Zeichen Press – Page 15 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

TOPLESS WOMAN MOLESTED BY LOCAL SEAL

Wellfleet, Massachusetts

A Minneapolis woman dove into the icy Atlantic Monday morning in an attempt to “meet a seal”.
Assuring onlookers that the attempt was an “act of diplomacy” she swam a distance of approximately 50 yards using a stroke known as the�Dog-Paddle. She met the 350 pound Harbor Seal unaware that the top of her two-piece bathing swimsuit had become untied and dropped to her waist. The woman is reported to have said that the seal reacted to the introduction like “some sort of wild animal” … “His flippers were all over me.”

July 22, 2009
Fran gets new glasses!

Observe this medical marvel:

July 13, 2009
David Hasselhoff, Jerry Lewis, Zeichen Press

The closest I’ve been to Australia is the�Victoria’s Filet�at the�Outback Steakhouse�in Blaine, MN (pop: 44,942). I’m not sure who to thank for introducing�Zeichen Press�to our Australian cousins. Maybe�Ampersand Duck�had something to do with it or maybe it was my grassroots advertising campaign. I stuffed (but first I drank) 1000 bottles of wine with�Zeichen Press Cards�and threw them into the Atlantic Ocean.

Maybe one washed up on the shores of Melbourne because this showed up in their newspaper:

Our�CanCards�are their�Object of Desire.�Thank you, Australia.

Someday I will visit you. And your kangaroos. And your boomerangs.

July 10, 2009
Seven Pounds is the name of the movie not the weight of my head

About a jillion years ago, I was contacted by some Hollywood set designer – she wanted to know if I had extra letterpress “JUNK JUNK JUNK” for a new movie starring Rosario Dawson and Will Smith. Wait. What?! Trembling, I clutched my Fresh Prince of Bel Air collection to my chest and replied, “Oh, that’s cool. Yeah, I could Fed Ex some stuff to you guys – I won’t charge extra for the dust.” (Followed by cool and knowing laughter). What a comfortable rapport! I was talking TO Hollywood. Maybe they’d ask me to audition for the movie! The movie… Maybe Rosario Dawson needed an understudy… or a body double?

We could be twins!

I asked the set designer when they’d like to fly me out, explaining that my schedule was flexible enough to�accommodate movie- shoots, sightseeing,�and�pool-parties. She told me she’d have her people call my people.

ANYWAY, it turns out they were able to pull the set together without my JUNK JUNK JUNK�and�Rosario politely declined my offer — we’re still totally friends

…So I finally watched The Movie last night. Ummm, Will Smith can fix my press anytime. Is that my review? Is that all I have to say? … Uhh, Rosario was convincingly ill and I bawled like a baby. There. Happy?? OH, and the garage-studio was super cute and perfect.

PS: Strangely, Rosario’s character ALSO nicknamed her press�The Beast.�What?!�

June 24, 2009
96�

I’m dripping with sweat. I’m marinating in sweat – the shop has got to be 100� . My head feels fuzzy… and my hands (are those�my�hands?) are leaving sweat-finger-prints on all the paper that I’m cutting.

Wait, I smell barbecue chicken! Wait, maybe I’m on fire…. False alarm. It’s really chicken.

So, I’m cutting paper in my bathing suit. I feel like I’m wearing a snowsuit in a sauna.

I love summer. I’m not even kidding.

June 23, 2009
Wanamingo

My kitchen faucet broke (again) and as I crouched on the patio with the garden hose and plastic scrubby, my mind wandered to faraway lands. Specifically, Wanamingo, Minnesota. Oh, Wanamingo! Has anyone written an ode to thee? I was in Wanamingo today and overheard this “conversation” between a mother and child at the 60 Stop Gas Station:

Child: “I �want eggs for breakfast.”

Mother: ” You can’t get everything you want. I wanted flowers for Mother’s Day and I got nuthin’!”

Oh, well. The REAL Wanamingo is full of chickens, barn cats, fictional alpacas and acres of hard-working folks that build chicken coops and excavate pig cemeteries – just for fun. These people walk around with just a hint of a smile, a smile that says, “I chop the logs to heat my house. I know how to grow potatoes. I know the difference between bush beans and pole beans.”

They also spend the Winter trying not to recreate a scene from The Shining.

I’M JUST SAYING.

Okay, so maybe I don’t have what it takes to step off the grid and live like Ma Kettle. Maybe the closest I get to feeling the heartland is living with a broken faucet. Fetching water for cooking makes me feel like a barbarian.

In between all my water fetching I made this :

It’s gonna be BIG people.

BIG.

June 13, 2009

Adventures In Letterpress!

When I was 18 years old, a friend and I drove her crappy car to the Superior National Forest for an event. I didn’t have my driver’s license so I only drove half way. The event was called�The Rainbow Gathering�and was full of fascinating (high and naked) people.�Highlights of the trip: Sitting in a tent all night with a group of strangers and not getting raped. And I think some other things happened but I’m not sure if they were real.

