• You Can Take the Girl Out of Minnesota

    The odyssey began exactly three and a half miles West of the Mississippi during what would later be called “Friday.” No need for an alarm to be set because rising at 4am comes so naturally to me – getting a jump on the day makes me feel like a dynamo.

    First legs of journeys are often fueled by earnestness and without vigilance, that fuel can turn to ennui. (ahn-wee)fran-ennui

    Ennui can turn to desperation and when mixed with starvation, can lead to tragedy. Remember the Chilean rugby team? Their plane crashed in the Andes and they ate each other. Survival and cannibalism are in cahoots, everyone knows that.

    Our airline didn’t want that blood on their hands so they loaded us up with a rib-sticking breakfast.

    coffee-cookie-airtran

    Our plane did land safely on the ground and we were stuffed into a sweat lodge/taxi-cab that smelled like thousands of weary travelers. (Curry + pine tree + urine).

    I don’t remember my own birth but I bet it felt similar to exiting the taxi – the crying, the relief, the hotel cradling me in it’s arms.

    Like good tourists, we went right from the hotel to the subway. Now I know that when I go to Purgatory (and I know I will) it will look, feel, and smell like the subway.

    It will make heaven even more glorious.

    manhattan-night

    Because traveling underground on a train isn’t strange enough, the subway was filled with hundreds of boozed-up Santas.

    santa-subway-2

    santa-subway-1

    And because my touristy feet were killing me, I had to go to the T.J. Maxx on Wall street to buy slippers. I did see the Occupy Wall Street people and asked them if they wanted to occupy T.J. Maxx with me but they (all five of them) looked at me like I was crazy.

    occupy

    Oh, we also walked across the Brooklyn Bridge. Has anyone seen that thing? It’s pretty cool and people should really be aware of it.

    fran-and-lucy-brooklyn-bridge

    Don’t I look serious? I didn’t crack a smile all day.

     

    December 13, 2011
  • Farewell, No Coast OR Joy For Sale

    It’s hard to put a price tag on joy and laughter, but we did: $10.

    Actually, four cards for $10. This, and Jen not wearing a top, made our shoppers more giddy than usual.

    The Zeichen Press booth was a beacon of laughter bobbing in the sea of wrist-warmers, nose-rings, and ironic Christmas sweaters.

    no-coast-1 no-coast-2

    I hid behind our card racks for two days and talked to Jen about important things like iron lungs and Santa Clause while our customers snort-laughed (my favorite kind of laugh). There was even a gal that was laughing so hard she had to stamp her foot on the floor. Those responses made me feel like this:

    beaker

    And I think Jen felt like this:

    dr-bunsen

    Finally, a man came up to us and told us all about human exoskeletons. (See blog post #390: Freak-Magnet) Eventually, he rode away on a unicorn.

    What I guess I’m trying to say is that the No Coast Craft-O-Rama was, once again, awesome.

    PS: No show would be complete without a little danger and ours came in the form of an icy, yet beautiful, drive home.

    lakestreet-snow-carwash-sign lakestreet-snow-arbys-sign

    December 5, 2011
  • I DON’T MEAN TO BE PUSHY

    Yes, I do.

    That festive, urban craft fair (the No Coast Craft-O-Rama) is coming up this weekend and if you’ve never been, I will describe it to you:

    Have you ever legally died and felt yourself being drawn into the comforting white light?

    It’s just like that, only better.

    Think Holiday Bazaar. Just kidding. Don’t think that. Think table after table of handmade goodness, guaranteed to provoke gasps and tears of joy.

    To get ready for the show, I made these prints for our wall:no-coast-print

    And Jen did everything else.

    Also, I am thinking about getting my hair done.

    November 28, 2011
  • Surrender and Acceptance

    Jen and I were trying to enjoy the wholesome spirit of the annual Book Arts festivalmcba-2011

    when Winter walked into the party, tracked snow on the floor, didn’t laugh at my jokes, and clogged the toilet. I wasn’t surprised.

    To keep up morale, I invented a pack-less backpack and inflatable underpants. For some reason, this reminded Jen to tell me my fortune. She made one of these:

    closed-fortune

    and filled it with “fortunes.” But I don’t really think they were fortunes.

    open-fortune-arrows-2

    Oh, Jen! You’re such a kidder!

    November 19, 2011
  • Asylum-For-One

    Listen, I could break out of this place if I had some sturdy cornhusks, one tablespoon of vaseline, two steel springs, and a puppy.

    But do I really want to?

    Jen is printing a card

    This time of year fills me with greed. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.

    in preparation for the MCBA Festival, not the Mutation Chinchilla Breeders Association—a real thing—but the Minnesota Center for Book Arts festival. It’s Saturday, November 19th and if you like celebrating books via buying book-like items (handmade paper, journals, our cards) you should totally go.

    My contribution to the show is this lovely display signage I designed:only-losers-santa

    See you there!

    November 18, 2011
  • Endless Game

    If only I could play an instrument or sing or get along with a group of people, I would release an album full of music. I can’t do any of those things and so I stand

    fortress-of-solitude

    in my Fortress of Solitude and name imaginary albums. This has been going on for, like, 20 years. Here are a few:

    • Liar, You’ve Never Seen the Moon

    • Please Don’t Drive Away, My Leg is Hanging Out of the Car

    • Why Don’t You Need My Wagon?

