Zeichen Press – Page 12 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Swine Flu and the Fish Pond

We had a special guest for TWO WHOLE WEEKS! : The Swine Flu�aka:H1N1�That’s just what we needed to shake things up�around here! Oh, and nothing brings a family together like contagious disease. I mean it. I barely notice my kids unless their eyes get glassy and they vomit on my bedroom floor. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, a nosebleed will get my attention -and so will a 2 am phone call from the Edina Police. Oh, kids!

I heard that “scientists” are working on some sort of “immunization” for this particular version of the flu. They can just inject themselves with their magic potion. I’m not standing in line at the Walgreens with a bunch of clammy people. Anyway, I discovered the cure: 100 episodes of Malcom in the Middle�and lots of popsicles. When The Plague finally, and politely, exited our home – I felt that I needed another challenge:

The�Fish Pond at St. Helena’s:

Of course!�Everyone knows what a daredevil I am – I just couldn’t say no to Jen’s (repeated) requests to “volunteer.”� I don’t regret a moment. In fact, I’m pretty sure that my time in Purgatory is reduced by exactly the same amount of hours that I spent in that claustrophobic booth. That’s five hours, God. Should I go on and on about the ROOM & BOARD project I’m working on?�21 down, only 279 to go!�I love you, grayish-brownish-not-quite-taupe-ish-sort-of-smog-ish ink.

September 23, 2009
Would You Rather…?

Vomit blood for a week or have a nail gun misfire so that the nail pierces your eyeball?*

WHICH ONE DO YOU CHOOSE?!

Maybe I’d choose the vomiting… I hear the ICU is like staying in a fancy hotel.�You see? Life is about choices. Or wait… is it about rolling with the punches?�Having your eye sewn shut is worse than getting punched – Maybe life is about getting your nail-pierced-eyeball sewn shut.

Yes. That sounds about right.

��

* These events are true and happened to two men that I know. Both named Ben.

September 7, 2009
Psycho Suzie’s and the Fu Manchu

I can’t wait to turn 40.

Jen did it and she got a Fu Manchu AND pickles. It was a very special evening – one she will never remember.

See how the Fu Manchu put her under his spell? Isn’t he cunning? Poor Jen, she never had a chance.

September 3, 2009
Best In Show

I was always jealous of those farm kids at the State Fair. Barefoot and confident, covered in dust � their coveralls did indeed coverall, catching every drip of ice cream, every drop of grease. I imagined that they slept right on the hay bales that penned off their milking goats – what a life!

Their blue-ribbon proudly pinned for all the Fair-Goers to see.�And�The City Kids lined up to milk�their�goats!�Why can’t I have a goat? Why can’t I run around the fair barefoot � ringworm be damned!�

I guess�that DIY story�is coming together � one of the writers called me on my telephone… I kept telling her everything was “off the record” – she seemed confused. I can’t just open myself up to the public.� They did ask me to create Headlines for the other “Best In Show” categories. I wanted to do them in macaroni but they reminded me that I own a design and�letterpress�studio – not a design and macaroni�studio. Now I feel like a missed the boat on that concept.

Here are some of the headlines they asked for:

Oh, they also wanted some blue ribbons:

August 15, 2009
Sankyou Panko Japanese Style Breading (box)

“How can we be expected to teach children to read when they can’t even fit inside the building?”-Derek Zoolander

It turns out that Panko Japanese Style�Breading boxes are the perfect size for my Press (kit) Boxes! It’s true. Now my family will enjoy breaded EVERYTHING for the next two weeks.

Breaded meat, breaded not-meat, breaded bread… YUMMY. � �

The boxes have been turned inside-out, printed on, and stuffed with a variety of cards. I might sprinkle extra breading in for packing… We’ll see. I’d say that I’m sending them to my favorite magazines but that’s not entirely true.

Bass Master, Muslim Girl, and Quick Quilts didn’t make the cut.

Who did?

Oprah and Martha. And others. I think Oprah and Martha should combine forces, the masses would kneel before them.

August 12, 2009
Chanukah and the Beach

Back on the Cape (Cod) again. I spent a restless night out in the barn. Maybe it was the vinyl covered futon OR my teenager’s shenanigans OR the twin mosquitos that took turns attacking me. I just don’t know – I just don’t know why my uncomfortable evening produced this:

(Inside: God bless you.)

August 6, 2009

Pantone 801 Uncoated Period (Periodo Azul)

Remember how I promised that when my painkillers wore off, I’d make a card based on�The Lung Collapsing Event? It turns out that I only needed them for a couple of days and flushed the rest�~ DON’T GET ANY IDEAS ~�and then I made this breakup card:

September 28, 2014
#AmericanMadeMSL AND The Land of Counterpane

Recovering from a collapsed lung is the perfect time to learn all about hashtags.

