• A Pigeon in My Flashing (and Other Bedtime Stories)

    When Nature and Civilization collide it sounds just like stirring twelve tin cans in the bathtub with a golf club. This sound, combined with another sound—the sound of a pair of teeny-tiny hands strangling a pigeon.

    I laid in bed for 1…2…3…4…5 hours and listened to, what I concluded was, a pigeon trapped behind the flashing on my house.help-me-pigeon

    A squirrel met its maker (Bruce Hornsby) that same way last Summer. But not before it spent several days running itself to death. Was the pigeon luckier? It shivered in the cold until shortly before dawn. Like the Little Match Girl, it shivered to death, clutching a clawful of burnt matches.

    We have a client that needs graphics for its trucks so while I listened to the pathetic cries of the dying pigeon, I thought about that.

    It was a productive night.

    January 14, 2012
  • OMGUR4T

    A surprise birthday party is 1,000% more fun than a regular birthday party. The planners plan for weeks – sending out secret invitations:becky-invite-w-envelope-10x10

    Unearthing senior photos to print on drink coasters:becky-coaster

    And finally the moment arrives!

    January 9, 2012
  • In January It’s So Nice

    Hello, January. I hate you. Not as much as February, but I still hate you. I tell my children that you are full of fun and possibilities but I am lying.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NOJIYe6qoI

    Perhaps this card captures my true feelings:what-fresh-hell

    January 7, 2012
  • Tribulation Consolation

    Sometimes (not very often) I find myself at a loss for words. Speechless. Struck dumb by powerful emotion. “I’m stunned. I mean, I’m in a state of… somebody should just throw a blanket over me, you know?” – Woody Allen (Manhattan)

    Sometimes an empathy card is better than a sympathy card.

    Sometimes a bear playing violin says it all.there-are-no-words

    January 1, 2012
  • Taking (A Fearless Moral) Inventory

    Jen told me that she is learning to master Quickbooks. I trust her.jen-puzzle

    I bet that the Quickbooks tutorial requires puzzle completion before you really get into the meat of the application—just to make sure the user is nimble-minded.

    The New Year is upon us and to celebrate I stood on a chair, my head surrounded by asbestos wrapped pipes, and counted envelopes.fran-counting-inventoryJen said this was called taking inventory and while I am familiar with this as a spiritual concept, with a priest and confessional handy, I was easily distracted because the priest and confessional were replaced by the dog and a bin of Bazooka bubble gum.one-dog-named-milliebazooka-binThese items were not on Jen’s listjen-inventory-listbut I think that was a potentially expensive oversight. Just to be on the safe side, I counted one dog named Millie and 34 pieces of Bazooka.

    You’re welcome, Jen. 

    December 31, 2011
  • Fortune Teller, Tell My Fortune

    Winter has been creeping in like a gas leak and I am always pleasantly surprised to find myself awake in the morning. It would not take long for the madness of Winter to descend upon the little house. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.

    “That’s nice.” I say, as I stretch and crawl off my sofa-bed. Never one to miss nuance, I wonder why I’m not in my own bed.

    Good design sometimes requires getting into character – I’ve been dressing like a gypsy (not showering) for our latest Tanek project. A paper fortune teller is easier to mail than a crystal ball and some might argue – more accurate. Tanek will send 300 of these out to their dearest friends – I only hope they take the responsibility of predicting the future seriously:

    fortune-teller-1fortune-teller-5 fortune-teller-2 fortune-teller-3 fortune-teller-4  fortune-teller-6

    December 21, 2011
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  • Rewriting History OR Making Ken Piper sit on Scary Santa’s Lap

    Dear Scary Santa,

    How is Mrs. Scary Santa? How are the reindeer? That’s nice.

    Could you please bring us our own architectural firm? Just like Mr. Brady from the Brady Bunch?

    brady-bunch

    He’s always making models in the den and walking around with rolled-up blueprints. It looks like so much fun. PLUS, we would totally take care of it. We figured out the best name for it:

    Tanek.

    Get it?

    It’s our names! Spelled backwards!!

    Anyway, we’ll let you get back to working with the elves.

    From,

    Ken & Nat

    big-screen-grab-santa-nat-k

    November 13, 2009
  • 18 New Cards for 2010

    Doesn’t that sound futuristic?

    2010.

