Zeichen Press – Page 9 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

How To Catch A Fish (Sort Of)

By age nine, I would delicately,

with my right hand, fold down the sharp fins of a Sunfish.

Why?�

So I could use my left hand to insert the rusty pliars into the gasping mouth of my catch to retrieve the swallowed hook.

If I was lucky.

If I�wasn’t�lucky, I’d stare at my motionless bobber for hours.

*Some backstory: My older brother (third of eight) allowed me to fish with him if I did whatever he said, and didn’t cry. He was SERIOUS about fishing. I had glasses and greasy blonde hair.

**Some backstory about the backstory: My brother was born in September, and I was already a sprouted seed in our Mom’s belly by the next Summer.

I think I’ve used the�bobber-watching metaphor�before, but it is APT. Everyday, I wait for�my agent�to tell me to get the rusty pliars.

Why doesn’t he ever tell me to get the rusty pliars??

He just tells me to “hang in there.”Oh, back to my Mom… She has 22 grandkids. This is her with the latest:HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

May 9, 2014
Spring Cleansing and Fumigation

I’ve heard that we are only prescribed challenges tailored to fit our deficiencies. I don’t really have any deficiencies so I’ve just been row-row-rowing my boat, gently down the stream.

But poor Jen spent the week hunting for bedbugs (that’s what she gets for�going to Turkey) that turned out to be fleas.�

It took six flea-bombs and one hijab to properly fumigate.Doesn’t Henry look ashamed?

Doesn’t Jen’s forehead look youthful?? I photoshop-botoxed it! AND saved her $200.

She’ll thank me later.

While she was busy meeting her prescribed challenge (I pray that she learned her lesson),�*I*�was busy nobly accepting rejections for The Book.Eight rejections so far… twelve still unresponsive. But don’t worry about me, I LOVE waiting, and see rejection as an opportunity to grow as a person.

SPEAKING OF MOTHER’S DAY, here’s a new card:

May 3, 2014
Rage-Filled Kitten Eats Dead Master’s Face

Is that a true story??They wouldn’t print it if it wasn’t true.

Sally Struthers says that for about four dollars, you can buy a Starbucks Caff� Latte Venti… In the�Zeichen Press Shop, for just four dollars a day, you can bring laughter to someone who may or may not have been laughing.�

The choice is yours.

NOW, visit the shop to see our new release for Spring! You can buy the rage-filled kitten, the generous old woman,

my kind of tea party,

and so much more!

April 27, 2014
Farewell, Old Cards

Jen made me pull six cards from our line.

APPARENTLY, “they don’t sell” and don’t “make any money”.

But since when can you put a price tag�on greeting cards??

Here are the cards, you can buy them from�the shop�until they are gone forever.

FOREVER.This card was also on the list, but I refused to pull it because I’m not afraid of her.

April 18, 2014
The Answer to Life the Universe and Everything

I turned 42 (wtf?) yesterday, received 18 drinking glasses, a scallop taco from�Sea Salt, and this:BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, I sent 20 little book samples to�my agent…So now he can go pitch them to 20 publishers.

I imagine his conversations go something like this:

Peter: Here’s a new little adult picture book by Fran Shea, owner of Zeichen Press in Minneapolis, maker of cards for people that like laughing.

Publisher Person: Let me put my eyeballs back in my sockets and write you a check for $1,000,000.

Peter: Very good.

END SCENE.

Oh, I also made a new Easter card. Don’t send me hate email like you did for my zombie Easter card. Jesus loves me, this I know for the bible tells me so.

April 13, 2014
Behind the Gate AND a New Book Title

Jen’s back!

Thank God.

She said she “missed ZP soooo much!”

ZP missed her too! To show her just how much, this rabbit (mascot) sacrificed and froze himself to the ground�right in front�of the gate she walks through to enter the ZP Headquarters.ALSO, I wrote/designed a new cover for my book… Kara is busily drawing pictures while I bark directions at her. I’m sure she’s already made a voodoo doll of me.

I don’t blame her a bit.

