Zeichen Press – Page 10 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Swine Flu and the Fish Pond

We had a special guest for TWO WHOLE WEEKS! : The Swine Flu�aka:H1N1�That’s just what we needed to shake things up�around here! Oh, and nothing brings a family together like contagious disease. I mean it. I barely notice my kids unless their eyes get glassy and they vomit on my bedroom floor. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, a nosebleed will get my attention -and so will a 2 am phone call from the Edina Police. Oh, kids!

I heard that “scientists” are working on some sort of “immunization” for this particular version of the flu. They can just inject themselves with their magic potion. I’m not standing in line at the Walgreens with a bunch of clammy people. Anyway, I discovered the cure: 100 episodes of Malcom in the Middle�and lots of popsicles. When The Plague finally, and politely, exited our home – I felt that I needed another challenge:

The�Fish Pond at St. Helena’s:

Of course!�Everyone knows what a daredevil I am – I just couldn’t say no to Jen’s (repeated) requests to “volunteer.”� I don’t regret a moment. In fact, I’m pretty sure that my time in Purgatory is reduced by exactly the same amount of hours that I spent in that claustrophobic booth. That’s five hours, God. Should I go on and on about the ROOM & BOARD project I’m working on?�21 down, only 279 to go!�I love you, grayish-brownish-not-quite-taupe-ish-sort-of-smog-ish ink.

September 23, 2009
Would You Rather…?

Vomit blood for a week or have a nail gun misfire so that the nail pierces your eyeball?*

WHICH ONE DO YOU CHOOSE?!

Maybe I’d choose the vomiting… I hear the ICU is like staying in a fancy hotel.�You see? Life is about choices. Or wait… is it about rolling with the punches?�Having your eye sewn shut is worse than getting punched – Maybe life is about getting your nail-pierced-eyeball sewn shut.

Yes. That sounds about right.

��

* These events are true and happened to two men that I know. Both named Ben.

September 7, 2009
Psycho Suzie’s and the Fu Manchu

I can’t wait to turn 40.

Jen did it and she got a Fu Manchu AND pickles. It was a very special evening – one she will never remember.

See how the Fu Manchu put her under his spell? Isn’t he cunning? Poor Jen, she never had a chance.

September 3, 2009
Best In Show

I was always jealous of those farm kids at the State Fair. Barefoot and confident, covered in dust � their coveralls did indeed coverall, catching every drip of ice cream, every drop of grease. I imagined that they slept right on the hay bales that penned off their milking goats – what a life!

Their blue-ribbon proudly pinned for all the Fair-Goers to see.�And�The City Kids lined up to milk�their�goats!�Why can’t I have a goat? Why can’t I run around the fair barefoot � ringworm be damned!�

I guess�that DIY story�is coming together � one of the writers called me on my telephone… I kept telling her everything was “off the record” – she seemed confused. I can’t just open myself up to the public.� They did ask me to create Headlines for the other “Best In Show” categories. I wanted to do them in macaroni but they reminded me that I own a design and�letterpress�studio – not a design and macaroni�studio. Now I feel like a missed the boat on that concept.

Here are some of the headlines they asked for:

Oh, they also wanted some blue ribbons:

August 15, 2009
Sankyou Panko Japanese Style Breading (box)

“How can we be expected to teach children to read when they can’t even fit inside the building?”-Derek Zoolander

It turns out that Panko Japanese Style�Breading boxes are the perfect size for my Press (kit) Boxes! It’s true. Now my family will enjoy breaded EVERYTHING for the next two weeks.

Breaded meat, breaded not-meat, breaded bread… YUMMY. � �

The boxes have been turned inside-out, printed on, and stuffed with a variety of cards. I might sprinkle extra breading in for packing… We’ll see. I’d say that I’m sending them to my favorite magazines but that’s not entirely true.

Bass Master, Muslim Girl, and Quick Quilts didn’t make the cut.

Who did?

Oprah and Martha. And others. I think Oprah and Martha should combine forces, the masses would kneel before them.

August 12, 2009
Chanukah and the Beach

Back on the Cape (Cod) again. I spent a restless night out in the barn. Maybe it was the vinyl covered futon OR my teenager’s shenanigans OR the twin mosquitos that took turns attacking me. I just don’t know – I just don’t know why my uncomfortable evening produced this:

(Inside: God bless you.)

