• Where’s my unpaid intern?

    WHERE??? If I have to work on this catalog layout for 10 more seconds I’m going to quit my job. I will instantly rehire myself just so I can quit again. This could go on for days. Of COURSE I couldn’t just work with the catalog copy  in Adobe InDesign – I HAD to use a WWII era typewriter. A Smith-Corona Skyriter to type in each individual bit of information about all 100 products. What is wrong with me?

    webskyriter1

     

    I actually cheated in “keyboarding I AND II” in high school. Don’t ask me how. DON’T ASK ME. 

    Jen is just dying to say, “I told you so.” Just shut up, Jen. Why must  you take the place of my underdeveloped sensibilities?

    January 8, 2009
  • Waist-deep snow

    Day Two.   Snow fell through the night and drifted into the passage. The women and children are weaker today. Kenneth is ailing and must be dragged on a make-shift sledge. Robert appears to be delusional and only can speak of thick-cut bacon and death metal. The dogs are starting to look delicious, especially the fluffy one. We are, most certainly, in a predicament.

    Edmund in deep snow

    •••••

    Um, here’s a new card – inspired by the men, women, and children that ventured West .

    Donner Camp

    The Donner (Birthday) Party

    January 4, 2009
  • I’ll tell you what

    Uh. December is, like, over. I don’t even care. Good riddance you ungrateful pig. You think you’re so great with your Christmas and your Hanukkah and your Britney Spears’ birthday. I’ve had it. I think we all have. Even with all of these Feast Days I managed to squeeze in our long-awaited catalog creation. And don’t think I forgot about my 25-birthday-cards. Self-imposed deadlines are the only way to get anything done. You know what else works? Pretending someone is going to kill you if you don’t get something done. SO, I scrounged up some images and wrote some lines. Yeah, yeah – I’ve not set the type or done layouts or pulled any proofs – mere formalities. And anyway, my shop elves will do it while I’m ringing in the New Year in lovely Brainerd, Minnesota. Here are a few images/lines – they’ll be 15% funnier after I’ve had my way with them. And another thing: they’re not all birthday cards. I’m not some sort of one-trick pony.

    Boys playing marbles

    You make this, you live.

    Good luck.

     

    Man with a christmas tree

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Shhhh. Nobody’ll even notice us.

     

    Very old man

    Eh? What’s that? Whose birthday? Who are you? Get out of my room.
    cutting_plie_26906_lg1 
       Happy Birthday, you tool.
    Man writing
    …and in conclusion – quit calling me a pussy.
    Sincerely,
    Pevenshire Wiffynuts
    _algebra_lg
    x=get me the f*ck out of here.
    Baby banging spoon
    Congratulations.
    I said, CONGRATULATIONS!
    Boy with hoop
    If you’re old enough to remember this game
    you are probably sitting in your own urine.


    Man with microscope
    Thanks for coming to my birthday party, my tiny friends.
    ••••••••••••
    Alright, that’ll do. I’ll post more after the elves work it out. Oh, and if you see a woman running around Brainerd in giant underpants and Sorel Boots it’s not me. Happy New Year!!!

     

     

     

     

    December 31, 2008
  • No-Coast and a stock pot

    Good Lord, what a day! I got up at the crack o’ eight – Jen picked me up and brought me to the MidTown Market to hawk our goods. It was the No-Coast Craft-o-Rama! We were pretty much SiameseTwins – due to my crippling Math Anxiety, I can’t be left alone to make change for a twenty. I welcome your prayers. I smiled lots and said, “four dollars” or “five dollars” whenever I felt like it. Sometimes it was in response to a customer’s question. Here are some customers: notice their intense cheerfulness:

    three-females-at-our-table

    three-males-at-our-table
    I did manage to step away from our table to find a crinkly cat bag for My Mother-in-Law. She’s gonna frickin’ love it. Those cats are gonna thank me by walking by me and not noticing I exist. It’ll be one awesome Christmas.

    …Fast forward, like, eight hours and I found myself at a delightful Holiday Party. I think it was in Plymouth. Anyway, the halls were decked, the booze was flowing. The booze was flowing. In retrospect, I don’t think it all wanted to be in my body. I’m not sure why, at the time, I thought it did want to be in there. And honestly, there wasn’t a lot of  room, what with all the spanakopita . I was planning on giving it all up in a stock pot that Katie generously donated to the car. I felt the love. I did make it home, with a clean stock pot, and Kenny dumped me into bed. He was like a hunter and I was like a deer carcass. The bed was the pick-up truck. It was so much fun. I dragged my sorry arse out of bed this morning to for churching. The stock pot is a symbol of one woman’s redemption. So much can happen in a day.

    stock-pot-with-bulletin

    PS: Did you know that 80’s glasses are back in style?? You crazy kids!80s-glasses

    December 7, 2008
  • SO. MANY. WORDS.