    • That’s Not Cake (Don’t Eat it)

    • He Tries To Control Me With His Eggrolls

    And so on.

    I will eventually take it a step further and design the album art – a band will come to me and select one and most likely it will go double platinum. I’m pretty sure that’s the way it works.

    —

    My sister’s wedding was on Saturday

    cathedral-wedding-2and I cried like a baby because I felt nostalgic. My sister used to watch Lamb Chop’s Play-Along and I really miss Sherry Lewis.lambchop

    After the ceremony, I dried my eyes and went to the party. There was a lot of drinking and a lot of dancing. And this album cover was created:sad-bride

    I think it would be good for a funk metal group or maybe spoken word.

    October 17, 2011
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  • Rewriting History OR Making Ken Piper sit on Scary Santa’s Lap

    Dear Scary Santa,

    How is Mrs. Scary Santa? How are the reindeer? That’s nice.

    Could you please bring us our own architectural firm? Just like Mr. Brady from the Brady Bunch?

    brady-bunch

    He’s always making models in the den and walking around with rolled-up blueprints. It looks like so much fun. PLUS, we would totally take care of it. We figured out the best name for it:

    Tanek.

    Get it?

    It’s our names! Spelled backwards!!

    Anyway, we’ll let you get back to working with the elves.

    From,

    Ken & Nat

    big-screen-grab-santa-nat-k

    November 13, 2009
  • 18 New Cards for 2010

    Doesn’t that sound futuristic?

    2010.

    Anyway, you can come see them in person at the No-Coast Craft-o-Rama. It’s not until December but I know how my readers like to plan ahead.

    Yikes! My youth just scurried by. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.I'm clearing my calendar for your birthday. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.HURRY! That birthday is just around the corner. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.That's "MR. Happy Birthday" to you. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.This is a birthday card, not a bill. HALLELUJAH. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.Make it a double, it's your birthday. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.PSST, is this my birthday party or my funeral?  Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.OMGUR4T Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.Does this sandwich make me look old? Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.The gifts don't count themselves. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.A Christmas Stalking. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.I'll celebrate Christmas however I damn well please. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.the strong would surviveGreat. My parents just got home. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.CONGRATULATIONS on that big thing you got or did or whatever. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.Thank you for your support! Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.

    November 11, 2009
  • My very special night at Maiden Minnesota

    What a night! First, I was paper-bagged by my girlfriends and THEN I was handed a glass of wine and a sack full of pencils.

    We were greeted by a wall of women at the The Grave’s Hotel – I was frightened at first – it was like a giant bridal shower… I always feel awkward at bridal showers. This is going to surprise some people but I’m just not really a girly-girl. I can’t walk in heels and I have no idea what to do with make-up or hair. My casual wardrobe may as well be borrowed from the Cloggy’s Friday Night Karaoke Ladies. matthew-from-a-magazine

    fran-at-maiden-mn

    But who’s that in the bathroom with you, Fran? Well, silly, that’s my bathroom friend!

    Okay, onto the vendors at the event. What event? Hush. Illume Candles was there – spreading their joy through the scented candle. We’re printing their holiday card again this year. They’ll pay us in candle currency which they assured us is just as good as real money. Let’s see… then there was some stationery vendor… forgot the name… it wasn’t us… so I didn’t care… And lastly, Foat Design. They do urban couture and yoga wear. I chatted with one of the owners – A nice gal who claims to have a twin in San Francisco. I’m not buying it, I bet she made up the whole “twin thing” to get away with crime.

    November 7, 2009
  • When I get my hands on Santa

    Nothing says Christmas like sitting on a boozed up strangers lap. Especially if that stranger promises you all sorts of “goodies.”

    The 1970’s were a rich time for the Shea family. 5 of 8 kids had already come through the hatch, (what did she say?) Mr. had a job, Mrs. kept house. Santa Clause sat at Dayton’s just waiting to kick off Christmas-Time. I do remember wondering how he could waste precious toy-making time just SITTING THERE on that throne. That wondering turned into anxiety which turned into paralyzing fear.

    That might be why I’m not in this picture.

    santa-with-nat-em-zak-web

    Nat, Em, and Zak are in it.

    Andy and I are noticeably absent. There might have been a pants-wetting episode, or a throwing-up episode. Or a poopy-pants episode. Andy was always trying to get attention.

    With the help of photoshop, I’ll be revising history. Soon, Nat and his BUSINESS partner, Ken, will be sitting on Santa’s lap… together. Ken needs to scrape up some childhood memory and get it over to me. I will remove Em and Zak (Zak clearly wants to be removed) and replace them with a little Ken. THEN, I will create a 4-color process halftone – OF COURSE it will be 50 lines per inch.

    Duh.

    It will be the new holiday card for Tanek. The finest architectural firm in the land.

    I’ve heard it’s tricky to print a 4-color halftone using the letterpress printing method. But you know what I say to that??

    DO YOU?!

