Zeichen Press – Page 28 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Hello, my name is

Remember when�I talked about my naming skills?�No?�That’s okay, I barely remember it myself.�Anyway,�I did a project with�The Carney Group�- I named a product that debuted at the�2011 MacWorld Expo�to much adulation. Wait, that’s a pretty strong word. To much�curiosity.�They made the Top 3 Happening Booths but I think that had more to do with the bearded�CodeWeavers�COO dressing as Cher (I think that’s Cher?? Yucky!)

than the name I chose for the product – which was, by the way:�Impersonator. See, it’s software that let’s your Mac run Windows apps without running Windows.

So brilliant.

David Pogue of the�New York Times�called it “hilarious” and one of the most creative pitches he’d seen all year.

I wonder if he meant�last year�because otherwise it would just be one of the most creative pitches he’d seen in January. I also wonder if he meant it was one of the most�disturbing�pitches he’d seen.

I wrote a lot of funny lines and made some cool logos

BUT all of my creative was for naught.

For naught.

They wrote their own lines and made their own logo. That’s cool. I don’t even care. I don’t. I totally let it go. Totally. I’m fine. Oh, here’s a little video�I made (rejected by them – which I’m totally fine with. I am. I’m fine. It’s cool. Whatever. It doesn’t even bother me.) to go with the name.�Close the blinds and turn on the projector, here’s IMPERSONATOR:

January 31, 2011
Working in the Bathtub

I love the ladies of the�Jelly Shot Test Kitchen. And when I say I�love�them it means I�love�that they trust us. Trust us to create business cards�of the future.�We’re not sure how lasers work but we all saw Superman II.

These days, lasers are used for more than just pulverizing concrete. And I can prove it:

The latest project for JSTK has nothing to do with lasers. Or letterpress -�don’t they know we do LETTERPRESS??��They asked us to create some instructional films.

Naturally, I cleaned my bathtub and got to work:

Here’s what I made:

January 9, 2011
Goodbye 2010

2010 has a short driveway and as we backed down it we (I) felt wistful. It seems like only last year we were�freezing in Brainerd. Here we are again, eating thick-cut bacon and praying for the strength to survive round after round of Name That Tune. I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions because the prisons are overcrowded as it is and also because the world isn’t ready for my style of leadership. (Deer-in-the-headlights.)

This was a big year for Zeichen Press – and as I sit in my Fiberglass Insulated Cell, I feel gratitude. I also feel greasy from all of the bacon, but like the sparrow, I will take a sand-bath to freshen up when the time is right. A new website,�a fleet of reps,�prints in Room & Board, the dog’s wig:

Who wouldn’t be grateful? I believe Jen and I are coming up on The Five Year Anniversary of Our Zeichen Press Partnership – we will celebrate by not murdering each other in cold blood.

Don’t worry, we’ll send out Save-The-Date cards.

January 1, 2011
Magic Birthday

Aunt Clare –>

In other words, it’s her�Magic Birthday! �The�Orange Five print was created especially for her:

It’s pretty tasty and she may try to lick the ink but I can’t be responsible for that. Just like I can’t be responsible for anything I did from 1985 – 1995.

December 29, 2010
Are we there yet?

Christmas is just around the corner and that can only mean one (or more) thing(s): The shop is closed and the kitchen is open.

ALSO, it means that the children and animals are underfoot (more than usual) because of the 5 foot snowdrifts blocking the exits.

But don’t worry if you haven’t sent (or bought) your Christmas cards, yet! We (Jen and I, mostly Jen) are here to hold your hand straight through this blustery season! Did you know that (legally) you can send “Christmas” cards until January 6? THAT, is the official end of the Christmas Season because that’s when the Wise Men hauled it to the manger.

*Playmobile dramatization.

I used to mark the end of the Christmas Season by my son’s birthday (February 7). That day meant it was time to shove the Christmas tree out the second story window before the arrival of the birthday party guests.�Now�the tree stays until it becomes a fire hazard, and not a moment longer.�So responsible!

So, speaking of an Epiphany: Don’t waste another minute reading this scatology! Go and buy some�Seasonal Cards!

December 22, 2010
Snow on Snow on Snow

Ummmmmmmmmm… it’s, like, snowing.

We tried to venture out in it today but then we saw this:

And this:

That’s a snow plow in a ditch on the side of the highway.

Now we’re doing our Christmas shopping sans danger from our�computer�-�you can too!

December 11, 2010

Scatology 101

My interests are broad and highbrow � sometimes I think about zombies and sometimes I think about bowel movements.�I guess I’m not the only one.�The reaction to the�zombie card I posted on Easter�caught me off guard.

Caught me off guard like a show poodle at the dog park.�(See, I’m the poodle, and the big dirty dogs come out of nowhere and molest me).

And that brings me to bowel movements. I just realized that both of the cards�Paper Source�chose to carry are poop-related.�How childish! How jejune!