    Three 10″x15″ iron chases locked up with Touchpoint Buzzwords. Buzzwords and some other random cuts from the ZP collection – including a chunk from a newspaper insert advertising handy items for the ladies: A rubber-lined shopping bag available in gay plaids, a multi-tiered clothes hanger, a cap to protect the hairdo. What I wouldn’t give to have those items. My drab, rain-soaked groceries… My closet, crammed full! How could I be hanging my clothes on ONE plane? My hair, My God, my hair… I don’t even know where to start. I get a “do” and leave it completely unprotected. It’s like I don’t even care! Oh. Back to the Touchpoint Holiday Card/Disc Sleeve. It’s super sweet:

    Touchpoint Mixpak

    December 3, 2008
  • SO. MANY. WORDS.

     Three 10″x15″ iron chases locked up with Touchpoint Buzzwords. Buzzwords and some other random cuts from the ZP collection – including a chunk from a newspaper insert advertising handy items for the ladies: A rubber-lined shopping bag available in gay plaids, a multi-tiered clothes hanger, a cap to protect the hairdo.

    What I wouldn’t give to have those items. My drab, rain-soaked groceries… My closet, crammed full! How could I be hanging my clothes on ONE plane? My hair, My God, my hair… I don’t even know where to start. I get a “do” and leave it completely unprotected. It’s like I don’t even care!

    Oh. Back to the Touchpoint Holiday Card/Disc Sleeve. It’ super sweet:

    Touchpoint Cd Sleeve
    Touchpoint Cd Sleeve
    Touchpoint Cd Sleeve
    Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

    December 3, 2008
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  • -33° in Brainerd

    That’s where I am. Will I ever be able to get back to Minneapolis? Stay tuned.

    And, just because I’m a little obsessed with the weather, I gathered some very important figures. - Record low temperatures in The United States of America:

    State Temp. Date Station Elevation
    Alabama -27 Jan. 30, 1966 New Market 760
    Alaska -80 Jan. 23, 1971 Prospect Creek 1,100
    Arizona -40 Jan.  7, 1971 Hawley Lake 8,180
    Arkansas -29 Feb. 13, 1905 Pond 1,250
    California -45 Jan. 20, 1937 Boca 5,532
    Colorado -61 Feb.  1, 1985 Maybell 5,920
    Connecticut -32 Feb. 16, 1943 Falls Village 585
    Delaware -17 Jan. 17, 1893 Millsboro 20
    Florida – 2 Feb. 13, 1899 Tallahassee 193
    Georgia -17 Jan. 27, 1940 Mauna Kea 13,770
    Idaho -60 Jan. 18, 1943 Island Park Dam 6,285
    Illinois -36 Jan.  5, 1999 Congerville 722
    Indiana -36 Jan. 19, 1994 New Whiteland 785
    Iowa -47 Feb.  3, 1996* Elkader 770
    Kansas -40 Feb. 13, 1905 Lebanon 1,812
    Kentucky -37 Jan. 19, 1994 Shelbyville 730
    Louisiana -16 Feb. 13, 1899 Minden 194
    Maine -48 Jan. 19, 1925 Van Buren 458
    Maryland -40 Jan. 13, 1912 Oakland 2,461
    Massachusetts -35 Jan. 12, 1981 Chester 640
    Michigan -51 Feb.  9, 1934 Vanderbilt 785
    Minnesota -60 Feb.  2, 1996 Tower 1,430
    Mississippi -19 Jan. 30, 1966 Corinth 420
    Missouri -40 Feb. 13, 1905 Warsaw 700
    Montana -70 Jan. 20, 1954 Rogers Pass 5,470
    Nebraska -47 Feb. 12, 1899 Camp Clarke 3,700
    Nevada -50 Jan.  8, 1937 San Jacinto 5,200
    New Hampshire -47 Jan. 29, 1934 Mt. Washington 6,288
    New Jersey -34 Jan.  5, 1904 River Vale 70
    New Mexico -50 Feb.  1, 1951 Gavilan 7,350
    New York -52 Feb. 18, 1979* Old Forge 1,720
    North Carolina -34 Jan. 21, 1985 Mt. Mitchell 6,525
    North Dakota -60 Feb. 15, 1936 Parshall 1,929
    Ohio -39 Feb. 10, 1899 Milligan 800
    Oklahoma -27 Jan. 18, 1930 Watts 958
    Oregon -54 Feb. 10, 1933* Seneca 4,700
    Pennsylvania -42 Jan.  5, 1904 Smethport est. 1,500
    Rhode Island -25 Feb.  5, 1996 Greene 425
    South Carolina -19 Jan. 21, 1985 Caesars Head 3,100
    South Dakota -58 Feb. 17, 1936 McIntosh 2,277
    Tennessee -32 Dec. 30, 1917 Mountain City 2,471
    Texas -23 Feb.  8, 1933* Seminole 3,275
    Utah -69 Feb.  1, 1985 Peter’s Sink 8,092
    Vermont -50 Dec. 30, 1933 Bloomfield 915
    Virginia -30 Jan. 22, 1985 Mountain Lake 3,870
    Washington -48 Dec. 30, 1968 Mazama 2,120
    West Virginia -37 Dec. 30, 1917 Lewisburg 2,200
    Wisconsin -55 Feb.4,   1996 Couderay 1,300
    Wyoming -66 Feb.  9, 1933 Riverside 6,650

