Zeichen Press – Page 34 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Where’s my unpaid intern?

WHERE??? If I have to work on this�catalog layout for�10 more seconds I’m going to quit my job. I will instantly rehire myself just so I can quit again. This could go on for days. Of COURSE I couldn’t just work with the catalog copy �in Adobe InDesign – I HAD to use a WWII era typewriter. A Smith-Corona Skyriter to type in each individual bit of information about all 100 products.�What is wrong with me?

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I actually�cheated�in “keyboarding I AND II” in high school. Don’t ask me how. DON’T ASK ME.�

Jen is just dying to say, “I told you so.” Just shut up, Jen. Why must �you take the place of my underdeveloped sensibilities?

January 8, 2009
Waist-deep snow

Day Two. ��Snow fell through the night and drifted into the passage. The women and children are weaker today. Kenneth is ailing and must be dragged on a make-shift sledge. Robert appears to be delusional and only can speak of thick-cut bacon and death metal. The dogs are starting to look delicious, especially the fluffy one. We are, most certainly, in a predicament.

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Um, here’s a new card – inspired by the men, women, and children that ventured West .

The Donner (Birthday) Party

January 4, 2009
I’ll tell you what

Uh. December is, like, over. I don’t even care. Good riddance you ungrateful pig. You think you’re so great with your Christmas and your Hanukkah and your Britney Spears’ birthday. I’ve had it. I think we all have. Even with all of these Feast Days I managed to squeeze in our long-awaited catalog creation. And don’t think I forgot about my�25-birthday-cards. Self-imposed deadlines are the only way to get anything done. You know what else works? Pretending someone is going to kill you if you don’t get something done. SO, I scrounged up some images and wrote some lines. Yeah, yeah – I’ve not set the type or done layouts or pulled any proofs – mere formalities. And anyway, my shop elves will do it while I’m ringing in the New Year in lovely Brainerd, Minnesota. Here are a few images/lines – they’ll be 15% funnier after I’ve had my way with them. And another thing: they’re not all birthday cards. I’m not some sort of one-trick pony.

You make this, you live.

Good luck.

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Shhhh. Nobody’ll even notice us.

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Eh? What’s that? Whose birthday? Who are you? Get out of my room.

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��Happy Birthday, you tool.

…and in conclusion – quit calling me a pussy.

Sincerely,

Pevenshire Wiffynuts

x=get me the f*ck out of here.

Congratulations.

I said, CONGRATULATIONS!

If you’re old enough to remember this game
you are probably sitting in your own urine.

Thanks for coming to my birthday party, my tiny friends.

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Alright, that’ll do. I’ll post more after the elves work it out. Oh, and if you see a woman running around Brainerd in giant underpants and Sorel Boots it’s not me. Happy New Year!!!

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December 31, 2008
No-Coast and a stock pot

Good Lord, what a day! I got up at the crack o’ eight – Jen picked me up and brought me to the MidTown Market to hawk our goods. It was the No-Coast Craft-o-Rama! We were pretty much SiameseTwins – due to my crippling Math Anxiety, I can’t be left alone to make change for a twenty. I welcome your prayers. I smiled lots and said, “four�dollars” or “five�dollars” whenever I felt like it. Sometimes it was in response to a customer’s question. Here are some customers: notice their intense cheerfulness:

I did manage to step away from our table to find a crinkly cat bag for My Mother-in-Law. She’s gonna frickin’ love it. Those cats are gonna thank me by walking by me and not noticing I exist. It’ll be one awesome Christmas.

…Fast forward, like, eight hours and I found myself at a delightful Holiday Party. I think it was in Plymouth. Anyway, the halls were decked, the booze was flowing. The booze was flowing. In retrospect, I don’t think it all wanted to be in�my�body. I’m not sure why, at the time, I thought it did want to be in there. And honestly, there wasn’t a lot of �room, what with all the�spanakopita�. I was planning on giving it all up in a stock pot that Katie generously donated to the car. I felt the love. I did make it home, with a clean stock pot, and Kenny dumped me into bed. He was like a hunter and I was like a deer carcass. The bed was the pick-up truck. It was so much fun. I dragged my sorry arse out of bed this morning to for churching. The stock pot is a symbol of one woman’s redemption. So much can happen in a day.

PS: Did you know that 80’s glasses are back in style?? You crazy kids!

December 7, 2008
SO. MANY. WORDS.