April 10, 2012
Belated Easter Cards

Something (the cat mistaking my bathroom floor for her litter box) woke me up this morning and although I completely resented being awake, I wrote three cards.

Here they are.

Don’t send me hate mail.

April 8, 2012
Duck Was Here

I was getting dressed… brushing my teeth… pulling my hair into a ponytail… looking for my wallet… looking for my keys… feeding the dog… All the while, I heard many, many ducks flying overhead.

QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK

I thought,�“Wow… there must be like a hundred ducks… they sure quack a lot…”

I walked outside.

There was just one duck.

On my roof.

April 3, 2012
Status Updates Of Yore

�Managed to trap and skin a rat �� it will make a delicious stew AND the fur can be used to plug my empty eye-socket � the Lord doth provide!

�Does anyone know where I can find some food? My family has been living on brown bread and my old trousers for the entire Winter. Help!

�Dug such a deep pit today � grandma will surely die this Winter and the grave will be ready in Spring. #planahead

�My husband has had a fever for so long � the barber-surgeon is going to start the bloodletting tonight. Fingers crossed…

�My son is going to the�gibbet�tomorrow. 🙁

Okay, that was nice. How about a new card?

March 31, 2012
For Cheese and For My Country

Oscar Litterer lived in my house and he loved his ham radio. He loved it so much, he built a secret radio room under the stairs. I imagine he sat there night after night broadcasting his message to the moon and back. He was not alone � others really did share his passion for frequency modulation � but not in his own home. In his own home, his wife tended the peonies and their only son was devoted to the project of digging the hole in the driveway.

What a lonely life for Oscar!

When someone has a passion for something, they shouldn’t hide under the basement steps. They should open a shop and hire Zeichen Press to design t-shirts.�

March 30, 2012
Plan F

F for Fran. Plan Fran…

Ready? OK!

F-R-A-N… That spells, Fran! Yayyyy!That’s how I start every morning. A rousing cheer, followed by a�shot of micro-nutrients and a cup of coffee.�Rituals are so important.

On this particular morning, I heard my favorite sound in the world ��right after the cry of a newborn baby and right before the death-rattle of my enemies�� the fax machine.�Beep-beep-boop-beep-bip-bope-bop………..whirrrrrrrrrrr

‘Twas our first order from that paper super-power,�Paper Source! I grabbed the fax, my coffee and laptop, and headed to the warehouse. I set all three things down in front of me,�sat myself down, faced all squarely and said aloud, “Oh, this is nice.”

And to celebrate, I knocked over my coffee cup, spilling its contents all over the fax and into my open laptop.

Luckily, the dog ran in, lapped up the spilled coffee and pooped on the floor.

When is Jen coming home?

March 28, 2012
Found My Way Downstairs And Drank A Cup

With Jen gone, I wander about bumping into doorways and stepping in dog poop. I think I can write off glasses and shoes as a business expense so I’m not so concerned about the money. I�am�concerned by my ever-growing obsession with taking photographs of everything I see.

Help.

Me.

March 26, 2012
It Looks Like A Duck So It Must be Spring

Interns make me think of Summer and since we met two potential candidates this week, I think Summer must be approaching. I wanted to have the girls fight to the death for the position but Jen said we could hire both.�She is so sensible.

Anyway, Jen’s going on vacation tomorrow and that leaves me plenty of time to clean up the blood and call Centerpoint before I dig the grave in my backyard.

Dear Diary, I witnessed something today that I’m pretty sure is illegal. Anyway, I hope Jen has a nice time in Mexico. Fondly, Fran

March 22, 2012
A Dog’s To-Do List -AND- Other Important Things

One year, the�Easter Bunny�put a tiny white bunny in our Easter basket. I was sure it was meant for me and not for the other kids that shared my home and parents. An outdoor cage was built and the bunny lived in it until ��and my memory gets fuzzy at this point�� the bunny went to live with the Easter Bunny again? Yes, I think that’s what happened.

I don’t remember how I got it, but I also had a durable green parakeet. I usually forgot to clean her cage and the droppings rose like stalagmites from the newspaper-covered floor.

We never had a dog, although my grandparent’s dog tried to make me his wife. That was pretty traumatizing.

Last weekend, I was surrounded by six small dogs. I loved it so much, I made a new card:Oh,�AND the Important Thing?��We got cards into�Paper Source. It’s about time you noticed us, you big lug. (Paper Source has 63 shops around the country. Thats 63 x something x $ = $$$$)

March 21, 2012
We want to be more than just friends with: The Artisan Center (Denver)

Artisan Center�-> 2757 East Third Avenue, Denver, CO 80206

ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

Okay, so I began my exhaustive research with the�Yelp reviews. One phrase stood out, “This place hasn’t been around for 30 years by sucking.”

That should be their slogan.

Do you need soaps, jewelry, mobiles, salad bowls, stained glass,�OUR CARDS, or a bird house made of a Minnesota license plate??You do?�After reading those reviews,�I had to go check this place out for myself:

Those people are small. And blurry.

March 12, 2012