    AND before we start killing and eating each other, we are entertaining ourselves by throwing boiling water into the cold air.

    rob-turns-water-to-steam

    January 2, 2010
  • 0°, Hydraulics and a Hair Dryer

    Why is it that the one time I leave my house something awesome happens?? Jack drove the Heidelberg Windmill down from Wahpeton, North Dakota this morning. Drove it right down to our fancy studio.

    zeichen-press-hq

    I’m in Brainerd not running around the house in my underwear and Jen is back at ZP headquarters. Who knew (Jack the mover knew) that the press was going to be delivered TODAY? Apparently, the hydraulic part of the pallet jack (not Jack the mover) didn’t love the 0°. I guess it was frozen and I’m no expert but that seems like a setback. Jen called me wondering where she could find a hair dryer. I don’t know why she wanted to style her hair but I’m not going to judge. Apparently, Jen’s beautiful hair did the trick because the new press is safe and sound in the SW corner of the shop.

    get-the-heidelberg-off-the

    get-the-heidelberg-on-the-pthe-heidelber-is-home

     

    January 2, 2010
  • It’s ART!! DO YOU HEAR ME?? ART!!

    Alphabetically speaking, Zeichen follows Warhol in the Room and Board dictionary. Andy Warhol and Zeichen Press sit side-by-side on the Wall Art page - I don’t want to speak for Mr. Warhol BUT I’ll bet he is thrilled with the proximity… This might be just the thing to jump-start his career… Good luck, Andy!! You weird, prolific little man!!

    So, back on the R&B website – here’s what the description DOESN’T say:

    Produced entirely by hand using
    vintage (super old) printing equipment,
    Zeichen Press creates this letterpress
    design exclusively for us in their
    Minneapolis studio. Actually, they call
    it a studio but really it was once the
    family garage – an issue that nearly
    cost the owner (Fran Shea) her marriage,
    and more importantly, the garage.
    I mean, studio. Using a centuries-old
    manual printing method, they set salvaged,
    antique type by hand in limited print runs
    to give the work a one-of-a-kind quality
    that feels both modern and classic.

    °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
    They edited that copy down to the nub! But I suppose they know best.

    Have a look at these photos: GASP! They make me want to buy one of my own prints!

    rb-alphabet_529196_10erb-parsons_938057_10e-450x300

    December 27, 2009
  • The strong would survive the winter. The weak would, of course, be eaten.

    the-strong-would-survive-th

    The Long Winter is the true tale of a Minnesota family surviving one of the most brutal Winters in our recorded history. Trapped in the house – day after day after day – the blizzard makes it impossible to see out the window or even walk out to the barn without getting lost. Good ol’ Pa rigs up a rope to follow, he is always coming up with some creative solution! Ma follows that rope because Pa finds himself trapped in a ditch by the creek. The wood pile dwindles to nothing and the family is forced to twist hay into little bundles – they would burn these in the cast-iron stove to heat their little house. … Tough, brown bread is the only food left to eat.

    Or is it?

    What if that was on the jacket flap? I’d totally read that book.