    I say, “you’re not so tricky!”

    So, here’s what that image looks like when it’s all pulled apart and put back together as a 4 color separation. Isn’t it delicious?santa-em-nat-zak-screen-grab-for-web1-450x353

    November 6, 2009
  • CPR

    Gasp… It’s… time… for… a… new… logo…zeichen-press-cpr-logo-simp

    October 25, 2009
  • Happy Monday!

    I wonder if schools are more selective about their teachers these days.

    I had a high-school teacher that greeted us with such giddy enthusiasm when we entered the classroom – I might say he “pranced” around the room, his little toesies all dressed up for the day in black, dress socks. I could see the socks because those feet weren’t stuffed into a smelly old shoe – no! They were free as you and me in a classic Birkenstock sandal.

    Seven Paula Figurines lined the front of his desk.

    paula-figurine

    Six of them kept their backs to us, the seventh would be turned to let us know what day of the week it was,”Happy Monday!” and so on. So much better than a calender.

    We were told that we should address him as “Doctor” – that title was later disputed. And revoked. Turns out it was all just a fantasy… oh, such a fantasy… I imagine myself getting a doctorate degree in religion…

    He described one of his teaching methods as “accelerated learning.” All students were required to put their heads on their desk – or grab one of his strange-smelling pillows from his “cubby-hole.” Classical music blaring, he read aloud – synchronizing the inflection of his voice to the swells and ebbs of the music.

    I wish I could remember what he read. Maybe it was the multiplication-tables. Or Jim Jones’ manifesto.

    October 19, 2009
  • Life is really going to change

    No more casual afternoons at Starbucks. No more sidewalk cafes. No more days at the park with the kids. No more walking down the sidewalk with a kid on my shoulders while sipping a Starbucks Latte while going to the sidewalk cafe from the park.

    Not any more. Because we’re celebrities. I know, I know – don’t worry – I’ll still make me-time.

    If you are living in a well, you might not have heard that Zeichen Press was proclaimed Best of Show by -my new favorite- magazine: Do It Yourself 

    do-it-yourself-cover-winter

    With the magazine in her hands and a cart full of groceries, Jen called me. She called me over the loudspeaker. I was in the frozen foods section and she ordered me to get myself to Lane 7. I did as I was told and Thank God because Jen was being dragged away by security – I got there in the nick of time, explaining that we were on a “living on your own” outing and I’d be taking her right back to the group home as soon as we bagged her groceries.

    Phew!

    Okay, here’s a sneak peak into the magazine – go and get your very own copy and don’t forget to buy some of our goddamn holiday cards.

    printed-and-pressed-diy-art

    October 16, 2009
  • Will I win the Nobel Peace Prize?

    Maybe. Oh, who am I kidding? I can’t broker peace between nations. I’m no Dalai Lama. I’m no Barack Obama. I’m just kidding about that second one  -  I just wanted something to rhyme with Dalai Lama. Wait, what? Barack Obama really did win the Nobel Peace Prize? Oops. My bad. It’s hard, toiling away, day after day – trying to make this crazy planet just a little bit cheerier. Ghandi knows how I feel.

    *alfred-nobel

    Alfred “Alfie” Nobel

    What would Fran do?

     •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

     ANYWAY. I wrote some new cards. Perhaps, one day, they will bring peace to war-torn countries…

    •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  *two-old-men-talking

    PSST, is this my birthday party or my funeral

    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• *gifts-dont-count

    The gifts don’t count       themselves.
    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *of-course-be-eaten

    The strong would survive the winter. The weak would, of course, be eaten.
    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *im-christmas-stalking-you

    I’m Christmas Stalking you.
    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *piano-lesson
    The Christmas concert would be her chance for revenge.

    •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *lounging-women

    I’ll celebrate Christmas however I damn well please.

    •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *man_wrapping-package-18_lg

    I hope she likes thoughts that count.

    •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *bra-ad2

    Thank you for your support.
    •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    *lovebirds_14525

    Great. My parents just got home.

    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    October 15, 2009
  • Wishes DO come true!

    It’s no secret that I have always wanted 300 feet of bubble wrap.

    Somebody (Jen) had it delivered to our headquarters – it’s one of the best things I’ve ever seen on my doorstep. Although… the Sunday paper is nice to see when I open the door…or girl scouts selling cookies. Hmm, one of my stalkers once left a skinned, boiled squirrel on my doorstep… that was strange – and I still don’t get the  message – was it: “Love me back, or I’ll boil and skin you” or was it “I am capable of providing small game for your meals.”

    Oh, I guess I’ll never know.

    bubble-wrap-delivery

    October 7, 2009
  • ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

    Done.

    a-z-type-room-and-board

    Do not worry. IF you can’t get your sad self to the Room and Board nearest you, you can shop online!

     It’s true. But not yet. NOT YET. The ink isn’t even dry.

    Did I mention that I will be the lunchmeat between the bread named Jackson Pollock and Andy Warhol? What a strange, virtual sandwich. Speaking of sandwiches: I decided to take a break from printing to do some printing and I made this:

    does-this-sandwich-make-me-450x337

     

    October 5, 2009
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