Zeichen Press – Page 15 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Swine Flu and the Fish Pond

We had a special guest for TWO WHOLE WEEKS! : The Swine Flu�aka:H1N1�That’s just what we needed to shake things up�around here! Oh, and nothing brings a family together like contagious disease. I mean it. I barely notice my kids unless their eyes get glassy and they vomit on my bedroom floor. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, a nosebleed will get my attention -and so will a 2 am phone call from the Edina Police. Oh, kids!

I heard that “scientists” are working on some sort of “immunization” for this particular version of the flu. They can just inject themselves with their magic potion. I’m not standing in line at the Walgreens with a bunch of clammy people. Anyway, I discovered the cure: 100 episodes of Malcom in the Middle�and lots of popsicles. When The Plague finally, and politely, exited our home – I felt that I needed another challenge:

The�Fish Pond at St. Helena’s:

Of course!�Everyone knows what a daredevil I am – I just couldn’t say no to Jen’s (repeated) requests to “volunteer.”� I don’t regret a moment. In fact, I’m pretty sure that my time in Purgatory is reduced by exactly the same amount of hours that I spent in that claustrophobic booth. That’s five hours, God. Should I go on and on about the ROOM & BOARD project I’m working on?�21 down, only 279 to go!�I love you, grayish-brownish-not-quite-taupe-ish-sort-of-smog-ish ink.

September 23, 2009
Would You Rather…?

Vomit blood for a week or have a nail gun misfire so that the nail pierces your eyeball?*

WHICH ONE DO YOU CHOOSE?!

Maybe I’d choose the vomiting… I hear the ICU is like staying in a fancy hotel.�You see? Life is about choices. Or wait… is it about rolling with the punches?�Having your eye sewn shut is worse than getting punched – Maybe life is about getting your nail-pierced-eyeball sewn shut.

Yes. That sounds about right.

��

* These events are true and happened to two men that I know. Both named Ben.

September 7, 2009
Psycho Suzie’s and the Fu Manchu

I can’t wait to turn 40.

Jen did it and she got a Fu Manchu AND pickles. It was a very special evening – one she will never remember.

See how the Fu Manchu put her under his spell? Isn’t he cunning? Poor Jen, she never had a chance.

September 3, 2009
Best In Show

I was always jealous of those farm kids at the State Fair. Barefoot and confident, covered in dust � their coveralls did indeed coverall, catching every drip of ice cream, every drop of grease. I imagined that they slept right on the hay bales that penned off their milking goats – what a life!

Their blue-ribbon proudly pinned for all the Fair-Goers to see.�And�The City Kids lined up to milk�their�goats!�Why can’t I have a goat? Why can’t I run around the fair barefoot � ringworm be damned!�

I guess�that DIY story�is coming together � one of the writers called me on my telephone… I kept telling her everything was “off the record” – she seemed confused. I can’t just open myself up to the public.� They did ask me to create Headlines for the other “Best In Show” categories. I wanted to do them in macaroni but they reminded me that I own a design and�letterpress�studio – not a design and macaroni�studio. Now I feel like a missed the boat on that concept.

Here are some of the headlines they asked for:

Oh, they also wanted some blue ribbons:

August 15, 2009
Sankyou Panko Japanese Style Breading (box)

“How can we be expected to teach children to read when they can’t even fit inside the building?”-Derek Zoolander

It turns out that Panko Japanese Style�Breading boxes are the perfect size for my Press (kit) Boxes! It’s true. Now my family will enjoy breaded EVERYTHING for the next two weeks.

Breaded meat, breaded not-meat, breaded bread… YUMMY. � �

The boxes have been turned inside-out, printed on, and stuffed with a variety of cards. I might sprinkle extra breading in for packing… We’ll see. I’d say that I’m sending them to my favorite magazines but that’s not entirely true.

Bass Master, Muslim Girl, and Quick Quilts didn’t make the cut.

Who did?

Oprah and Martha. And others. I think Oprah and Martha should combine forces, the masses would kneel before them.

August 12, 2009
Chanukah and the Beach

Back on the Cape (Cod) again. I spent a restless night out in the barn. Maybe it was the vinyl covered futon OR my teenager’s shenanigans OR the twin mosquitos that took turns attacking me. I just don’t know – I just don’t know why my uncomfortable evening produced this:

(Inside: God bless you.)

August 6, 2009

Adventures In Letterpress!

When I was 18 years old, a friend and I drove her crappy car to the Superior National Forest for an event. I didn’t have my driver’s license so I only drove half way. The event was called�The Rainbow Gathering�and was full of fascinating (high and naked) people.�Highlights of the trip: Sitting in a tent all night with a group of strangers and not getting raped. And I think some other things happened but I’m not sure if they were real.