    December 24, 2009
  • It’s time for Christmas rejects!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SH1j1luFOw&feature=related

    Gosh, that’s a scary movie! Those poor misfit toys… the choo-choo with the square wheels, the pistol that shoots jelly, the effeminate jack-in-the-box…  I think the jack-in-the-box and that little dentist-elf would make a cute couple.

    Okay, so I keep trying to design something to print on these FIVE THOUSAND BEVERAGE COASTERS that we have lying around. I guess no one cares about preserving the shine and luster of their finished furniture.

    I think that’s barbaric.

    Maybe they think it sends the wrong message? I don’t. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to booze it up through the 12 days of Christmas. In fact, it is acceptable all year round IF you set your drink on one of our beverage coasters. (Was that some sort of plug?? Yes. Here’s a link: AND here’s one I designed just for Touchpoint Retail. It has the recipe for a candy cane martini right on it. Isn’t that handy?? coaster-for-touchpoint-450x229

    They decided to go with a card design from the Zeichen Press line but JUST TO BE DIFFICULT (I mean, sui generis.) they had us print it on an oversized SQUARE coaster. But I must admit, it’s pretty darn nice.

    touchpint-coaster-card-fron

    touchpoint-coaster-card-bac

    December 18, 2009
  • Two-timing ZP

    But I LOVE you Zeichen Press! I do. It’s just that Tanek has something (money) that you don’t have. Does that sound shallow? It’s not, I swear. It’s not just the money. They make me coffee. AND they tell me I do good work. You just sit there and take. And take and take and take – a word that comes to mind is “relentless.” But not in a bad way. Did I mention they’re architects? I know! Restaurants, retail, residential… Wait, did I mention restaurants?… Of course you had to know, the signs were everywhere. Remember when I made those Tanek paper dolls? tanek-paper-doll-inside-card

    Or that 4-color halftone?

    tanek-card-untrimmed2

    Wait, that was just last week. Anyway, I’m totally NOT breaking up with you. I’m just going to be seeing them too. But that’s cool, right? Don’t be so selfish.

    **Editor’s Note: What does this mean??? Zeichen Press is just doing some marketing for Tanek.

    December 13, 2009
  • Just a Christmas Card

    No big deal.

    Just a photoshopped-four-color-halftone-letterpress-printed Christmas Card.

    Jen and I were like, “Oh, that’s cool. For a Christmas card.”tanek-card-untrimmed2

     

    December 10, 2009
  • No Coast 2009, Sleestacks and ANOTHER Doppelganger

    WHEW! What a weekend!

    First of all, Amanda came to my house to do my hair.

    She did.

    Shut up.

    I totally care about how I look. It seemed strange to look so beautiful AND carry 500 lbs of cards from a loading dock to a folding table. But I did it for the kids. Jen and I have worked out a system of communication that really facilitates a speedy set up: Jen orders me around like some sort of slave and I stifle sobs behind my Crying Scarf.

    There was another letterpress company about 10 feet away from us and we had to fight to defend our turf. Zeichen Press ended up winning because we have better dance moves and we bribed the judges with Bazooka gum.

    I figured out something pretty important on Saturday morning: I look like a Sleestack.

    fran-sleestack

    sleestack-207x300

    OH! Another thing that was pretty amazing: That dapper gent from one of our new cards actually bought the card that he is on!

    I hope she likes thoughts that count. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.

    thoughts-that-count-real-ma

    I love a handsome man with a wallet full of cash. (Do you hear me, Kenny?!)

    Let’s see… oh, yes.. the show was jam-packed and we made gobs of moola. I mean, we spread the joy of the season through letterpress goodness.

    Here’s me laughing at one of my own jokes:fran-laughing-no-coast-2009

    And here’s Jen endlessly fussing over a display:jens-arms-arranging-cards-2

    I almost forgot to share this bit of news: Somebody actually stole an entire stack of these:I'm still stalking you. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.

    What the???

    She must be a professional stalker.

    December 7, 2009
  • Mr. Heidelberg… you RASCAL!

    If all goes according to my master plan, 2,500 pounds of love will soon be mine.

    2,500 pounds…

    That’s one of these:

    austin-mini-cooper-sport-re

    Or two of him:

    alg_heaviest_man

    Are you intrigued??

    heidelberg-logo

    November 22, 2009
  • There Is No Turning Back

    The new logo has been crafted of copper and is ready for printing.

    …But who are those people supposed to be?? And why does the woman wear her hair as if it were 1986?? Only I know the answers to these mysteries and I have just boarded a train headed for Zermatt.

    zeichen-press-new-logo

    November 17, 2009
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