Thank you, lung!

I obsessively�tweeted�and nagged everyone on�Facebook. I’M SORRY EVERYONE.

Wait,�#HelpMe.

It’s been a�trending/not-trending�rollercoaster-week for Zeichen Press…YOU MUST REALLY BE SUFFERING!

But may the�best (wo)man (named Fran and Jen)�win.�Did I mention that you have to vote 6x every day through October 13th?�And did I mention that my doctor told me that my other lung will collapse if we don’t win??

PS: I made a new Mother’s Day card…

September 26, 2014
Voting is a Good Thing

Running for student council vice president of my Freshman class was so stressful! Our platform was twofold:

1) Instruct � and therefore unify � our class via a comprehensive Class Cheer: “Nine-tee! Nine-tee! Ninetyninetyninety nine-tee!!! YAYYYY!!”

2) Oh, I guess it was only a onefold platform…

NEEDLESS TO SAY, votes were cast, and I won. It was a real nail-biter.

SPEAKING OF VOTING, you can finally start�voting for Zeichen Press here!

And you can (and should!!) vote 6x per day! SIX TIMES. PER DAY.

September 15, 2014
Attack of the Spontaneous Pneumothorax!

Yikes! That sounds scary!

Lungs are not�supposed�to collapse, but that’s what makes life so exciting! Sunday mornings could be all jejune French toast and bacon, OR they could be all ambulance and emergency surgery.(I was just as stoic as the�woman in the above illustration while they performed�my�surgery. Eyes wide open, no tears.)

Life is so full of twists and turns!

There is nothing like having your very own chest tube � my aunt said it was my friend. And indeed it was! My little friend with a one-way valve who caused me nothing but suffering. After just two days, the doctor pulled my friend out of my chest � and again, like the woman in the illustration: I was stoic, with eyes wide open and no tears.

I’ll write a card about this as soon as my painkillers wear off.

September 10, 2014
We want to be more than just friends with: Portobello Road and Rags

Portobello Road and Rags�-> 4 Dock Street Edgartown, Martha’s Vineyard, MA

ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

Great. Now I�HAVE�to go to Martha’s Vineyard.But I’ll do it for you, reader, because I’m a giver. A GIVER.

Will residents of Martha’s Vineyard embrace Zeichen Press cards? Will they clutch them to their breast while weeping�tears of joy and relief?? WILL THEY??

Oh, Carly Simon! Let�us both�wear our overalls, place one of our feet delicately upon a fieldstone wall, and laugh and laugh while we read Zeichen Press cards that we (you) bought�from Portobello Road!

Yes, LET’S.

September 6, 2014
American Made… FINALIST!

Zeichen Press is a finalist for Martha Stewart’s American Made contest.�

YOU HEARD ME.

The Grand Prize is $10,000 and Martha legally adopting the winner. Alexis is so tired of being an only child. Remember when I told you to SHARE the�American Made�Zeichen�Press�page�on Facebook and twitter??

WHY?

BECAUSE I’M ACTIVATING MY SOCIAL NETWORK TO EARN A FINALIST SPOT!H elp!

And don’t worry, I’ll be harassing you on Sept 15th to vote for us…

Here’s the script they gave me: The judges have named me a 2014 @AmericanMadeMSL Awards finalist. Support & share my work to get involved! #celebratethemaker

September 1, 2014
American Made!

We make things!

We live in America!�

“American Made�spotlights the maker, supports the local, and celebrates the handmade. The program is made up of people and communities that have turned their passion for quality craftsmanship and well-designed goods into a way of life.”

A WAY OF LIFE.

BAM.

In order for Martha to notice Zeichen Press�(umm, she should really just ask Alexis about us)�YOU need to SHARE our American Made nomination page with all of your Facebook friends and twitter followers:

� Step one: Click this�link.

� Step two: Scroll down a teensy bit on that page.

� Step three: Click button that looks like this:(WARNING: The above image IS NOT AN ACTUAL BUTTON, MOM)

� Step four: Follow instructions.

PS: I love you.

PPS: Deadline is Friday! NO BIG DEAL.

August 27, 2014
Ode to Jen

Merry Jenmas, everyone!

MY dog must have been confused, she left birthday presents�for Jen�on my living room floor last night?�Oh, Millie…

Thomas Edison’s quote is so true: Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent spray bleach.

August 26, 2014
Adi�s Diablo

I had a pretty big realization when I was 23. This revelation came as I was drifting off to sleep and caused me to sit straight up in bed.

CRUELLA DE VIL = CRUEL DEVIL!!!How could I have been so blind for so long?!

No matter. Here’s a card.

August 23, 2014
Oh, that old saying!

You know what I’m talking about??

Read the card out loud for full effect.

August 14, 2014