Three 10″x15″ iron chases locked up with�Touchpoint�Buzzwords. Buzzwords and some other random cuts from the ZP collection – including a chunk from a newspaper insert advertising handy items for the ladies: A rubber-lined shopping bag available in gay plaids, a multi-tiered clothes hanger, a cap to protect the hairdo. What I wouldn’t give to have those items. My drab, rain-soaked groceries… My closet, crammed full! How could I be hanging my clothes on ONE plane? My hair, My God, my hair… I don’t even know where to start. I get a “do” and leave it�completely�unprotected. It’s like I don’t even care! Oh. Back to the Touchpoint Holiday Card/Disc Sleeve. It’s super sweet:

December 3, 2008
SO. MANY. WORDS.

�Three 10″x15″ iron chases locked up with Touchpoint Buzzwords. Buzzwords and some other random cuts from the ZP collection – including a chunk from a newspaper insert advertising handy items for the ladies: A rubber-lined shopping bag available in gay plaids, a multi-tiered clothes hanger, a cap to protect the hairdo.

What I wouldn’t give to have those items. My drab, rain-soaked groceries… My closet, crammed full! How could I be hanging my clothes on ONE plane? My hair, My God, my hair… I don’t even know where to start. I get a “do” and leave it completely unprotected. It’s like I don’t even care!

Oh. Back to the Touchpoint Holiday Card/Disc Sleeve. It’ super sweet:

Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

December 3, 2008

*A Woman of Letters/Serious Letterpress/Room and Board/Minnesota Monthly*

Speaking of letters!�The new prints arrived at all of the Room and Board stores across this great land.�The photographs on their website are gorgeous and make me feel like I live in a crack house.

I have nothing against crack houses, I’m sure the people that live in them are perfectly lovely and are just misunderstood.

The legendary, Katie Dohman (Minnesota Monthly) already wrote�a little something�about them. I’m feeling pretty fancy.

October 5, 2010
Some New Cards and Some Other Things

Katie Dohman, style editor for�Minnesota Monthly,�made a special guest appearance in the shop.�She was just delightful and for that she got one of these:

The moral of the story on that broadside would be the theme of the weekend. Don’t ask questions – just accept my cryptic storytelling. JUST ACCEPT.

On to other matters of no importance to anyone. The following photographs were taken in three different�Ladies Rooms�(for LADIES) in Minneapolis – Can you guess the venue? If you can, I (or someone that works for that empire called Zeichen Press) will send you a fancy letterpress card. Fun!�*You are instantly disqualified if you are in the photograph. Sorry. But don’t act like I don’t give you free cards anyway.

I just need, like, 500 more photographs for a lovely coffee table book.

Enough small talk! On to the new cards:

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PS: I know the card above looks like a black blob�but�it’s a man carrying a baby elephant. Don’t worry, the real card will be perfect.

September 26, 2010
We care so you don’t have to.

Isn’t that nice?

OH,�also: It only seems appropriate that on the eve of the launching of the new site, the dog was caught nursing the kittens.

Enjoy.

August 28, 2010
A mixer and more!

I’ve never met a middle-aged man at a BP in Grantsburg and given him money for a Kitchen-Aid mixer — until now! The ZP intern was the recipient of the gift. She cried and looked like she was just crowned Princess Kay of the Milky Way.

It was beautiful.

I spent the last 56 hours holed up in my room (cell) uploading content for the new Zeichen Press website. And just to make it interesting, I didn’t shower or change my clothes. I DID leave once to get a new iPhone because my old one decided it would rather be a hot plate than a phone.

So be it/good riddance.

August 26, 2010
Alright, back to work

Fran Shea�s r�sum�

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1988-1988 (Nov. 1-Dec 23) Lyndale Garden Center

My first job. Silly me, I heard �making Christmas wreaths� and thought I�d be �making Christmas wreaths.� Pre-made wreaths were heaped onto a lunch table � my job was to choose the sprigs for the wreaths. “Sprigs” was an industry term for cheap Christmassy crap.

1989-1989 (Sept. 1-Sept 15) Pearson�s Family Restaurant

I bussed tables and was told to clear as much of the table as would fit in the gray bin. It would have been very satisfying if I were training to be a power-lifter. Two weeks was too long.

1989-1990 (Oct. 1-March 1) Leeann Chin, Richfield

As a server, I wore a little white hat and jacket. Like a chef. A disgruntled, panicked, 17-year-old chef.

1990-1990 (June 1-Aug. 15) GJ�s SuperValu

A block walk from my apartment above Ribizza – this job required speed and superhuman strength. Bagging groceries during a �rush� filled me with doubt and indecision � eggs before bread or bread before eggs?? Should I take my smoke break now??

