• TOPLESS WOMAN MOLESTED BY LOCAL SEAL

    Wellfleet, Massachusetts

    A Minneapolis woman dove into the icy Atlantic Monday morning in an attempt to “meet a seal”.
    Assuring onlookers that the attempt was an “act of diplomacy” she swam a distance of approximately 50 yards using a stroke known as the Dog-Paddle. She met the 350 pound Harbor Seal unaware that the top of her two-piece bathing swimsuit had become untied and dropped to her waist. The woman is reported to have said that the seal reacted to the introduction like “some sort of wild animal” … “His flippers were all over me.”

    July 22, 2009

  • Fran gets new glasses!

    Observe this medical marvel:fran-with-new-glasses-and-l1-450x337

    July 13, 2009

  • David Hasselhoff, Jerry Lewis, Zeichen Press

    The closest I’ve been to Australia is the Victoria’s Filet at the Outback Steakhouse in Blaine, MN (pop: 44,942). I’m not sure who to thank for introducing Zeichen Press to our Australian cousins. Maybe Ampersand Duck had something to do with it or maybe it was my grassroots advertising campaign. I stuffed (but first I drank) 1000 bottles of wine with Zeichen Press Cards and threw them into the Atlantic Ocean.

    Maybe one washed up on the shores of Melbourne because this showed up in their newspaper:sunday-age-450x277

    Our CanCards are their Object of Desire. Thank you, Australia.

    Someday I will visit you. And your kangaroos. And your boomerangs.

    July 10, 2009

  • Seven Pounds is the name of the movie not the weight of my head

    About a jillion years ago, I was contacted by some Hollywood set designer – she wanted to know if I had extra letterpress “JUNK JUNK JUNK” for a new movie starring Rosario Dawson and Will Smith. Wait. What?! Trembling, I clutched my Fresh Prince of Bel Air collection to my chest and replied, “Oh, that’s cool. Yeah, I could Fed Ex some stuff to you guys – I won’t charge extra for the dust.” (Followed by cool and knowing laughter). What a comfortable rapport! I was talking TO Hollywood. Maybe they’d ask me to audition for the movie! The movie… Maybe Rosario Dawson needed an understudy… or a body double?

    rosario-dawson-450x345

    We could be twins!judy-gets-a-bath

    I asked the set designer when they’d like to fly me out, explaining that my schedule was flexible enough to accommodate movie- shoots, sightseeing, and pool-parties. She told me she’d have her people call my people.

    ANYWAY, it turns out they were able to pull the set together without my JUNK JUNK JUNK and Rosario politely declined my offer — we’re still totally friends

    …So I finally watched The Movie last night. Ummm, Will Smith can fix my press anytime. Is that my review? Is that all I have to say? … Uhh, Rosario was convincingly ill and I bawled like a baby. There. Happy?? OH, and the garage-studio was super cute and perfect.

    PS: Strangely, Rosario’s character ALSO nicknamed her press The Beast. What?! c-and-p-shop-2012

    June 24, 2009

  • 96°

    I’m dripping with sweat. I’m marinating in sweat – the shop has got to be 100° . My head feels fuzzy… and my hands (are those my hands?) are leaving sweat-finger-prints on all the paper that I’m cutting.

    Wait, I smell barbecue chicken! Wait, maybe I’m on fire…. False alarm. It’s really chicken.

    So, I’m cutting paper in my bathing suit. I feel like I’m wearing a snowsuit in a sauna.

    I love summer. I’m not even kidding.

    June 23, 2009

  • Wanamingo

    My kitchen faucet broke (again) and as I crouched on the patio with the garden hose and plastic scrubby, my mind wandered to faraway lands. Specifically, Wanamingo, Minnesota. Oh, Wanamingo! Has anyone written an ode to thee? I was in Wanamingo today and overheard this “conversation” between a mother and child at the 60 Stop Gas Station:

    Child: “I  want eggs for breakfast.”

    Mother: ” You can’t get everything you want. I wanted flowers for Mother’s Day and I got nuthin’!”

    Oh, well. The REAL Wanamingo is full of chickens, barn cats, fictional alpacas and acres of hard-working folks that build chicken coops and excavate pig cemeteries – just for fun. These people walk around with just a hint of a smile, a smile that says, “I chop the logs to heat my house. I know how to grow potatoes. I know the difference between bush beans and pole beans.”

    They also spend the Winter trying not to recreate a scene from The Shining.

    I’M JUST SAYING.

    Okay, so maybe I don’t have what it takes to step off the grid and live like Ma Kettle. Maybe the closest I get to feeling the heartland is living with a broken faucet. Fetching water for cooking makes me feel like a barbarian.

    In between all my water fetching I made this :

    Cafe-Greeting-Cards-business-card-red-&-black

    It’s gonna be BIG people.

    BIG.

    June 13, 2009
←Previous Page
1 … 67 68 69 70 71 … 79
Next Page→

  • Vicarious Living

    When Pam (our New England rep) calls me, I have to think for a second… Is this Classic Pam the Cat calling me from beyond the grave? pam staringBut no, that would be silly! Classic Pam is too busy.*heaven is a castlePam spent last week at the Javits center in New York, I think because she loves us.