Aren’t subcultures fascinating??

Brandon Mise studied Letterpress Printers Around The World and made a book:�Adventures In Letterpress:AND he put a Zeichen Press project in it! It was that 4-color halftone/impossible feat of letterpress printing that we made for the�Tanek�Christmas card one year:Remember that? Little Nat and Ken sitting on scary Santa’s lap??�Did that event really happen??�Shhhhhhh, don’t speak or everyone will know how simple-minded you are.

March 17, 2014
Website Hijacked By Syrians

It’s true!

Our site was down for most of the week and the pirates wouldn’t restore it until serious demands were met. Jen had to “marry” the pirates and I had to write more birthday cards for our Spring Release.

March 8, 2014
I’ve Done All The Things

I’ve had 120 fires, watched everything (worth watching) on Netflix, eaten BONE-BROTH soup (like a caveman), changed my Smartwool socks 4 times…

Oh, and WROTE A BOOK.

Here’s the new cover with working title. (Isn’t that what people say??)

But I always try to find the deeper meaning behind hardship, and 45 sub-zero days equals hardship. AM I RIGHT??

Maybe I’m supposed to let the Winter inspire more cards?

February 26, 2014
SO NEEDY

Sheila and Franz Ferdinand�begged me to write a Zeichen Press card about their love because they’ve been together for over five years. I thought for sure she would have left him when his hair-plugs were rejected by his fussy scalp, but the toup�e looked so lifelike!You still have time to�order a card for Valentine’s Day!�Or two, if you are having an affair.

February 4, 2014
Mini-Ice Age

That’s right! Scientists have analyzed data and�determined that it’s extra cold.

Now I feel even less bad for never leaving my beanbag nest with fireplace view.I gave up working-out and have adopted a restorative yoga practice. This particular pose is called Corpse.Note the Winter coat. My character froze to death on the prairie.

ANYWAY. I can act like this now because I’m an eccentric writer with A LITERARY AGENT.

28 pages down, 12 to go…

January 26, 2014
Voodoo Doll

I started getting�acupuncture�this weekbecause my qi [chee] is obviously messed up. And, everyone knows, it is impossible to write a book with messed-up qi [chee].

A BOOK?!

I’m writing A BOOK!! Remember??

It’s one of the four things I talk about, so it should be easy to remember.

But, what are the other three?

1) Bacon

2) Rat-kingsAnd 3) My new nephewHere’s a card that explains everything:Right??

January 17, 2014
Out of the depths I have cried to Thee

Two important things happened this week:

1) It was so cold that I never left the house.IT FELT LIKE -49�.

OKAY, cover your ears:�THAT’S BULLSHIT.

All I could possibly do is sit in front of the fire with my companion, Tib The Cat.Oh, yeah, and here’s number

2) I GOT A LITERARY AGENT.

You heard me.

The Steinberg Agency�� they rep people like Tim Gunn and Cris Carter. NO BIG DEAL.

They want a 40-page picture book for adults…

*I*�like pictures.

*I*�am an adult.

I can make that book.

Here’s a teaser/the cover OF MY BOOK.

January 10, 2014
With An Awl And Some Brandy

I heard a story about a Minnesota fur trader.�

Tromping through the snow in seasonably cold weather, sans Northface�winter gear and, more importantly, SANS Smartwool socks � he found his feet to be frozen solid.�Frozen like a forgotten chuck roast buried under the pile of pizzas and popsicles.

What did he do?

Simply dragged his body through the snow until warmish accommodations were reached, asked the hardy men in the room for an awl,�punctured his feet, and had those same hardy men pour brandy over his numb tootsies.

There. Feet saved.

I didn’t write a card about that. (I’m sure I will.) Here’s something more lighthearted:

January 4, 2014
The Ruminator (2013 edition)

2013 was a doozy!

I daydreamed with such�intensity!

Such intent!

Such fervor!And I can’t speak for Jen (just kidding, I will. Right now.) but I’m pretty sure she has been�on pins and needles JUST WAITING for cards from me in her inbox.�(Between the printing, billing, and shipping.)

I also can’t speak for�The First Intern, and now�The Virtual Intern, but I will say that their lol’s have fueled my asbestos-covered furnace.

So, as I sit here, wearing layers of long underwear, under an Indian blanket (soaked in smallpox), staring out the window… I am beyond grateful for the ladies that make Zeichen�Press more than just a daydream.

And now I’m all choked up!

But enough of that!

December 31, 2013
Alright, Fun’s Over

Christmas is SO two days ago and that leaves me wondering what to do with the rest of winter.

Should I:

A) Take up a�winter sport, like: crying? Or swearing? Or punching the air?

B)�Write/design cards�about this wonder-filled season.

I choose both!

December 27, 2013