1990-1990 (Sept. 1-Nov. 1) Telemarketing for the Special Olympics

I don�t even know how I found this job � it was in a bland office in a bland office building on University Avenue.� The script we were handed was written in the 1950?s and we were supposed to offer lots of garbage bags in exchange for donating to the Special Olympics. Our boss was, I think, Bob Saget.
1990-1991 (Nov. 15-Jan 15) Meyer�s Bakery

A job that required cash register skills. I�d rather wash old peoples bottoms than use a cash register � I�d try to push customers into buying things that would result in even dollar amounts so I wouldn�t have to make difficult change. Three cookies? Why not four?� Two loaves of bread? Why not two loaves of bread AND a cookie??

Fast Forward�>

1993-1996 : Carney Studio

The interview went something like this:

�So, you want to be a graphic designer?�

�A what?�

�You�re hired.�

1996-1997 : Odney Advertising

This is where I learned about advertising. And stealing office supplies.

1997-present : Stay At Home Mom

This is where I learned about cleaning up poop.

2006-present : Owner of Zeichen Press

The culmination of a life-long set of painfully acquired skills.

August 20, 2010
A Special Weekend

Jen and I share many things: Type wash, paper towels, dirty looks� But nothing� nothing even comes close to this weekend�

Whew! That was a tear-jerker! Um� there is no easy way to segue from a cat eating a placenta�

Well, other things happened this weekend, too� I biked 8 million miles to Hopkins to take some pictures of the new Pizza Luc酠 I wrote about that on the�Tanek blog� And, well I guess nothing can really compare to the moment when Jen and Susie the Cat locked eyes and Jen stated firmly (but tenderly) �I love you.�

Sigh.

August 17, 2010
Overdue Cat, a new letterpress greeting card and a little bit about the weather

Well, Susie hasn�t had her kittens yet � and like every other overdue/expecting mother � she is watching Oprah and eating tubs of Ben & Jerry�s.

Meanwhile, I biked through the Heat�

to bring Fred a card so he could photograph it. It isn�t any ordinary card � it is the card to introduce our new website.

Aren�t you intrigued?? It must say something sweet � just look at that cute little bellhop! I�ve been waiting to use him for a long time � thanks, cute little bellhop!

August 12, 2010
SHARK!!!

The morning coffee brought big news:

Swimmers spotted four Great White Sharks on the beach in Chatham. Wait, let me be clear: Not ON the beach – in the water. Swimming around …�and around … and around.Some would call that circling – orbiting their prey, slowly moving in for the flesh-ripping, limb-tearing, feeding-frenzy. But I’m not here to give sharks bad press – that’s already been done – I’m just trying to help you,�the reader, understand the everyday danger that is my life. I risk it all to bring you,�the reader, a good story.

So, off we went up the coast. Past Chatham, to Wellfleet. Wellfleet, where there is no swimming ban. God forbid we miss a beach day because the “Coast Guard” spotted some 12′ sharks. The Atlantic called us and it would be rude to ignore the call – we had to dive right into the water like good-natured guests.

A seal joined us – not more than 15 feet from shore. If he were walking on land he’d be limping… I don’t know what that’s called in the water. Drowning?

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Oh, Seal! Do you remember�our meeting last year? I do. It was magical. Last year, I had to swim ever so far – my legs dangled 100 feet above the ocean floor – they were like little noodles hanging off the end of a fork, ready to be swallowed up by the sharks. This year, you bob seductively near shore… it would be effortless to get to you. But I won’t do it because I am sensible and also I saw this

hovering overhead. A sure sign that somebody is looking for sharks. I said, LOOKING FOR SHARKS. We decided that building sand castles is pretty fun.

August 2, 2010
Yesterday and Today

Our transition from the Cape included a stay in Boston.

Boston is best experienced on-foot and with a tour guide dressed as Dorothy Quincy Hancock.

The next picture is for Andrea. (Edmund loved the Westin).

Okay, fun’s over. Back to the muggy wall of heat – we walked out of the Minneapolis airport and I felt like someone wrapped me in 100 electric blankets.

… remember when I told you about�this?? I don’t know �a lot but I do know that this belly is full of kittens. They are due in a few days – and I swear to God, if any of you take one home – I will repay you in strange and creative ways.

One more thing: The pile of mail, collected by Jen, contained this:

August 2, 2010
Airplane Safety Card (continued)

After a harrowing day at the beach, I had to stop into the�Brewster General Store

to check out their card selection – one thing is clear: they might have enough rubber lobsters but they�do�need some letterpress from Minnesota. I will see what I can do about that.

A day at the beach always includes:

That poor thing has been around for such a long time.

July 29, 2010