    Anyway, you can come see them in person at the No-Coast Craft-o-Rama. It’s not until December but I know how my readers like to plan ahead.

    Yikes! My youth just scurried by. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.I'm clearing my calendar for your birthday. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.HURRY! That birthday is just around the corner. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.That's "MR. Happy Birthday" to you. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.This is a birthday card, not a bill. HALLELUJAH. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.Make it a double, it's your birthday. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.PSST, is this my birthday party or my funeral?  Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.OMGUR4T Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.Does this sandwich make me look old? Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.The gifts don't count themselves. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.A Christmas Stalking. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.I'll celebrate Christmas however I damn well please. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.the strong would surviveGreat. My parents just got home. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.CONGRATULATIONS on that big thing you got or did or whatever. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.Thank you for your support! Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.

    November 11, 2009
  • My very special night at Maiden Minnesota

    What a night! First, I was paper-bagged by my girlfriends and THEN I was handed a glass of wine and a sack full of pencils.

    We were greeted by a wall of women at the The Grave’s Hotel – I was frightened at first – it was like a giant bridal shower… I always feel awkward at bridal showers. This is going to surprise some people but I’m just not really a girly-girl. I can’t walk in heels and I have no idea what to do with make-up or hair. My casual wardrobe may as well be borrowed from the Cloggy’s Friday Night Karaoke Ladies. matthew-from-a-magazine

    fran-at-maiden-mn

    But who’s that in the bathroom with you, Fran? Well, silly, that’s my bathroom friend!

    Okay, onto the vendors at the event. What event? Hush. Illume Candles was there – spreading their joy through the scented candle. We’re printing their holiday card again this year. They’ll pay us in candle currency which they assured us is just as good as real money. Let’s see… then there was some stationery vendor… forgot the name… it wasn’t us… so I didn’t care… And lastly, Foat Design. They do urban couture and yoga wear. I chatted with one of the owners – A nice gal who claims to have a twin in San Francisco. I’m not buying it, I bet she made up the whole “twin thing” to get away with crime.

    November 7, 2009
  • When I get my hands on Santa

    Nothing says Christmas like sitting on a boozed up strangers lap. Especially if that stranger promises you all sorts of “goodies.”

    The 1970’s were a rich time for the Shea family. 5 of 8 kids had already come through the hatch, (what did she say?) Mr. had a job, Mrs. kept house. Santa Clause sat at Dayton’s just waiting to kick off Christmas-Time. I do remember wondering how he could waste precious toy-making time just SITTING THERE on that throne. That wondering turned into anxiety which turned into paralyzing fear.

    That might be why I’m not in this picture.

    santa-with-nat-em-zak-web

    Nat, Em, and Zak are in it.

    Andy and I are noticeably absent. There might have been a pants-wetting episode, or a throwing-up episode. Or a poopy-pants episode. Andy was always trying to get attention.

    With the help of photoshop, I’ll be revising history. Soon, Nat and his BUSINESS partner, Ken, will be sitting on Santa’s lap… together. Ken needs to scrape up some childhood memory and get it over to me. I will remove Em and Zak (Zak clearly wants to be removed) and replace them with a little Ken. THEN, I will create a 4-color process halftone – OF COURSE it will be 50 lines per inch.

    Duh.

    It will be the new holiday card for Tanek. The finest architectural firm in the land.

    I’ve heard it’s tricky to print a 4-color halftone using the letterpress printing method. But you know what I say to that??

    DO YOU?!

    I say, “you’re not so tricky!”

    So, here’s what that image looks like when it’s all pulled apart and put back together as a 4 color separation. Isn’t it delicious?santa-em-nat-zak-screen-grab-for-web1-450x353

    November 6, 2009
  • CPR

    Gasp… It’s… time… for… a… new… logo…zeichen-press-cpr-logo-simp

    October 25, 2009
  • Happy Monday!

    I wonder if schools are more selective about their teachers these days.

    I had a high-school teacher that greeted us with such giddy enthusiasm when we entered the classroom – I might say he “pranced” around the room, his little toesies all dressed up for the day in black, dress socks. I could see the socks because those feet weren’t stuffed into a smelly old shoe – no! They were free as you and me in a classic Birkenstock sandal.