Aren’t subcultures fascinating??

Brandon Mise studied Letterpress Printers Around The World and made a book:�Adventures In Letterpress:AND he put a Zeichen Press project in it! It was that 4-color halftone/impossible feat of letterpress printing that we made for the�Tanek�Christmas card one year:Remember that? Little Nat and Ken sitting on scary Santa’s lap??�Did that event really happen??�Shhhhhhh, don’t speak or everyone will know how simple-minded you are.

March 17, 2014
Website Hijacked By Syrians

It’s true!

Our site was down for most of the week and the pirates wouldn’t restore it until serious demands were met. Jen had to “marry” the pirates and I had to write more birthday cards for our Spring Release.

March 8, 2014
I’ve Done All The Things

I’ve had 120 fires, watched everything (worth watching) on Netflix, eaten BONE-BROTH soup (like a caveman), changed my Smartwool socks 4 times…

Oh, and WROTE A BOOK.

Here’s the new cover with working title. (Isn’t that what people say??)

But I always try to find the deeper meaning behind hardship, and 45 sub-zero days equals hardship. AM I RIGHT??

Maybe I’m supposed to let the Winter inspire more cards?

February 26, 2014
SO NEEDY

Sheila and Franz Ferdinand�begged me to write a Zeichen Press card about their love because they’ve been together for over five years. I thought for sure she would have left him when his hair-plugs were rejected by his fussy scalp, but the toup�e looked so lifelike!You still have time to�order a card for Valentine’s Day!�Or two, if you are having an affair.

February 4, 2014
Mini-Ice Age

That’s right! Scientists have analyzed data and�determined that it’s extra cold.

Now I feel even less bad for never leaving my beanbag nest with fireplace view.I gave up working-out and have adopted a restorative yoga practice. This particular pose is called Corpse.Note the Winter coat. My character froze to death on the prairie.

ANYWAY. I can act like this now because I’m an eccentric writer with A LITERARY AGENT.

28 pages down, 12 to go…

January 26, 2014
Voodoo Doll

I started getting�acupuncture�this weekbecause my qi [chee] is obviously messed up. And, everyone knows, it is impossible to write a book with messed-up qi [chee].

A BOOK?!

I’m writing A BOOK!! Remember??

It’s one of the four things I talk about, so it should be easy to remember.

But, what are the other three?

1) Bacon

2) Rat-kingsAnd 3) My new nephewHere’s a card that explains everything:Right??

January 17, 2014
Out of the depths I have cried to Thee

Two important things happened this week:

1) It was so cold that I never left the house.IT FELT LIKE -49�.

OKAY, cover your ears:�THAT’S BULLSHIT.

All I could possibly do is sit in front of the fire with my companion, Tib The Cat.Oh, yeah, and here’s number

2) I GOT A LITERARY AGENT.

You heard me.

The Steinberg Agency�� they rep people like Tim Gunn and Cris Carter. NO BIG DEAL.

They want a 40-page picture book for adults…

*I*�like pictures.

*I*�am an adult.

I can make that book.

Here’s a teaser/the cover OF MY BOOK.

January 10, 2014
With An Awl And Some Brandy

I heard a story about a Minnesota fur trader.�

Tromping through the snow in seasonably cold weather, sans Northface�winter gear and, more importantly, SANS Smartwool socks � he found his feet to be frozen solid.�Frozen like a forgotten chuck roast buried under the pile of pizzas and popsicles.

What did he do?

Simply dragged his body through the snow until warmish accommodations were reached, asked the hardy men in the room for an awl,�punctured his feet, and had those same hardy men pour brandy over his numb tootsies.

There. Feet saved.

I didn’t write a card about that. (I’m sure I will.) Here’s something more lighthearted:

January 4, 2014
The Ruminator (2013 edition)

2013 was a doozy!

I daydreamed with such�intensity!

Such intent!

Such fervor!And I can’t speak for Jen (just kidding, I will. Right now.) but I’m pretty sure she has been�on pins and needles JUST WAITING for cards from me in her inbox.�(Between the printing, billing, and shipping.)

I also can’t speak for�The First Intern, and now�The Virtual Intern, but I will say that their lol’s have fueled my asbestos-covered furnace.

So, as I sit here, wearing layers of long underwear, under an Indian blanket (soaked in smallpox), staring out the window… I am beyond grateful for the ladies that make Zeichen�Press more than just a daydream.

And now I’m all choked up!

But enough of that!

December 31, 2013
Alright, Fun’s Over

Christmas is SO two days ago and that leaves me wondering what to do with the rest of winter.

Should I:

A) Take up a�winter sport, like: crying? Or swearing? Or punching the air?

B)�Write/design cards�about this wonder-filled season.

I choose both!

December 27, 2013