    We love you too, Pam.

    She is faxing orders over willy-nilly and I am busily taking pictures of kittens.

    (She’ll thank me later.)kittens white chair 2015

    February 6, 2015

  • We want to be more than just friends with: Spruce & Gussy

    Spruce & Gussy -> 12 Mount Desert St. Bar Harbor, Maine

    ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

    Alright, put on your mukluks, shove a wedge of chewing tobacky between your cheek and gum, and head Northeast.
    **Weather Update: New England was CRIPPLED by, like, three feet of snow the other day. BUT BAR HARBOR DON’T CARE. They took it like a man. A man who is not wearing his orange jumpsuit.
    WHAT?!
    When (not IF) I get to Bar Harbor, I will make but one stop: Spruce & Gussy.
    Shopping for all of my small-box items will be dreamy…I SEE YOU.spruce and gussy

    Look for me, Michelle & Patti.
    Look for me and my new friend, Bob Ross.bob ross
    January 29, 2015

  • Two-timing Zeichen Press, AGAIN

    This time, I’m two-timing Zeichen Press with The Book.

    (Remember when I two-timed Zeichen Press with Tanek, and I made those paper dolls??)tanek paper doll inside card

    OMG, good times!

    Now I’m spending my waking hours wrangling kittenskitten 2015and working on the book. Here’s a teaser:ch 2 grab beatrice.blurPUT YOUR GLASSES ON.

    Still blurry?? Wink.

    January 20, 2015

  • Brrrrrr, Pause, Brrrrrr

    I shed my layers this week and exposed my sun damaged, yet somehow pale, flesh to anyone unfortunate enough to glance over at me.fran winter 2015

    fran katie liz naples 2015

    Sun was absorbed, golf carts were driven, and books were begun.new gangster coverTHAT’S RIGHT.

    Golf carts were driven.

    January 11, 2015

  • Case CLOSED (?)

    There were TWO mysteries at Zeichen Press HQ this week. I prayed and prayed to Benedict Cumberbatch,benedict cumberbatchand my prayers were sort of answered, because Jen came to search/tear the house apart.

    FIRST, one of the five kittens was missing.Tib and Christmas kittensTib had means AND motive. She was questioned and released.tib mugshotPoor Tib… We accused her of eating her weakest kitten. (True story.)the strong would surviveThe kitten was later found, unharmed.

    Sorry Tib.

    But what was the second mystery, Fran??

    HUSH, it will be explained in my Tell-All book, coming soon!

    January 6, 2015

  • Winter Intermission

    OR to use a term I (maybe) coined:

    Wintermission!

    I’ve been enjoying hour after hour of On Hold Musickenny gand eating all of the Holiday Cookies.

    Oh, AND setting up a GoFundMe for Tib The Cat. (Donate today to be eligible for one free kitten. Please. I beg of you.)fixing tib—

    AND HERE’S A BREAK-UP CARD. I’m a giver.

    toxic-and-spineless-2

    December 30, 2014

  • The Perfect Time

    Thanks to buzzfeed quizzes, examining my conscience is so much easier. And shouldn’t we all ask ourselves those tough questions this time of year? ”If I were a pizza, what kind would I be?” Or, “Do I prefer Miley Cyrus from her Hanna Montana days or on a Wrecking Ball?” 

    But what is a life if it’s not examined? Not picked apart? Not squeezed like an engorged tick in a ziplock baggie?

    tick

    I make cards between all of this productive introspection. Sometimes fictional creatures are harmed. Sometimes, they are spared.*getting oldMerry Christmas Eve-Eve!

    December 23, 2014

  • Out With the Old

    I designed the Tanek website some dog years ago — it’s time for something fresh and tasty.

    Landing page = done.tanek. index page.harvestor grabMore to come…

    December 22, 2014

  • Christmas Future

    My agent wants a second book, he assures me that he’ll sell this one. He better, because I bought a $95 rug from Target. We’re not all fancy New Yorkers, Peter. WE’RE NOT.

    So, it looks like this Winter will look just like last Winter… Except, I had the kids drag the trunk down from the attic for a coffee table.Dinah drinks from a glassOh, the cats? Never mind those. This place is crawling with them.christmas tree 2014*BETTER DAYS AHEADFine, here’s this year’s Christmas tree.

    December 12, 2014

  • Tomorrow’s Forecast: 100% Chance of Shopping

    Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping??

    Amazon? 

    Shut your mouth.

    Let me be more specific. LET ME.

    Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping for amazing hand-made gifts while laughing with friends and/or family, eating ethnically diverse foods, AND SEE FRAN AND JEN??

    THE NO COAST CRAFT-O-RAMA!!no coast banner 2014
    Omg… that’s TOMORROW! Oh, THAT’S what Jen has been talking about! And THAT’S what these boxes are for!boxes for no coast 2014

    more boxes for no coast show 2014See you there!

    XO!

    December 4, 2014
←Previous Page
1 … 8 9 10 11 12 … 48
Next Page→

Notifications