    Seven Paula Figurines lined the front of his desk.

    paula-figurine

    Six of them kept their backs to us, the seventh would be turned to let us know what day of the week it was,”Happy Monday!” and so on. So much better than a calender.

    We were told that we should address him as “Doctor” – that title was later disputed. And revoked. Turns out it was all just a fantasy… oh, such a fantasy… I imagine myself getting a doctorate degree in religion…

    He described one of his teaching methods as “accelerated learning.” All students were required to put their heads on their desk – or grab one of his strange-smelling pillows from his “cubby-hole.” Classical music blaring, he read aloud – synchronizing the inflection of his voice to the swells and ebbs of the music.

    I wish I could remember what he read. Maybe it was the multiplication-tables. Or Jim Jones’ manifesto.

    October 19, 2009
  • Life is really going to change

    No more casual afternoons at Starbucks. No more sidewalk cafes. No more days at the park with the kids. No more walking down the sidewalk with a kid on my shoulders while sipping a Starbucks Latte while going to the sidewalk cafe from the park.

    Not any more. Because we’re celebrities. I know, I know – don’t worry – I’ll still make me-time.

    If you are living in a well, you might not have heard that Zeichen Press was proclaimed Best of Show by -my new favorite- magazine: Do It Yourself 

    do-it-yourself-cover-winter

    With the magazine in her hands and a cart full of groceries, Jen called me. She called me over the loudspeaker. I was in the frozen foods section and she ordered me to get myself to Lane 7. I did as I was told and Thank God because Jen was being dragged away by security – I got there in the nick of time, explaining that we were on a “living on your own” outing and I’d be taking her right back to the group home as soon as we bagged her groceries.

    Phew!

    Okay, here’s a sneak peak into the magazine – go and get your very own copy and don’t forget to buy some of our goddamn holiday cards.

    printed-and-pressed-diy-art

    October 16, 2009
  • Will I win the Nobel Peace Prize?

    Maybe. Oh, who am I kidding? I can’t broker peace between nations. I’m no Dalai Lama. I’m no Barack Obama. I’m just kidding about that second one  -  I just wanted something to rhyme with Dalai Lama. Wait, what? Barack Obama really did win the Nobel Peace Prize? Oops. My bad. It’s hard, toiling away, day after day – trying to make this crazy planet just a little bit cheerier. Ghandi knows how I feel.

    *alfred-nobel

    Alfred “Alfie” Nobel

    What would Fran do?

     •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

     ANYWAY. I wrote some new cards. Perhaps, one day, they will bring peace to war-torn countries…

    •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  *two-old-men-talking

    PSST, is this my birthday party or my funeral

    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• *gifts-dont-count

    The gifts don’t count       themselves.
    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *of-course-be-eaten

    The strong would survive the winter. The weak would, of course, be eaten.
    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *im-christmas-stalking-you

    I’m Christmas Stalking you.
    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *piano-lesson
    The Christmas concert would be her chance for revenge.

    •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *lounging-women

    I’ll celebrate Christmas however I damn well please.

    •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *man_wrapping-package-18_lg

    I hope she likes thoughts that count.

    •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *bra-ad2

    Thank you for your support.
    •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *lovebirds_14525

    Great. My parents just got home.

    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    October 15, 2009
  • Wishes DO come true!

    It’s no secret that I have always wanted 300 feet of bubble wrap.

    Somebody (Jen) had it delivered to our headquarters – it’s one of the best things I’ve ever seen on my doorstep. Although… the Sunday paper is nice to see when I open the door…or girl scouts selling cookies. Hmm, one of my stalkers once left a skinned, boiled squirrel on my doorstep… that was strange – and I still don’t get the  message – was it: “Love me back, or I’ll boil and skin you” or was it “I am capable of providing small game for your meals.”

    Oh, I guess I’ll never know.

    bubble-wrap-delivery

    October 7, 2009
  • ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

    Done.

    a-z-type-room-and-board

    Do not worry. IF you can’t get your sad self to the Room and Board nearest you, you can shop online!

     It’s true. But not yet. NOT YET. The ink isn’t even dry.

    Did I mention that I will be the lunchmeat between the bread named Jackson Pollock and Andy Warhol? What a strange, virtual sandwich. Speaking of sandwiches: I decided to take a break from printing to do some printing and I made this:

    does-this-sandwich-make-me-450x337

     

    October 5, 2009
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