brother owns Tanek, the coolest (of course) architectural firm in the Midwest. Every year they ask us to bring some of our freshest (dopest) designs to their table. We drop whatever we’re doing (eating) and hop to.  This year I’ve created a couple of things:

    taneksnowflakekerned-prop1

    subtlehalftone-peppermint

    The humor is subtle. Just like me.

    I think this one should have been chosen last year:

    tanek-paper-dolls

    But no. It was voted down. Apparently the Tanek Leaders didn’t want to be seen in their fictional underpants. Prudes.

    November 12, 2008
  • Is that a fax?

    Hot Damn! We finally picked a sales rep! A first-rate group of gals (there is a guy in the group that reps Iowa but he’s on a sort of hiatus – sorry Iowa) that will spread the Zeichen Love across this frigid, northern land. Minnesota, Wisconsin, North Dakota, and South Dakota. I’ve actually never been to North or South Dakota… In fact, I’m not even sure they exist. I’d like some sort of proof. Anyway, our fax machine has been ringing off the hizzle with orders – our biggest so far: Kowalski’s Markets. I love Kowalski’s and I’m not just saying that. My ice cream melts in the cart while I wander around like a free-range chicken. (Before the farmer kills it and Kowalski’s sells it and I eat it. Mmm, delicious.)

    November 11, 2008
  • Front Page News

    Patriotic Duty

    November 6, 2008
  • Can I be nicer?

    I guess that last round of cards I did for Trader Joe’s were tossed into the “maybe” pile for being “too snippy, irreverent, and sarcastic”. That would hurt my feelings if I wasn’t made entirely of gears, microchips, and ice. I figured I better try again. I thought, “what would a nice person want to say to another person that they actually cared for? How can I help facilitate some positive communication that may otherwise be forever unspoken due to awkward shyness or maybe even because of some sort of speech impediment. What if someone has simply taken a vow of silence? I will be their voice.” (Didn’t that totally give you chills? I know, I KNOW. That was totally unrehearsed.) Here are the nicer cards for Trader Joe’s: (Will they be nice enough? Stay tuned.)

    Shucks!

    November 3, 2008
  • Let’s Cozy Up, Kelly Clarkson

    Umm, the Target Center was a strange, strange place last night. So many jewel encrusted tank tops and hoodies… I felt out of place in my Witch Costume. My friend, Melissa Peterman rocked the house with her comic stylings. To thank her for setting up a meet-n-greet with Kelly and Reba, I made her a set of these:missys-cards.new

    I was disappointed that Kelly and Reba didn’t arrive on horseback. I did allow them to take a picture with me. An act, I feel, was very much appreciated by both of them. They were thrilled to meet me and asked me all sorts of questions about my lifestyle.

    kellymekennyreba-245x300

    October 28, 2008
  • Bad Catholic Mutha’

    They say this cat Shaft is a bad mother SHUT YOUR MOUTH!  I’m talkin’ ’bout Shaft. THEN WE CAN DIG IT! 

    Brrrrrrrr. Um, brrrrrrrrr. Something (snow) tells me summer is over. I had a VERY busy weekend, there was Kelly Clarkson, then a bunch of stuff, then Don Draper. Oh, yes – I managed to squeeze in a design/letterpress project.

    Some Bad Catholic Mothers of OLG (hardcore acronym: Our Lady of Grace) asked me to design a book cover for their Tell-All Confessional. Thanks to Boxcar for their perfect plate and thanks to all you Bad Catholic Muthas out there for your indiscretion and moral ambiguity.

    October 27, 2008
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