April 1, 2014

Vultures and Wood Type and Birthdays

I won’t even speak of the weather BECAUSE IT’S UNSPEAKABLE.

You can’t break me,�Weather.

You’ll never break me.

Everyone knows that the only cure for the cold is wood type. And alcohol.�

Jen and I have been having a debate about the next birthday card. And by debate, I mean she is, like, “I don’t care.” Doesn’t she know the dangers of�Not Caring??

ANYWAY, here’s the card. BTW, that’s a vulture, waiting for you to die.

April 22, 2015
Merry Franmas!

Whew!�This birthday was a doozy!

Yes, we played 221B Baker Street.YES,�we ate ham & swiss sandwiches.

Here’s a new birthday card…�that girl and pig look familiar…

April 13, 2015
Garbage Uncovered In the Backyard and Other Signs of Spring

Oh,�another�Spring is here!

Should I have photographically documented the first card printed for our Spring Release?

Probably.

But I was pretty busy having a Nurse Jackie marathon.

I DID write/design these:See how I give and give and give??

April 7, 2015
Childhood/Parenthood

Growing up one block South of Lake Calhoun in the 1970’s meant two things:

1) Over-charging for watered-down Kool-Aid on the boulevard

2) Wearing a neighbor’s pilly-bottomed blue leotard for a swimsuitLike little ducklings, we’d follow�my mom down the block for a day at Thomas Beach; she’d stand ankle-deep in the water, hands on hips, plotting. And staring at the only skyscraper in the Minneapolis skyline.

March 28, 2015
Out Like An Impolite Lamb

Just when I thought it was safe to burn my foot-shaped Smartwool socks, Spring decided to retreat.At least I have feet.

Am I right?? Although, I’d be grateful for stump-shaped Smartwool socks.

I WOULD.

Here’s a card:Oh, and Jen and I chose the cards for The Spring Release!

March 21, 2015
Selling Out

WHAT??

Who am I to deprive the masses of their Zeichen Press cards??

Zeichen Press “art” was “punched up”, PDF’s were emailed to art licensing companies, and virtual hugs and kisses were exchanged. Look (soon) for some of our cards (NOT letterpress printed) in Big Box stores across the country.

And by�look, I mean�buy.

IF�you don’t have some cute independent store near you. OR if you don’t care about letterpress printing. OR if you refuse to�shop in our store. OR you are already buying a stroller and paper towels and light bulbs and ground beef and toilet paper and shampoo.

A teaser:

March 15, 2015
Countdown or Tally

Is Spring�really�here?

Not sure…

Let’s pretend it is. Let’s let me live in a world filled with hope! My obsessive weather-tracking (hourly checking my weather app) has proven to be successful.

It won’t be long before smartwool�socks are shed and (my) legs are shorn.

Stay tuned…

Here are a couple cards I made instead of penning a suicide note.

(Graduation)(Encouragement)

March 8, 2015
Same (expletive), Same Day

As I said goodbye to yet another kitten from our cat ranch,I thought to myself, “I bet this is exactly how Beyonc� feels when she drops an album.” And then I thought,�“My skin is so dry.”

I wish I could travel back in time… back to the 1970’s when there were environmental chambers built into the walls of health club locker rooms… (I think this is a real memory and that I’m not just pasting a false memory on top of a traumatic childhood locker room incident… those topless moms blow-drying their hair… Wait, am I?? Omg… Beep beep boop: Tropical Rainforest?? Yes, please!)

NO MATTER, here’s a new card!

February 27, 2015
No Surprise!

Some things�are�predictable – and thank goodness! It’s important to have things to count on… runny noses in February, militant-radical beheadings, and birthdays.The kittens just stole the strand of toilet paper that I was using to wipe my runny nose… ISIS militants cover their faces in black balaclavas… and I write birthday cards.

OH, LIFE.

February 20, 2015
Send Cheese

My grandpa’s battleship was bombed and he had to tread water for 13 hours WHILE he kept his unconscious buddy afloat.�That was just like the time in 2009 that I swam out to meet the seal.

SPEAKING OF TREADING WATER.

It’s mid-February in Minnesota.

February 15, 2015