August 6, 2009

Vicarious Living

When�Pam�(our New England rep) calls me, I have to think for a second…�Is this Classic Pam the Cat calling me from beyond the grave?�But no, that would be silly! Classic Pam is too busy.Pam spent last week at the�Javits center in New York, I think because she loves us.

We love you too, Pam.

She is faxing orders over willy-nilly and I am busily taking pictures of kittens.

(She’ll thank me later.)

February 6, 2015
We want to be more than just friends with: Spruce & Gussy

Spruce & Gussy -> 12 Mount Desert St. Bar Harbor, Maine

ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

Alright, put on your mukluks, shove a wedge of chewing tobacky�between your cheek and gum, and head Northeast.

**Weather Update: New England was CRIPPLED by, like, three feet of snow the other day. BUT BAR HARBOR DON’T CARE. They took it like a man. A man who is not wearing his orange jumpsuit.

WHAT?!

When (not IF) I get to Bar Harbor, I will make but one stop:�Spruce & Gussy.

Shopping for all of my small-box items will be dreamy…

Look for me, Michelle & Patti.

Look for me and my new friend, Bob Ross.

January 29, 2015
Two-timing Zeichen Press, AGAIN

This�time, I’m two-timing Zeichen Press with The Book.

(Remember when I two-timed Zeichen Press with Tanek, and I made those paper dolls??)

OMG, good times!

Now I’m spending my waking hours wrangling kittensand working on the book. Here’s a teaser:PUT YOUR GLASSES ON.

Still blurry??�Wink.

January 20, 2015
Brrrrrr, Pause, Brrrrrr

I shed my layers this week and exposed my sun damaged, yet somehow pale, flesh to anyone unfortunate enough to glance over at me.

Sun was absorbed, golf carts were driven, and books were begun.THAT’S RIGHT.

Golf carts were driven.

January 11, 2015
Case CLOSED (?)

There were TWO mysteries at Zeichen Press HQ this week. I prayed and prayed to Benedict Cumberbatch,and my prayers were sort of answered, because Jen came to search/tear the house apart.

FIRST, one of the five kittens was missing.Tib had means AND motive. She was questioned and released.Poor Tib… We accused her of eating her weakest kitten. (True story.)The kitten was later found, unharmed.

Sorry Tib.

But what was the second mystery, Fran??

HUSH, it will be explained in my Tell-All book, coming soon!

January 6, 2015
Winter Intermission

OR to use a term I (maybe) coined:

Wintermission!

I’ve been enjoying hour after hour of�On Hold Musicand eating all of the Holiday Cookies.

Oh, AND setting up a�GoFundMe for Tib The Cat. (Donate today to be eligible for one free kitten. Please. I beg of you.)—

AND HERE’S A BREAK-UP CARD.�I’m a giver.

December 30, 2014
The Perfect Time

Thanks to buzzfeed quizzes, examining my conscience is so much easier. And shouldn’t we all ask ourselves those tough questions this time of year?�”If I were a pizza, what kind would I be?” Or, “Do I prefer Miley Cyrus from her Hanna Montana days or on a Wrecking Ball?”�

But what is a life if it’s not examined? Not picked apart? Not squeezed like an engorged tick in a ziplock baggie?

I make cards between all of this productive introspection. Sometimes fictional creatures are harmed. Sometimes, they are spared.Merry Christmas Eve-Eve!

December 23, 2014
Out With the Old

I designed the�Tanek website�some dog years ago — it’s time for something fresh and tasty.

Landing page = done.More to come…

December 22, 2014
Christmas Future

My agent wants a second book, he assures me that he’ll sell this one. He better, because I bought a $95 rug from Target.�We’re not all fancy New Yorkers, Peter. WE’RE NOT.

So, it looks like this Winter will look just like last Winter… Except, I had the kids drag the trunk down from the attic for a coffee table.Oh, the cats? Never mind those. This place is crawling with them.Fine, here’s this year’s Christmas tree.

December 12, 2014
Tomorrow’s Forecast: 100% Chance of Shopping

Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping??

Amazon?�

Shut your mouth.

Let me be more specific. LET ME.

Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping for amazing hand-made gifts while laughing with friends and/or family, eating ethnically diverse foods, AND SEE FRAN AND JEN??

THE NO COAST CRAFT-O-RAMA!!
Omg…�that’s TOMORROW! Oh,�THAT’S�what Jen has been talking about! And�THAT’S�what these boxes are for!

See you there!

XO!

December 4, 2014